Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Birdie85

I had the dark haired TT too, I didn't know she was difficult to get hold of! I wanted all my dolls to be dark haired as I was and hated that the 'cute blondes' at school were favoured over little dark haired Plain Janes like me! Even a lot of my Barbie dolls we're actually Barbie's dark haired friend Teresa!

onomatopoeia99

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Mars and Venus. We Venusians really have to learn to speak Martian.

You've reminded me I keep meaning to read 'Men are from mars, women are from venus', so I've just bought it from amazon. I have bought it before, from a bookshop in London as my girlfriend of the time (long time ago when my life still occasionally featured girlfriends) was too embarassed to take it up to the till.

After reading it, she told me I approach dating like a woman. Erm.. :eek:

tea_lover

Haha, I think everything was harder to get hold of then! If you couldn't find it in the co-op in town, it meant a trip to a different town - with no idea if they'd have what you were looking for either.

I definitely prefer the 'afternoon on amazon' approach to Christmas shopping

Waves_and_Smiles

Ok, so I am going to write a mini novel after all. Sorry! It will stop it going around in my head with luck. There are 3 reasons why this is a Very Bad Thing.

Financially-I NEED this money! £70 a week unemployment would be impossible. I couldn't afford my carer, I couldn't afford to keep my heating on all of the time because my thyroid disorder means I am always cold and it is dangerous for my temperature to drop because my body cannot regulate its own inner temperature. I couldn't afford the many trips to the launderette caused by my arm giving out and dropping food and drink all over myself daily and the fact I become incontinent when I have a catatonic spell. I couldn't afford to keep the car which is a disaster because I can't get to hospital appointments or anywhere without it, nevermind the fact WaSp couldn't get to Millielfeur's to help her either. Every last penny of my ESA is used on living each day, I have no idea what I would do without it.

Paranoia-Government forms are a huge trigger to my psychosis. Writing down how I live in minute detail makes me suspicious of what they do with the information, who see's it, and then when I really lose it is it being used for experiments on me or cloning. I know that sounds ridiculous but that's psychosis for you and filling these things in really scares me. I can get very strange thoughts very quickly at these times.

Depression-My depression usually gets much worse when I get these forms because I get through my day to day life by not thinking how different it is to other people's, I just ignore the small details. On the forms I suddenly have to record how I cannot cook for myself, how I need prompting to take medication and to wash or I just won't, how I never go out, and if I do I need to be hidden unless it is very empty because I can't bear people to see me. How I hear voices all of the time and now visual hallucinations too, how I cannot bear any sound at all and sit in total silence every day. How when I speak in real life or even when I write without being able to edit strange words leap into my conversations that make no sense and I get jumbled up and confused. How most people do not have others and spend a lot of their time playing with toys and slip into being 6 years old when talking to people with no warning. The fact I wake up screaming and crying in the night and need someone with me because I sleep walk. The self-harm, suicidal thoughts and weird but dangerous thoughts of how great it would be to hurt myself. How I have many rituals that I carry out each day so that I feel safe.

Then there's the physical-how my arm suddenly shakes and I drop everything and cannot use it until it decides to stop, how I cannot even step up or down a kerb without someone hanging onto me because of my balance disorder, how the only way I can get up or down stairs is on my bottom, how I take codeine and Tramadol every day still have constant low level pain from my spine and neck, how walking for more than 50 yards means I have to sit on the pavement or fall down.

I never think of this stuff normally I just take things as they come or I would become extremely upset most of the time. I just get through the days. Seeing it all together on a form and having to think about how much my life is actually affected by my conditions is so depressing, it makes me feel like a freak and utterly useless to anyone. I look and feel like a complete disaster, it is horrid to write this stuff down.

Optimistic bit! This time I will not end up in hospital on the strength of this! As someone wise said to me, if I mess up the form and go off on a tangent or strange words creep into my sentences then I am showing them what things are really like, they need to see how things really are. In reality I have never had any problems with getting benefit payments and there is evidence going back over 30 years of psychiatric problems to back up what I say. There should not be any problems this time either. Yes, it will upset me to write it all down but it doesn't change the fact that for most days I am happy despite it all, I have adapted to my conditions and that still applies whether the details are on a form or not.

I can do this!

Izadora

whitewing wrote: »

I need to make some leaves as decoration for a birthday cake. Can I make them out of Renshaw regalice? Does anyone know? Also, can I make them in advance? If so, how many weeks and how can I store them?

I normally use Dr Oetker but I guess it's pretty much the same as Renshaw so should be ideal for making decorations. Depending on how big or fiddly they are it might also be worth using gum tragacanth to make them set harder.

I've always worked on the basis that as long as the icing will still be within the date on the packet when I use the decorations I can make them as much in advance as I like. Just make sure you store them in a cardboard box as a plastic box is likely to make them sweat/lose shape.

Izadora

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Seeing it all together on a form and having to think about how much my life is actually affected by my conditions is so depressing, it makes me feel like a freak and utterly useless to anyone. I look and feel like a complete disaster, it is horrid to write this stuff down.

I can't imagine what it's like for you but please try to remember that you're neither a freak nor useless in any way. Although it would still involve having to think about it, is it possible for WaSp to fill in the form for you or is that a big no no?

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I can do this!

:T:T:T:T:T
And if there's anything that any of us can do to be of any help then just shout (or whisper if you'd prefer)

calleyw

Was,

Massive hugs. I know only how well these forms causes upset and pain and worry.

Can you get anyone to help you. As I managed to fill in my husbands just by using MSE to do it. Still think he should have got middle rate care but that a bit late in the day now. I was just grateful that he had an income of his own.

Well ugger ugger ugger looks like I have lost the kitchen knife my mum gave me for xmas. How the hell do you loose a knife I never know. Will have to buy another one LOL!!!

WaS and Melly thanks for letting us in to your world. i know its very hard to do.

Lots of hugs and squishes and handshakes to everyone.

I am up and showered but not dressed. As I have nothing to go out for might just stay in my dressing gown LOL!!!

Its a winnie the pooh and a blustery day here, mind you I have plenty of ballast so wont blow a way :rotfl:

Yours

Calley

Waves_and_Smiles

It's with my vegetable knife, Calley! I lost that 5 months ago. We even searched the bin, nope it has disappeared without trace which is no mean feat in a flat the size of a shoebox.

Unfortunately WaSp can't fill in the form for me, he is severely dyslexic. Although it's horrid if I fill it in they get to see how jumbled I get and how odd words sneak in, plus my writing is like a child's which they should also see. That one always annoyed me, I had near to perfect handwriting before my first psychotic break that people used to comment on. As soon as psychosis developed it turned into a childish scrawl, it is one of the odd neurological side effects.

Thank you for being so lovely, I shall no doubt be whining on and off for the next month along with a side dish of blind panic. I do have a month to complete it so I will do it in bits, I will have to because I can't hold a pen for more than 5 minutes without my arm shaking.

Birdie85

Maybe your knives ran away with my shoe! How does one lose a freaking SHOE in a small flat?! :rotfl:

WaS, we're here to help you through the nasty form-filling process, ramble away whenever you need to! Just think how strong you are for being so awesome despite all of the barriers in your way, you're a gold medal hurdler!

tea_lover

I've lost the speakers that attach to the side of the TV - not sure how that was possible either!

Am sending happy-form thoughts WaS