Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

calleyw

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

It's with my vegetable knife, Calley! I lost that 5 months ago. We even searched the bin, nope it has disappeared without trace which is no mean feat in a flat the size of a shoebox.

Unfortunately WaSp can't fill in the form for me, he is severely dyslexic. Although it's horrid if I fill it in they get to see how jumbled I get and how odd words sneak in, plus my writing is like a child's which they should also see. That one always annoyed me, I had near to perfect handwriting before my first psychotic break that people used to comment on. As soon as psychosis developed it turned into a childish scrawl, it is one of the odd neurological side effects.

Thank you for being so lovely, I shall no doubt be whining on and off for the next month along with a side dish of blind panic. I do have a month to complete it so I will do it in bits, I will have to because I can't hold a pen for more than 5 minutes without my arm shaking.

I reckon they are hiding in the fort somewhere LOL!!!

WaS do you have copies of the old forms? As that what I use to do look over the last forms and see what had been put and see of things had got worse or improved in certain areas.

Whine all you like I know how hard these things are. I remember getting the forms for DLA and IB for my husband. And even I struggled with out a brain injury. He would never would have managed on his own to fill all that in. Also like you my husband had a enough hospital notes to paper a couple of rooms. And just come out of hospital. And a stroke you can't fake it . I think that is what annoyed me the most!!!!

Its also hard to remember what you do differently to others. Because of the coping strategies that you have in place. Might be worth having a 5 min brain storm about how it effects your life. And then take each item one and a time and expanded it.

But please don't stress. Do you have a social worker who could help?

Yours

Calley

seven-day-weekend

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

My ESA form is here. I could write a mini novel about how that makes me feel but I will just say that I am determined not to end in hospital as a result this time. Panicked doesn't even come close.

I still have my Tiny Tears, tea!

Just say it as you have on here xx

seven-day-weekend

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

You've reminded me I keep meaning to read 'Men are from mars, women are from venus', so I've just bought it from amazon. I have bought it before, from a bookshop in London as my girlfriend of the time (long time ago when my life still occasionally featured girlfriends) was too embarassed to take it up to the till.

After reading it, she told me I approach dating like a woman. Erm.. :eek:

Well I know many people hate it and don't agree with it, but I loved it and thought it made perfect sense

tea_lover

Could I please pick your knowledgeable brains for a moment....

As well as belongings, I still need to sort the joint account. FOH stopped paying anything into it when he moved out (July). I continued to pay some money into it and use it for house-related DDs etc as they were already set up. Over the last few weeks I've transferred everything back to my own current account, and have just checked that the last DD (council tax) has transferred - so there's now nothing being paid into it, and nothing coming out.

So.... what do I do with the money that's in there? Technically, it's mostly mine (for a variety of long and dull reasons I won't go into). But I'm thinking I could transfer just under half to my own account (as that's a nice round number) and leave the rest for FOH. I don't want to do anything that might look like I'm taking advantage.

Does that sound fair?

I still have to somehow get myself taken off the account but I can only do that in branch so heaven knows when I'll get a chance to do that.

seven-day-weekend

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Ok, so I am going to write a mini novel after all. Sorry! It will stop it going around in my head with luck. There are 3 reasons why this is a Very Bad Thing.

Financially-I NEED this money! £70 a week unemployment would be impossible. I couldn't afford my carer, I couldn't afford to keep my heating on all of the time because my thyroid disorder means I am always cold and it is dangerous for my temperature to drop because my body cannot regulate its own inner temperature. I couldn't afford the many trips to the launderette caused by my arm giving out and dropping food and drink all over myself daily and the fact I become incontinent when I have a catatonic spell. I couldn't afford to keep the car which is a disaster because I can't get to hospital appointments or anywhere without it, nevermind the fact WaSp couldn't get to Millielfeur's to help her either. Every last penny of my ESA is used on living each day, I have no idea what I would do without it.

Paranoia-Government forms are a huge trigger to my psychosis. Writing down how I live in minute detail makes me suspicious of what they do with the information, who see's it, and then when I really lose it is it being used for experiments on me or cloning. I know that sounds ridiculous but that's psychosis for you and filling these things in really scares me. I can get very strange thoughts very quickly at these times.

