Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Pyxis

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

That all makes sense.

I;ve alwasy been afraid of asking the GP about it, partly cos you dont expect memory problems to kick in till old age and partly cos there's a part of me that panics it means something is seriously wrong.

I doubt it's anything sinister. I can't remember a huge amount from my childhood or early teenage years. I think I've blocked stuff out. Don't know why, because I don't think anything really horrid happened. However, I do tend to compartmentalise my life, and when one episode ends, I tend to slam the door on it and forget a lot. Not consciously, it just gets forgotten about.

Perhaps that's what you do too?

SingleSue

I did something incredibly brave (for me anyway) at the weekend...I went to a gig on my own! Years ago, pre marriage, children, breakdown etc, I wouldn't have thought anything about it but panic attacks and more especially the breakdown, took that away.

I almost didn't go, was doing all my normal avoidance routine (won't enjoy it, could do with not spending the money etc) but then told myself that I know the band, I wouldn't be sitting there on my own and then just decided to go for it and booked the taxi...once that was booked, there was no going back.

I had a great time! Ok, it cost me a fair bit in taxis but the band (and their partners/wives) welcomed me with open arms and they looked after me all night and made sure I was safely in a taxi to come home before they packed up their van.

Re medication - I have always been a problem medication taker, by the time I had my breakdown the doctor had sussed it out and gave me medication that had side effects if I didn't take them, made it a begger to come off the blooming things but at least it ensured I was on them long enough to finally make a difference, unlike all the medication that was given to me in the years before for PND/general depression.

I'm still the same now with my pain medication, I want to be able to drive, in fact, I need to be able to drive because of my care duties and so I have limited the list of what they can give me. It really frustrates the doctor because I should be taking much more powerful painkillers and of course, it would allow me to move slightly easier but it would also mean I would not be safe to drive. I do have Gabapentin which I am supposed to take regularly everyday but I only take it when things are horrendously bad and I cannot move or function at all. I also have Amitriptylene and Naproxen (can only take that one sparingly because of the physical impact on my blood pressure/heart)...and although they help, I can at times be a little rebellious about taking them.

Brain fog/memory - I get that in buckets now, I have huge voids in my memory. Some of it is understandable because it is from my breakdown years where everything is a little blurry but some days, I am amazed I can still get my shopping and know how to get home!

System

Pyxis wrote: »

I doubt it's anything sinister. I can't remember a huge amount from my childhood or early teenage years. I think I've blocked stuff out. Don't know why, because I don't think anything really horrid happened. However, I do tend to compartmentalise my life, and when one episode ends, I tend to slam the door on it and forget a lot. Not consciously, it just gets forgotten about.

Perhaps that's what you do too?

In some ways I do do that

There are certainly aspects of my past I wanted to forget and essentially ive done that. Maybe I just have a skewed perspective of memory? I think I assume everyone remembers everything and its just me that's doesn't remember

Little thing I do remember (bad things like being aged about 2 and my parents arguing-that's the first memory I have), and I remember good things too.

I just worry I don't recall as much as I should

Waves_and_Smiles

Memory is interesting because there are so many reasons why we forget things, seldom due to sinister causes. My memory is in pieces both short term and long term. In my case I am dissociative so I automatically wipe out huge chunks that I can't deal with, plus psychosis causes short term memory loss. Add to that anti-psychotics and pain medication and I forget things constantly, hence I often messing up making a cup of tea because I simply can't recall the order things go in.

Although I did love any stuffed animal (still do!) my dad also made sure that they weren't all the toys that I had. Because he was very scientific I constantly had chemistry sets, a little steam engine that ran on paraffin, lots of Mechano with which we made a working Ferris Wheel and I still have a huge bag of Lego from when I was a child. So I was always somewhere in the middle and didn't really differentiate between between girls and boys toys. My mother and grandmother were very girly indeed and fled to my grandmothers house when we got the chemistry sets out...

Thank you MU, I know that you are right. I wouldn't be ok for very long at all without my medication. I shall keep taking it.

Pyxis

SingleSue so glad you took the plunge and went to the gig!

