Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Pyxis

tea_lover wrote: »

What can I say that gets the point across but without being mean? Bearing in mind that my house and garage are still full of his stuff so will have to see him again at some point!

What Onomatopoeia said. Plus possibly :-

---If you weren't planning on giving him Christmas presents, then on no account get him any just because you know he's got you some. To do so will give him a spark of hope.
If you tell him that "sorry, I haven't got you any", that will drive it home that the separation is permanent.

---You could also say that the best Christmas present he could give you is to remove his stuff from your house once and for all. In fact you could then press him for a date, and if he dithers, you give him a deadline.

faerielight

thanks guys . My friend has a steam shower in his rented flat, and my shower in my rented flat is so bad.. it's a lukewarm dribble, so I went for a steam room/shower at his.. I expected it to be relaxing,l but it was really emotionally cathartic.. I've been on Fight/Flight/Freeze for so long.. for this particular medical chapter of my life that has now spanned 4.5 years, but on and off my whole life,I was able to step back a bit and look at what the last year has been, how because of the failings of my hospital, every night for the last year, I wondered if I was going to die. It's All been so harrowing, for so long now. I realised how much of myself has been stolen from me , what a high cost this ongoing bowel rolling medical negligence trauma on myself as a person, and my quality of life. It is so hard to have room for anything else when you are constantly fighting for your survival. I have so much emotional and psychological healing to do.. I really want next year to be the year I get some psychological. psychiatric help for this stuff. Also, after visiting my mother a few weeks ago, I though I had dealt with most of the abuse, but I was wrong.. I need help for my mother monster issues.. I just have to get to some help. I am so scared of having another year like this one. I have 2 more surgeries to have and I'm terrified that the hospital will put me through cancellation after cancellation and put my life at risk again. I honestly don't think I can do another period of time like the last almost half a decade.. I am determined to find some way of living a bit instead of my sole job being to just survive. It really has cfost me so much.. I know I will never be the person I was 5 years ago before this nightmare happened, it has taken too much permanent damage, that all xould have been avoided if my surgeon/hospital had understood BPD and not though mistook going to A and E from self harming or suicidal, with making up symptoms for attention (the bowle perforation). I have so much rage for him / the hospital, and for my mother, I really want to be able to make a dent in some of the pain and rage next year. I want to find how to live with disabilities, and find myself again, but that has to mean that the unrelenting Fight/flight/freeze goes away.. I really want that to happen. I need to find something to enrich my soul and flood my darkened mind with sunlight again.. It's all been so utterly traumatic, it really has. Anyway, these were my musings in the steam room, I think it was the 1st tie in so long I faced myself, without distraction.. I need to do that more, even though I live alone and spend so much time alone, All of this has been too painful to look at. I guess what I have to think is that this surgery may have bought me a bit more time of physical safety, I don't know how long it will last, and I have to make that complaint to the hospital, to at least try and make them agree that they can't do this to me again, leaving me to deteriorate til my life was threatened again.It is too horrific, I can't take any more and I'm tapping out for mercy. .. I so want next year to be more of a healing and recuperation year for me.. Sorry for the long rant.. I'm so sorry I'm aware that I post here but I'm not offering support.. I really will get to the place where I can.I'm so grateful for this safe space.. It's precious .. Thank you all , from the bottom of my heart. Faerie

System

tea_lover wrote: »

I have a dilemma....would really appreciate some advice. FOH keeps texting me. Usually asks me to meet up/go get food etc at least 3 times a week (for last couple of months since I pretty much cut contact). Any invites get a polite "no thanks". Anything else (" miss you" etc) I don't reply to.

There's been some essential contact about belongings, work contacts etc. I've kept these polite and distant, if that makes sense....just stuck to the essentials.

Just had another text about how it would be good to see me, and saying that he needs to drop my Christmas presents round! !!!!!!, I wasn't even planning on sending a christmas text!

I don't want to have to be rude but it's looking like I have no choice. I've previously said that he needs to accept we're not together and let it go but it's not getting through. Am getting annoyed tbh. He never paid the slightest attention when it mattered, but as ever he now wants what he can't have.

What can I say that gets the point across but without being mean? Bearing in mind that my house and garage are still full of his stuff so will have to see him again at some point!

I had a similar problem with (i've forgotton what his thread name was oops ) the ex. He was constantly messaging me, pretty much every day. At first i replied out if politeness but he just did NOT get the hint. I felt we needed distance as 1)it felt like he wasn't over me and 2)we were only together a few months and i wasn;t really sure i wanted to stay friends. I'm ashamed to say in the end i just stopped replying, and then deleted him off FB. I haven;t heard from him since.

