Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

calleyw

Evening my lovelies been a busy day. Took husband to the garden center to see the xmas display.

He shouted for coffee and he had a piece of cake I had none, Nipped in to Aldi to pick up a couple of roses.

Saw my phews this afternoon and now home cooking some tea.

So no time to binge.

Steamed chicken breast and veg, gravy and mint sauce for tea.

Yours

Calley

mellymoo74

Anyone know 9f any good solicitors.

Rude word housing and asb team

faerielight

Hi guys, I hope you all had a good day. I went to the mind group and they were all really nice, and although you only get 5 minutes to speak as there are so many people, it is a relief to know that I will be able to get some of it out , the group will run for the next 4 months. I really do need one to one help too, but this is a start. Plus, what you said waves really resonated with me, and I tried my hardest to take a breather and make sure I kept myself safe, and iI didn't overshare and overspill too much which for me, which considering the fact that I am the most mentally ill that I've ever been, is a tiny achievement The group was an LBGT one, even thought I have been damaged in my medical function I was still welcome. There were mostly men, 2 trans women and 1 other girl. Things I found useful were someone bringup food addiction and binge eating as I really struggle with that. Also it came up that none of the people there had any mental health input from the NHS and they had all fought it like me. I didn't feel so alone and persecuted by the NHS, knowing I'm not the only one who cannot get NHS support any more.

I am still reeling from the public unravelling on the other threads and I am so mad with myself, and have only myself to blame for publicly going down, and I really am greatful for all the helpful and positively replying, but I really regret both of those threads, as a few of the MSEr's did hurt me.. It was horrible to have people trekking back to select old posts and using them to discredit me . I feel a mixture of anger towards myself for unravelling, and hurt from the few that triggered me, as I have seen those same people ripping others on here and I hate any kind of bullying. I'm sure it will all blow over, I'm just glad you guys here don't hate me It is a hard lesson learnt though to try and make sure I always keep myself emotionally safe online, and in the 3D world too.. I shouldn't have gone to see my mother, I wouldn't have made that decision had I been mentally well.I just need to find some meaning in a world where I am youngish and disabled with mental health issues, and that I find some hope to propel me onwards and upwards.

Georgiegirl256

Pyxis wrote: »

Georgie, one thing I found quite useful is this........what is The most upbeat, feelgood song you know? Sing it to yourself. A couple of times. Then, everytime that intrusive thought comes into your mind, start singing the feelgood song, either out loud or internally, and smile a lot. Every time. The intrusive thought will eventually get fed up with being squashed by the feelgood song! And you'll be able to enjoy your holiday! )

Thanks Pyxis The thing that's bothering me/problem will still be here when I get back, but in the mean time, I'll try your advice, sounds like a good idea!

Waves_and_Smiles

Well done Faerie, that is amazing! You have done so well today! I am so glad that you found the group positive! You have a good reason to be proud of yourself!

Of course we don't hate you, and you know what? The people who you feel were harsh to you don't hate you either. Another thing you and I have in common is when we feel criticised we immediately think everyone hates us, so we panic and feel attacked just as we felt as helpless children, we try to make it better (usually making it worse) and then end up concluding we were idiots to even try and it's all our fault and we hate us, too. We do this because we have all the old memories in our heads telling us we aren't worthwhile, we are waiting to be criticised because our self-worth is so low that we expect it and then it reminds us how helpless we used to feel and the panic and self-hatred floods in. I still have those feelings, my go-to emotion is argh! I messed up again! but I have learnt to seldom act on those feelings and to challenge them.

One of the most important things I was taught is when people disagree with you (however strongly) is that it isn't a personal attack on you. They are criticising the behaviour that they do not like. Just like everyone in the world sometimes we do things that others don't like and that will vary from person to person, you really cannot make everyone happy. If people disagree it doesn't mean they hate us and everything that we are, it is that one specific thing. Chances are there are many other points that they would agree with us on, that they may think we are very kind, or funny or have other positive qualities if we were discussing something else. They do not disagree with/hate who we are as a whole, they just disagree with one aspect of what we have done.

So now if people disagree with me although my immediate internal response is see? I knew I was horrible! I force myself to acknowledge that ok, someone doesn't agree with me on ONE thing I said or did. It doesn't mean they don't like me, it just means they don't like that ONE thing. People have different ways of putting disagreement over, some are harsher than others but we cannot change that. What we can control is our responses to those comments and how we view them. There is a very old phrase, attack the behaviour and not the person. A lot of people forget this and do come over as attacking the person but what they are still doing is attacking the behaviour really, they just don't use those boundaries as clearly as they should. Try remembering that, it is very empowering to take the control back from the panicky self-hatred feelings.

Waves_and_Smiles

I agree with Pyxis, Georgie. For now distract as much as you can with things that make you feel good. Another way of looking at it is if the problem will still be there when you get back then you can worry about it then. Everytime you think of it say (aloud if needed) Stop! and think I know I am going to deal with this once I get back so worrying about it now is totally pointless. Therefore I am going to let the worry go and dismiss it, I don't NEED to worry about it now. Then distract as much as you can.

faerielight

thanks guys..Waves... you are wise beyond your years and you really undersand where I'm coming from today has been the 1st day without major stress.. I've got the mental health tea ringing tomooror at 1 and my friend is coming over to advocate for me.. he is furious that neighter them or my gp have called me to check on me when even my care agency has contacted both as they are worried about me.. I don't really want t talk to them for them to tell me for the umteenth time that they won't help me, but My friend says I should speak to them.. I'll let you know how it goes// night all

Waves_and_Smiles

I really am so glad for you Faerie, I am sitting here with a big grin. Good luck for tomorrow, I will be thinking of you. You are doing the right thing by speaking to them and you will have your friend with you. You are really brave, do you realise that? Night, night.

Georgiegirl256

Exactly what I was going to say Faerie, WaS is so wise You really are WaS, you always know what to say and what to advise.

Thoughts of what's bothering me keep popping in my mind, I start worrying about things and it brings me down, so I'll try and follow your advice too and try not to worry

Glad to hear you've had a better day Faerie, and hope tomorrow goes ok

Waves_and_Smiles

Awww thank you, Georgie and everyone else who was lovely to me. I am not really wise, I have just been therapied half to death! After 16 years of therapy, a psychology degree, therapist training and 34 years in the mental health system if I hadn't picked up some of the techniques by now I would deserve to be shot! Some of it had to make it's way into this tiny brain!

I'm still as mad as a box of frogs really!