I remember the first time I went away on my own. I'd belonged to a national music appreciation society for well over a year before I felt brave enough to go on one of their organised weekends away. I'd wanted to go before, but always chickened out. This time, it was somewhere I really wanted to go, so I went for it! I told myself that if I really hated it, I would just leave and go home. But all the way to the hotel I was bricking it, and nearly turned round a couple of times! But just kept telling myself that I didn't have to stay if it was really awful.
Anyway, I found that staying in a hotel was no problem after all! Despite my nervousness about going to breakfast on my own, it was fine! I wasn't the only person breakfasting alone! All the activities, two dinners and concerts were organised, and I soon got chatting to people! One lovely lady took me under her wing, and in fact I met up with her and a couple of others on other weekends with this group.

It was the best thing I ever did, as it gave me the confidence to do other things on my own.......go to concerts in London, even the theatre sometimes too, and eventually, to go abroad on holiday,(admittedly with organised package holidays, but still on my own!)

I know people that live alone, who won't even pop into a local cafe to have a lunch on their own, let alone go on holiday, and I think that's such a shame. If I didn't do things on my own, I'd never do anything, as the few people I know rarely want to do the things that I want to do......they don't have the same musical tastes etc.or the desire to do such things.

So bravo for this one small step, SingleSue! Onward and upward!

Wellyboots6

My memory is terrible too. I struggle with remembering what order things have happened and how long ago etc. Therefore things like filling in job applications are difficult because I can't remember where I worked when or for how long. I don't remember how old people are (or me, quite often!) and have forgotten places I have lived etc.
I did get told a name for it but have forgotten it! Apparently mine is like a type of dyslexia, but related to numbers and ordering rather than words and reading..

I'd have loved to have been older in the 80s. I love the music and the fashion.

Survived last night. Had a practice night ready for hubby going to work tomorrow. I did all the feeds and changing of Escapette so he could sleep. She was so good and made it very easy for me. I suspect she won't be so helpful tonight though!

Got Little Sod at the vets in a bit for booster jabs. He isn't speaking to me at the moment as he got in trouble yesterday for climbing on MIL and pinning her to the sofa licking her face. 41kg of stinky dog is not a good thing to be squashed and snogged by!!

Pyxis

:rotfl: Katy! Could LittleSod be marketed as a Mil-deterrent? :rotfl:

onomatopoeia99

First concert I went to on my own was just after I started university. I didn't know anyone here and when I discovered that David Swarbrick (violinist) and Martin Carthy (singer) where playing locally, I went - part of the city I hadn't been to before (I think it was about 10 days after I arrived), venue I hadn't been to before etc, and previous concerts I'd been to with friends had been huge (Pink Floyd at Wembley stadium, for example). This was completely different, a couple of hundred people in a tiny venue so not like anything I'd experienced before.

I was very nervous, but very glad I went though, the gig was superb. Nowadays, I can't remember the last time I went to a gig with someone else (this has a lot to do with my taste in music )


Email came round at work about the company Christmas meal, asking about the attendance of partners, which reminded me just how many years it is since I've been in a relationship, so I'm feeling a bit rubbish about life at the moment. Also had an email from my mum saying the vicar wants us all to speak about our memories of my gran at her funeral next week. Public speaking is one of those things that causes me massive problems, when my brother got married the reason he didn't ask me to be best man is because he knew I wouldn't be able to give a speech (I am so grateful to him for that, it meant I got to enjoy the wedding and he got a good speech from his friend that he asked instead). So I'm faced with the prospect of saying no to someone important to me, which is another thing I find really, really difficult.

Birdie85

Love your natural colour Gingernutty!

MU - that song is great! I had it in my head all night! I was good and remembered to take my canvas bag to the supermarket yesterday, but bought too much to fit in it so ended up with half my shopping precariously balanced in my (thankfully quite large!) handbag! I now have TWO canvas bags in my bag!

Was the Maze Runner film good Calley? I'm currently reading that book so no spoilers please! I need to watch the first film too, although DH has watched it and said they don't speak in the film like they do in the book which is a shame. The books are really good if anyone is after something new to read.

I really want to go to see The Martian. That book was brilliant too!

