Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

calleyw

Sounds like my ex. Issues from his childhood that make he be a bit of knob.

And then coupled with the stuff he went through with the one before me no wonder he is in the state he is. And does not seem to want to change. His very big loss not mine.

Its shame as he is really nice bloke and I have known him for years seems a shame that we have now lost that friendship we had.

Anyway Shipmates hope you are all well as can be expected.

Tea, I feel your pain. I have been through it a few times and not sure why I re-registered with POF but I have. But I have no expectations and seriously there loss not yours.

GG have a massive hug. As has been said take a step back. Would you work better as a couple that don't live together? In the morning when you feel better why not grab a not pad and list all the pro and cons of the relationship.

And then go from there.

Hugs, handshakes and squishes for all that need them.

Yours

Calley

Waves_and_Smiles

Oh, Georgie I am going to hug you anyway. I do understand a little because Wasp was rather like that when we first met. He had grown up with a physically abusive dad and a very scared mum, although she would be affectionate to him his dad wouldn't be at all, it was constant criticism. It took me quite a while to realise in WaSp's case that everytime I told him something irritated me that he did he took as criticism of him as a person and immediately lashed out and closed off emotionally. He couldn't accept that I could be annoyed by what he was doing, but not be criticising him entirely, to him it was total rejection.

We worked through it eventually and it's fine now, but he was very scarred by constantly being told that he was wrong and bad throughout his childhood. Not saying it's the same for D but there often are reasons going back a long way that influence the way we react as adults. I am a huge case in point myself.

pollyanna_26

Was - Just what I was was trying to say !
Georgie - No need to feel sorry , in the words of Elton " I'm still standing , better than I ever did " :j
polly .

Georgiegirl256

Thanks Calley, hope POF goes well for you .

Anyhow, you guys are great, I love you guys and how we can all talk through things that are bothering us. :grouphug:

Torry_Quine

Hi folks


For some random reason I remembered the series 'OnceUpon a Time ' and that it hasn't been on for awhile. Did some searching to discover that channel 5 have stopped it but have been able to pre request series 3 from Amazonit really annoys me when channels do that:mad:

Really wish this rain would stop. It is so hard day after day with no respite.
Thankfully I haven't been flooded but it's very close.

Tomorrow I have my new washing machine coming so will have to be up early as it is coming any time from 7am.

whitewing

Have you tried asking him why he doesn't talk about his dad?

(I am sure you have tried before, I just mean more recently. If he doesn't answer, could you say that you think it has an effect on your relationship).

Torry_Quine

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Oh, Georgie I am going to hug you anyway. I do understand a little because Wasp was rather like that when we first met. He had grown up with a physically abusive dad and a very scared mum, although she would be affectionate to him his dad wouldn't be at all, it was constant criticism. It took me quite a while to realise in WaSp's case that everytime I told him something irritated me that he did he took as criticism of him as a person and immediately lashed out and closed off emotionally. He couldn't accept that I could be annoyed by what he was doing, but not be criticising him entirely, to him it was total rejection.

We worked through it eventually and it's fine now, but he was very scarred by constantly being told that he was wrong and bad throughout his childhood. Not saying it's the same for D but there often are reasons going back a long way that influence the way we react as adults. I am a huge case in point myself.

That sounds like my husband. Nothing was ever good enough for his mum to the extent she used to ask me if I thought he was capable of doing things making him feel useless.
Even know I have to be very careful in saying anything negative as he sees it as a personal attack.

Georgiegirl256

Deleted.....

Waves_and_Smiles

It's so hard, Georgie. It used to hurt me so much when Wasp closed off, my own self-esteem wasn't great so I tended to take it as total rejection as well so we would both be in different rooms feeling utterly unwanted. What worked for us was lots of talking about what WaSp had gone through and I learnt the most important thing I could do was act as if nothing had happened afterwards. Believe me I wouldn't feel like it but by showing nothing had changed and continuing as if nothing had happened WaSp began to feel safe that if I said I didn't like one thing he did, it didn't mean that I was about to throw him out onto the street and everything was in fact fine.

I do really feel for you I remember how hurtful I found it. I snapped once and told WaSp he was like a robot and he totally blew his top at me. It was one of the most hurtful things I could have ever had said to him, although I didn't know that at the time. He was in fact a lovely, deeply emotional guy who had closed himself off for survival as a child. I did realise this but it still hurt when he shut himself off, my heart goes out to you.

calleyw

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Thanks Calley, hope POF goes

GGirl I got this book its in two halves one for men and one for woman. Really interesting. I gave it to my ex but I am sure it just got chucked in the drawer never to be read.

Yours

Calley