Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

seven-day-weekend

My husband also gets very upset by even the slightest hint of criticism, for similar reasons as have been outlined here.

Over the 44 years we have been married (in fact pretty soon into the relationship), I have learned that the best way of dealing with it is a) to make suggestions for change rather than say that something is upsetting me and b) if he IS upset, to give him plenty of hugs and tell him I love him, then c) leave him alone.

I'm glad to say we very rarely argue and tend to think the same on important issues. Neither of us like conflict or nasty atmospheres, also we remember that life is short, so always make things up very quickly. I don't think we've ever 'fallen out' for more than an hour; even in difficult times we have pulled together in the same direction to sort things out.

We are truly blessed.

Flybaby

Hello all......sorry I haven't been around for a bit, had a horrendous week with Uni to deal with. Thankfully managed to get both assignments in on time and attend lecture days last week and get through all the essential things that had to be done. Still feeling very stressed, not helped by having been poorly for a month now and lack of sleep getting to critical, so am trying to keep my cool and tell myself one step at a time. Hoping to get myself a little more "sorted" this week with things like housework, accounts, food prep etc so I ffel a little less stressed. I really missed you guys over the last week, I haven't had time to catch up yet, but hugs n squishes to all.

codemonkey

Wow. This is really resonating with me. Although my family are huggers, I grew up and it felt like everything I did was wrong. I was expected to do a lot of childcare and still get straight As. If I tried to do something for myself, I was told I was selfish and horrible. And I was never the favourite so always felt inferior. My mother was a contradiction because although she does love me, she was so busy with everyone else that I didn't get any attention (I remember coming home upset as I was being bullied and I sat on the floor in the sitting room in floods of tears and nobody even mentioned it). Realised a few years ago that I carried this forward into my adult relationships as I dated men who were hung up on their exes. I didn't think I deserved any better. One of my biggest stumbling blocks with DH is that I get upset if I feel like he doesn't make me a priority and he doesn't understand. If I try to explain it sounds dumb because a more robust child would have been fine.

Can already tell that this week is going to suck. DA dog is limping again. He has a dodgy eye and has drops from the vet but we didn't have them look at his paw because it seemed ok. As a result, his favourite things are being taken away from him - no couch, no bed, no off lead walking, no bouncing, no upstairs and he doesn't get why he's not allowed to do all the stuff he loves. It's also January so we're pretty skint.

And I've woken up feeling so low I just want to burrow into the blankets and stay there. I've cried twice so far. Can't even call in sick as my manager is off.

Wellyboots6

Oh not again.
Not at all your fault WaS, if you are aware of who I mean.

Georgiegirl256

OMG Welly! :eek: Was not aware of who you meant, but just checked on Daily Mail. I was never a big fan, but I did like some of his music and him as a person.

Not at all your fault WaS.

Georgiegirl256

codemonkey wrote: »

And I've woken up feeling so low I just want to burrow into the blankets and stay there. I've cried twice so far. Can't even call in sick as my manager is off.

Me too code Just feel so low today. Big hugs Hun and to you too tea (I'm the same with not wanting to appear weak in public), and to anyone else who could do with one.

Pyxis

(((((((((((Codemonkey)))))))))))))

(((((((((((((Georgie)))))))))))))))

Birdie85

I love that sentiment of looking for fun, not love, WW! (I know I'm well behind, just thought I'd mention that it's a nice idea!)

Hugs for you and DH Georgie, I can't imagine not hugging and kissing my kid/s every day! Seriously, Baby Bird rolls his eyes every time I come in for a kiss and a cuddle, like 'Seriously Mother, again?!' Before we had Baby Bird DH was all macho and said stuff like 'Oh I won't be giving him kisses all the time, it's weird' and now he's as bad as I am with him! My parents were both very affectionate with me and my brother, and taught us to be affectionate with each other, as they both had somewhat closed-off parents and said that they wanted their childrent o know without doubt every day how much they were loved.

My DH used to be quite like the other men on here, couldn't take criticism, would go off in major sulks acting the victim etc... he's become a lot better over the years as he's found confidence in me and our relationship i.e. every time he annoys me, and I tell him so, it doesn't mean I'm going to leave him! Interestingly, he grew up with an emotionally unavailable Dad and his Mum had PND for several years following a scary near-death (for both of them) birth so I think he's grown up with a lot of issues around feeling unwanted. Having Baby Bird has been the best thing that happened to him as it's made him become the father he always wanted IYSWIM.

Georgie - probably a stupid question as I can imagine DH's reaction, but is counselling an option?

Torry - Once Upon a Time is on Netflix, think you can sign up for a month's free trial so if you know you can watch it all on a month it may be worth checking out! Of course, we did the free trial about 6 months ago and now would never be without it, but it's not very expensive and better than the rubbish on TV!

onomatopoeia99

tea_lover wrote: »

The thought of appearing weak or vulnerable in front of other people just horrifies me - even though it doesn't bother me in the slightest if other people cry etc. in front of me.

Yes, this, totally. It is so difficult to overcome the terror to even begin to talk about this stuff and then once started, to articulate it coherently. And the more important it is, the harder it gets.

Still easier than asking someone for a date though, at least for me.

Waves_and_Smiles

I used to listen to the album Hunky Dory a lot as a teenager it got me through some tough times. I used to listen to it on repeat for hours on end. Thank you for that, David. Sweet dreams, sleep well.