How do you leave someone you love?

moneyistooshorttomention

Ophelia_10 wrote: »

That is exactly my question and why I feel so insecure
I would indeed be very much second-best in that scenario or if he is ill etc....I wouldn't even get to know initially!

I can certainly understand why you would feel insecure in your position.

So - I guess you have to weigh up whether you really/really intend to leave him this time - rather than put up with that insecurity on the one hand.

On the other hand - some women (trans. many women) aren't "strong/independent" enough to be on their own. Some of us will refuse to put up with unsatisfactory relationships - even if its at the expense of potentially being on their own. Some wont.

Are you someone who is comfortable with being on her own/have you been on your own before now? If you are - then you can leave him. If you aren't - then it is true that single women in our agegroup are (very) unlikely to meet/match up with another man who is their "equal".

Voice of experience time - I had no problem getting boyfriends when younger. But, as my looks have gone, then I gradually found that the men who were taking an interest in me tend to be plain/ugly or old enough to be my father or not very "bright" and so on. It's much more difficult for a woman to get together with a man who is her "equal" as she gets older. Its sexist - but that's how it is:(.

So - leave him if you're comfortable on your own. If you aren't comfortable on your own - then I guess the best you can do is get him to make the "practical" arrangements necessary that you are "logged" as being the next of kin (even though you aren't married to him).

greenbee

amistupid wrote: »

Unlike divorce, you're on his 'things to do' list. Take yourself off it until divorce is at the very top.

Sound advice. He needs to learn to prioritise appropriately.

My ex was similar - didn't want to divorce his wife as she didn't want a divorce (she's catholic) and it would upset his kids. After 4 years I gave up waiting for him to put me nearer the top of his list (I can understand his kids coming first, but his parents and his ex and his ex's dog seemed to have priority over me). A year after we split, he decided that he wanted me back. Six month's later he was divorced (and the world hasn't ended). Sadly for him he left it too late, as I no longer want to be with him.