FOH needs to understand that it's over. Tbh i'd try one last time to explain to him that at this point in time, you need space. If that doesn;t get through, and others may disagree with me here, i think you should consider cutting off contact. Break ups are a bit like open wounds, if you keep picking at them they won't heal. You need some time and space without his constant contact.

System

Ooooooooooh ooooooh

Excting news! (for me anyway), i saw my manager today *the one who does the rotas), she apologised to putting me down boxing day but said she was desperate for staff and needed people on who were good (i think that might have been a compliment :rotfl: ), but that she'd rang around and would sort me a taxi out, and make sure i have the money up front. AND she told me i have new years off :j :j :j

So now i'm feeling very happy and feeling like i don't mind working boxing day now.

codemonkey

I agree with ono, Pyxis and MU. Polite but firm . And if that doesn't sink in, ignore. Refuse to confirm a time to meet and just ignore his texts. Sounds like he's realised too late what he lost. Either that or he's feeling lonely at Christmas and hoping for a bit of the old jiggy.

Faerie - I can read the panic in your post which is just a stream of consciousness really. You need to be referred to a good counsellor or therapist to help you through the issues. Please get in touch with the Samaritans if you need to.

MU - great news on the work front - its good that you dont have to work all the key days and Boxing day is kind of boring anyway.

As you can tell, I'm awake. Panicking a bit about this test and whether I want this new job at all(when did I become this resistant to change?). Not helped by the fact I keep getting reminder emails - they only sent the link today. I logged in earlier but its a crappy system that needs flash which means it doesnt work on my work computer and I need to use my laptop and I'm tired and feeling pressured and so in full on procrastination/ flight mode. I kind of wish they'd just said no, so I could keep floating in my safe, comfy job bubble. Also woke up panicking about DA dog running into the tunnels at a train station I never take him to, so clearly stressed.

Pyxis

Code, what might help is if you tell yourself you don't particularly want this job, but that it might be kinda fun to go along with the interview/test process, just to add to your interview experience!
And as you don't particularly want this job, you can just pretend you're a candidate and that you're using the experience as a test run for when you apply for the job you really DO want!

And so, because this is all just a role-play exercise, it hahaha! doesn't really matter if the numerical test goes flop-bot, because, well, it's all just a bit of fun anyway! You know what your numeracy skills are like, but it'll be kinda interesting to see what the test will be like because, hey! you don't really want the job anyway.......it's all just a bit of game you're playing, just a bit of fun, just a bit of interview experience! Teehee! What a lark!

At the end of the day, it's just a silly old test! The world won't end if it goes pfft! and it's all a bit of a giggle, and then it's Christmas next week! Teehee! Wouldn't it be funny if the test goes pfft! But they offer you the job anyway! And that would be funny, ''cos you're just doing the test for a laugh! Hahahaha!

Pyxis

16th December



9..................

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbJsJZXFVR8

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rbJsJZXFVR8

codemonkey

Kind of the way I was playing it up until my contact told me they are really interested.

I think what to do if I get to interview stage is to be totally upfront about my condition and what it entails so I'm not wasting anyone's time. I know it's illegal tp discriminate on a disabilty but they can always find another excuse if it bothers them and that way I'll know of they're able to accommodate me.

There are positives to the new job but my old one are so accommodating of my needs and I've been there so long its totally comfortable and non-threatening. Also it sounds like the new job mah be stressful and that is one of my trigger points for pain whereas my old one is very much go to work, come home, leave work at the door.

I'm not sure when it happened but I seem to have gone from fearless lone traveller to afraid to change jobs in a very short time. My disproportionate stress reaction to this tiny thing worries me.

Anyway how are you Pyxis?

codemonkey

And oh my, 9 days? That's terrifying!

Pyxis

It's probably the time of year, Code!

Plus the barometric pressure swings we've been having over the last few weeks are not conducive to stability in either joints or possibly even brains!

As for me, not too good.
In fact pretty awful.

But you never know what's round the corner, do you?

I've been thinking that it may be time to get another dog. I've got to have some unconditional regard in my life! However, the house will have to be sorted first, and there's building work to be done, too. I can't bring a new dog into that sort of upheaval. And at the moment that's all very scary.

Any way, off out this morning, early, to avoid the crowds at the shopping centre.