Depression-My depression usually gets much worse when I get these forms because I get through my day to day life by not thinking how different it is to other people's, I just ignore the small details. On the forms I suddenly have to record how I cannot cook for myself, how I need prompting to take medication and to wash or I just won't, how I never go out, and if I do I need to be hidden unless it is very empty because I can't bear people to see me. How I hear voices all of the time and now visual hallucinations too, how I cannot bear any sound at all and sit in total silence every day. How when I speak in real life or even when I write without being able to edit strange words leap into my conversations that make no sense and I get jumbled up and confused. How most people do not have others and spend a lot of their time playing with toys and slip into being 6 years old when talking to people with no warning. The fact I wake up screaming and crying in the night and need someone with me because I sleep walk. The self-harm, suicidal thoughts and weird but dangerous thoughts of how great it would be to hurt myself. How I have many rituals that I carry out each day so that I feel safe.

Then there's the physical-how my arm suddenly shakes and I drop everything and cannot use it until it decides to stop, how I cannot even step up or down a kerb without someone hanging onto me because of my balance disorder, how the only way I can get up or down stares is on my bottom, how I take codeine and Tramadol every day still have constant low level pain from my spine and neck, how walking for more than 50 yards means I have to sit on the pavement or fall down.

I never think of this stuff normally I just take things as they come or I would become extremely upset most of the time. I just get through the days. Seeing it all together on a form and having to think about how much my life is actually affected by my conditions is so depressing, it makes me feel like a freak and utterly useless to anyone. I look and feel like a complete disaster, it is horrid to write this stuff down.

Optimistic bit! This time I will not end up in hospital on the strength of this! As someone wise said to me, if I mess up the form and go off on a tangent or strange words creep into my sentences then I am showing them what things are really like, they need to see how things really are. In reality I have never had any problems with getting benefit payments and there is evidence going back over 30 years of psychiatric problems to back up what I say. There should not be any problems this time either. Yes, it will upset me to write it all down but it doesn't change the fact that for most days I am happy despite it all, I have adapted to my conditions and that still applies whether the details are on a form or not.

I can do this!

I know these forms can be frightening, as you say, seeing it all written down, but I honestly think that if you just write it down as you have done in this post, they will see what the problem is, that it's longstanding and ongoing, and if you just copy and paste that post into the relevant bits on the form then maybe you won't have to think about it too much.

Please let me know if I can help in any way at all x

heartbreak_star

You absolutely CAN do this WaS! We are all cheering you on

HBS x

Birdie85

Tea, if most of the money in there is yours then take what is yours. Jeez, you're nicer than me, I'd have just taken the lot and taken my name off the account! I'd be a rotter and write a cheque for what is provable to be his share and leave it with his crap for when he collects it!

As for the Venus/Mars stuff, I've not read that book but one like it called 'Why men don't listen and women can't read maps' and the follow up (?) called 'Why men lie and women cry'. Really interesting books and even years later I still remember the points made in those books when DH is being exasperating!

onomatopoeia99

WaS, you can indeed do it!

Tea, take what you believe to be yours, if FOH hasn't put anything in for six months that could easily be "everything". Don't short change yourself to be nice though, he hasn't been. Just be fair.

You may be able to close the account (which has the advantage that the other party can't run the account into overdraft which you'd be liable for) - ex did that after leaving and took all the money that was left in our joint account, all without reference to me, and the bank didn't ask me before doing it either. When I queried it they told me they only needed instructions from one of the holders of a joint account to close it.

onomatopoeia99

Package of blu ray discs has just turned up from Amazon . I only intended to buy Labyrinth, but spotted they had a "2 for £10" offer going on some titles so ended up buying (amongst other things) 16 candles and The breakfast club (can you tell I like John Hughes films from the 1980s?)

If anyone wants me this weekend, I'll be on the sofa in front of the telly :rotfl:

calleyw

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

If anyone wants me this weekend, I'll be on the sofa in front of the telly :rotfl:

We will all pile round yours, hope your sofa is big enough LOL!!!

Yours

Calley