I forgot about the show about trans kids last night, going to watch it on catch up tonight, I thought it looked realy interesting. I'd like to think I'd be pretty accepting if DS came out as gay/trans/anything else but I do worry how the rest of our family would take it! I'm not really into this gender stereotyping either. My friend has a little girl and all of her toys have to be pink (or at least, if it comes in a pink variation, they have to get that, not the regular primary colour one, like even the balls for her ball pool have to be pink!) and I just think it's ridiculous. DS loves balls and trains, but he also loves dolls. His favourite ball is a big pink and purple one! He doesn't care. People are also shocked that his room isn't blue and covered in diggers etc... it's just cream walls with rainbow colours all over and he loves it because it's bright and interesting.

I was pretty girly when I was younger in that I loved Barbies (still do) and my dolls house (well, it was the Playmobil mansion, but kind of a dolls house!)... but I had a big brother who I idolised so I also loved GI Joe, Lego, playing football and building dens etc! One of the reasons DH and I get along so well is that I can talk to him about blokey things!

Well done on going to the gig Sue! :T Sounds like a great night, would have been a shame to have missed it!

If it weren't for the whole toilets/heating/feminine hygiene issue I'd like to go back to the Regency period. I love watching TV shows where people go back in time

SingleSue

Pyxis wrote: »

SingleSue so glad you took the plunge and went to the gig!

I remember the first time I went away on my own. I'd belonged to a national music appreciation society for well over a year before I felt brave enough to go on one of their organised weekends away. I'd wanted to go before, but always chickened out. This time, it was somewhere I really wanted to go, so I went for it! I told myself that if I really hated it, I would just leave and go home. But all the way to the hotel I was bricking it, and nearly turned round a couple of times! But just kept telling myself that I didn't have to stay if it was really awful.
Anyway, I found that staying in a hotel was no problem after all! Despite my nervousness about going to breakfast on my own, it was fine! I wasn't the only person breakfasting alone! All the activities, two dinners and concerts were organised, and I soon got chatting to people! One lovely lady took me under her wing, and in fact I met up with her and a couple of others on other weekends with this group.

It was the best thing I ever did, as it gave me the confidence to do other things on my own.......go to concerts in London, even the theatre sometimes too, and eventually, to go abroad on holiday,(admittedly with organised package holidays, but still on my own!)

I know people that live alone, who won't even pop into a local cafe to have a lunch on their own, let alone go on holiday, and I think that's such a shame. If I didn't do things on my own, I'd never do anything, as the few people I know rarely want to do the things that I want to do......they don't have the same musical tastes etc.or the desire to do such things.

So bravo for this one small step, SingleSue! Onward and upward!

Pre break down but post PND/general depression and when I was still in the midst of panic attacks, I was let down on a trip to Denmark. I was supposed to be meeting my friend at the airport (Aarhus) and then the next day travelling down via car to Copenhagen.

Well, she got a taxi to meet me at the airport (hell of a thrill to have the name on a card at the airport experience) and we met up in a car park in the middle of nowhere. She proceeded to tell me that she wouldn't be coming with me the next day, so I would be travelling by train alone.

The train was fine, the arrival in Copenhagen not too bad but the getting back to the hotel after the sporting event I had gone for was horrendous...there was me, completely unable to get a taxi or on public transport, wandering up the road from the stadium in tears and going into meltdown. At the time, I could only say Congratulations, Happy birthday in Danish and please, thankyou and I was completely lost with no idea how to get back to the hotel.

No idea how I did it but I got talking to others walking up that road, particularly with a group of Danes who were also hopelessly lost, so I was no longer alone with my lostness :rotfl: We ambled down the (very very long) road and took potluck at the roundabout with the exits and amazingly, finally found a taxi to get us back to my hotel....which was around the next blooming corner!

In the end, I had a brilliant night out in the company of some amazing people but the journey back to Aarhus airport still had to be completed, alone.

To my own surprise, I managed to book the correct tickets, find the right platform, even advise someone on which was the correct platform for their train (in Danish!), get on the train and be mistaken for a Dane as by this time, I had picked up enough Danish to read a paper (I got bored waiting at the station for my train so spent time working stuff out), follow a map and decipher the train timetable....I had a hard job convincing those in the carriage that I was actually British and had only been in the country for little more than 36 hours!

It was the worst and best trip of my life, the feeling of being completely alone in a different country and lost is one I do not wish to experience again but god was I so proud of myself for getting through it and having (in the end) a great break and being able to cope with it.