Did you plan your wedding before you got engaged?

AubreyMac

Even if the marriage doesn't last, does it mean it was a waste of money? If the money was spent on someone's 'dream wedding', well at least they got it out of their system and ticked off their bucket list.

Caroline_a

AubreyMac wrote: »

Even if the marriage doesn't last, does it mean it was a waste of money? If the money was spent on someone's 'dream wedding', well at least they got it out of their system and ticked off their bucket list.

Only if they can afford it. A chap I work with is spending £40k (yes, £40k!!) on his wedding. That's more than twice his net salary for a year. (He's gone into debt for it - no help from family)

Ridiculous.

clairec79

I know someone who said the vicar told him that the more was spent on the wedding the shorter the marriage - his theory was the couple were more focused on the wedding than the marriage - and the comedown afterwards was huge

System

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I do oooh and aaah over sites like Offbeat Bride, and pretty rings on Etsy...but that's as far as it goes

HBS x

I have a Pintrest board of wedding ideas, but that's just nice things i've seen and wanted to keep for future reference. No current plans of marriage though! I'll save actual wedding planing for it i'm ever actually engaged (though bf's attitude seems to be for men their job is to turn up and get wed and the details men don't really care about :eek: which although seems slightly sexist in a way i think he as saying he felt women care far too much about all the details, all that really matters is actually getting married to the person you love)

FBaby

I could understand someone looking at wedding dresses before a proposal as that is something specific to the bride-to-be that the groom would never be involved in, but venue brochures.....?
WOW! Just WOW!

Ha ha, would have made no difference because in the end, I was the one to write and got all the brochures and make the appointments to go and visits the venues I'd selected, so in the end, before or after would have made no difference. OH is normally the organiser as he thinks he is the best at it, so it was quite nice that I took the initiative and even nicer when he showered with compliments at how well I had organised the whole thing. Unfortunately, it now means that he is happy to let me deal with sorting holidays!

Really I don't see what is wrong with it, whether it is because you like to dream or because you are an OCD organiser or a bit of both. It certainly isn't any indication to how successful the marriage is going to be (at worse, a big fat disappointment if the engagement never comes).

dirty_magic

elsien wrote: »

That whole "we're planning to get engaged next year" thing always baffles me. Why plan to get engaged? If you want to, then just do it.
Then again I am equally baffled by the women (my ex-sil) who are completely hung up for months on end as to whether he's going to propose. Again, if you feel that strongly, ask him yourself.
I've never planned my wedding or dreamed about what sort of dress I might have. ( Being asked to be a bridesmaid brought me out in hives at the thought of what I might be crammed into.)

I do see why a lot of women don't ask themselves tbh. In my experience the woman usually wants to get married more than the man. I know this isn't always the case, but I do think it's more common for the woman to want it more. I'd never ask my OH; I'd rather him choose to do it because I know he doesn't want to. I'd feel like he was just saying yes because he didn't want to say no. He's told me he'd say no anyway!

I do think it's crazy how expensive weddings have become now, and I always say I'd never spend thousands, but realistically I think it's quite difficult to have a wedding on a budget if you want to feed all of your friends and family. I think this is another reason some people have to wait so long. Most of my friends have had or would like traditional (and expensive) weddings, and it takes time to save for them.

Hermia

AubreyMac wrote: »

Even if the marriage doesn't last, does it mean it was a waste of money? If the money was spent on someone's 'dream wedding', well at least they got it out of their system and ticked off their bucket list.

My friend had an expensive dream wedding and was divorced two years later. She now wants another dream wedding. She sees it as a brand new marriage to her real true love so just as worthy of all that money as the first one. A lot of people are not happy!

Hermia

clairec79 wrote: »

I know someone who said the vicar told him that the more was spent on the wedding the shorter the marriage - his theory was the couple were more focused on the wedding than the marriage - and the comedown afterwards was huge

I heard a wedding planner say pretty much the same thing.

There was a study done showing a link between expensive weddings and higher divorce rates, but I am not sure how they got the stats.
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/the-larger-the-rock-the-rockier-the-marriage-2014-10-15

Gloomendoom

Hermia wrote: »

I heard a wedding planner say pretty much the same thing.

There was a study done showing a link between expensive weddings and higher divorce rates, but I am not sure how they got the stats.
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/the-larger-the-rock-the-rockier-the-marriage-2014-10-15

That is interesting. So, according to the study quoted, the less your wedding costs and the more guests you have, the less likely you are to get divorced.

Rather comforting from a personal perspective.

FreddieFrugal

Gloomendoom wrote: »

That is interesting. So, according to the study quoted, the less your wedding costs and the more guests you have, the less likely you are to get divorced.

Rather comforting from a personal perspective.

I wonder if that study only considered first timers or people that were remarrying after a previous divorce. It may be people spend less the second/third time, and by that stage they've actually ended up with the right person.

It does make sense though anyway, as others have said if you have an overexpensive/unaffordable wedding you're making out as if it's all just about the day. When the honeymoon is over that expense will leave a bitter aftertaste of debt that no one should have to start their married life with.

Our wedding day was great, we really enjoyed it, probably happiest day of our lives. Why? Because we got married. Not because we had some ridiculously lavish ceremony or huge reception at a castle.

Anything extra would have been completely superfluous. So we kept the extras nice but low cost. Our wedding cost under £2500 including dress, suit, ceremony, reception, food, decorations etc.

FIL paid for venue and dress, because he wanted to. My mum and dad paid for my suit and the invitations. So we only paid a few hundred on ceremony and extras like place cards.

So it was a lovely day but had no financial impact on us at all. Could enjoy it without worrying about how we were paying for it.
Even if we had paid for it, we'd have covered it with two months worth of saving.

I think considering how many divorces are based on money issues and debt stress, having a partner with whom you have a shared attitude towards money and saving, plus trusting each other financially is vital to a stable future together.