Did you plan your wedding before you got engaged?

Pollycat

dirty_magic wrote: »

If you do, does your OH know? I was shocked when my friend confessed that she'd ordered brochures for venues before he'd proposed, but we went to a wedding recently and a girl on our table admitted that she also had a secret wedding scrapbook. I've now just come across a thread on the weddings and anniversaries board and it seems to be more common than I thought!

My OH wasn't impressed at all and asked if I had one! He thinks it's really odd, and tbh I agree with him because I think wedding planning is something you should do together. It wouldn't even cross my mind, but then he's not going to propose. What do the men here think? Would you be annoyed if your girlfriend did this?

Regarding the people who secretly plan their wedding, it sounds to me that the wedding is more important to them than their relationship.

Surely a wedding is something you plan together?
Decide what sort of occasion you want it to be etc.
If I were a bloke who'd just proposed to my girlfriend and she produced a 'secret scrapbook' that she'd been compling behind my back, I'd run a mile.

monicataylor

I don’t know whether it is considered as planning . But like every other girl i always had some basic ideas about what i wanted for my wedding.I always wanted to get married in a banquet hall with beautiful Victorian decor.Last summer my friend got married in Le jardin chateau. It looked exactly like the place i wanted to get married. So i enquired the rent for banquet hall in Vaughan. One month later he proposed and we have booked same place.

FBaby

OH and I were talking about our future wedding about 12 months before he finally made it official! So yes, we'd already talked about dates (as in preferred season!), type of places, how big etc... This means that we were able to get married less than 6 months after he proposed.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to go about it. For some, the proposal come as a total surprise, for others it doesn't at all.

Pollycat

FBaby wrote: »

OH and I were talking about our future wedding about 12 months before he finally made it official! So yes, we'd already talked about dates (as in preferred season!), type of places, how big etc... This means that we were able to get married less than 6 months after he proposed.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to go about it. For some, the proposal come as a total surprise, for others it doesn't at all.

But talking about it with your 'intended' is a lot differnt to writing - without your partner knowing - to venues and asking for brochures or compiling a secret scrapbook. :eek:

I could understand someone looking at wedding dresses before a proposal as that is something specific to the bride-to-be that the groom would never be involved in, but venue brochures.....?
WOW! Just WOW!

[Deleted User]

IanRi wrote: »

No, we planned it about three months before the wedding

We arranged ours in six weeks. We went to make a booking at the Register Office and they mentioned that they had a free slot in six weeks time. As we only wanted a small wedding (21 of us in total at the event) we though why not and booked the day. It was then a bit of a mad rush to arrange everything, but it all worked out fine.


We never got engaged either.

tizerbelle

monicataylor wrote: »

But like every other girl i always had some basic ideas about what i wanted for my wedding.

Sorry but it's certainly not every other girl. I have never planned/dreamed/thought about ideas for "my" wedding and I'm mid-forties now. Maybe I'm the exception to the rule but I very much doubt it's just me.

Pollycat

tizerbelle wrote: »

Sorry but it's certainly not every other girl. I have never planned/dreamed/thought about ideas for "my" wedding and I'm mid-forties now. Maybe I'm the exception to the rule but I very much doubt it's just me.

I wonder if Monica is advertising in her post....?

3 posts and companies mentioned in all of them.
First one was asking about pools in Oakville so not a UK resident.

Getting married wasn't my dream either.
Married twice, both times at the Register Office, no long white dress (my idea of hell).
I didn't want the fuss and palaver, being the centre of attention.

dirty_magic

ognum wrote: »

This is interesting and requires the definition of an engagement.

Is it when you agree you will get married, in which case you had clearly agreed so you didn't plan before engagement

Or

Is it when you get a ring, which you seem to be suggesting!

This is the bit that I can't get my head around either. Literally all my friends are getting married so we've been talking about this a lot, mostly because if you're 28 and not engaged everyone is obsessed with when 'your turn' is. Out of everyone I've spoken to only one girl has said they're not bothered about a proposal. There was another who said she didn't care but she's engaged now too, and secretly she did! All of the others are waiting, some patiently and some not so patiently!

Most of them have said that their OH has put a time frame on it; next year after we've bought the house etc. If you know they're going to do it aren't you technically engaged?

A few of them have said they're issuing ultimatums and have cried at their OH because he hasn't asked, but doesn't that take the sparkle out of it when he does propose? I do tease my OH about it, and I'll admit it'd be nice to be asked, but I wouldn't want him to propose just to shut me up.

It's just really surprised me how many people seem to be desperate for a proposal, even to the extent of planning things. Maybe it's just people I know!

Birdie85

I didn't plan my wedding until I was engaged. I agree that it's a bit sad and desperate to do so! It's one thing having a Pinterest board with pretty wedding stuff saved on 'for fun' (I've noticed a few of my friends have these and it's harmless, although in the case of my perpetually single friend, a little odd; Pinterest became a big thing after I was married otherwise I probably would have had a board too. ) it's another to write to venues and have an actual scrapbook and buy the magazines etc.

I think it's sad that some women are so desperate to get married that they start planning in advance... why are they so desperate? Why will their OH's not propose if they've been together long enough and they know that's what she wants?

dirty_magic

In fairness to the girls I mentioned they did it because they knew he would propose at some point, so they just saw it as a head start. I just think it's weird not to involve the OH. Though some girls who have got engaged now have complained that their OH isn't interested, which is probably because they've already got it all sorted!

I actually think that part of the reason for the long wait for a proposal is because they put so much pressure on them!

It's interesting that you mention pinterest, I though it was just an online version of a scrapbook so to me it's the same thing!