Husband doesn't find me attractive!

Guest101

*max* wrote: »

Sooo...let's recap.

He puts you down constantly and undermines your efforts to be healthier.
He makes fun of you behind your back, lets his friends make fun of you too.
He tells you you are bad in bed.
He tells you you're not attractive.
He constantly looks at other women, and not even discreetly.
He moans about your personality.


Why - WHY - are you staying with this complete A-hole? He's not a nice husband, he's not even a nice person. He's an idiot who likes to put others down to make himself feel better and avoid looking at his own (many!) shortcomings.

Face it. He's a tw4t.

But he's her tw4t, and she needs to make the decision, not have it rammed down her throat.

LilElvis

OP - pretty much the only positive thing you have said about your husband is that he's a good father. But he isn't.

You say he doesn't really join in with you as a family - he walks ahead.
He sets his son a bad example by eating rubbish food.
He sets his son an even worse example by undermining his mother in his presence.
He risks emotionally damaging his son by making comments about you looking for a new daddy for him.

I'm sure you are a wonderful Mum, but your husband's poor behaviour and attitude will be having a negative effect on your son.

Your problems run far deeper than his attitude towards your weight loss - it sounds like a toxic relationship overall and one which will be having a lasting affect on both you and your son if you allow it to continue as it is now.

Tropez

He probably does find you attractive, more attractive and that's the problem for him. If he's finding you more attractive, then there's a good chance that others will take notice. As people have said, he's insecure. Probably terrified of being alone. So he may, consciously or not, out of pure jealousy, be trying to whittle away at your self-esteem so that you feel compelled to stay with him.

Think about your best friend and read through your posts about your husband on here as if they were written by your best friend, rather than by yourself. And then think about what your suggestions would be to your best friend in the same situation.

pollypenny

Marieboo2 wrote: »

I have told him that if nothing else it's for my health, I was getting out of breath going up stairs, couldn't play football with my son. But he thinks it's to attract other men. Tbh couldn't be further from the truth.

I do feel more confident but his constant nagging is starting to eat into that. He brought home McDonald's food last night, when I wouldn't eat any he said I was being ridiculous and went to bed in a mood.
Then he told me I look so awful that I have "run out of my uses" it's depressing.
If I were to talk to him like this, he could easily lose weight , he's in the high 20s stone wise. But I accept he's not ready to do that and so I would never put him down.
Just a pity the same respect can't be shown to me really.

He feels guilty then and is probably afraid that you won't find him attractive. To be blunt, not many women would.

You're doing the right thing for your health both now and in the future. Keep it up. :T

enthusiasticsaver

I empathise with you as I know how difficult it is to lose weight having struggled with it myself over the years and have to constantly watch what I eat whereas my husband who is naturally tall and thin can eat what he wants . Do you still cook for your OH or have you left him to his own devices if he is obviously not keen on eating healthily?


Well done on losing the weight and do this for yourself and the good example you are setting to your son. I also would go to the gym in spite of what your OH says and make him look after your son. He is obviously worried you will find someone else there but he needs to trust you otherwise the relationship is doomed anyway and the exercise in the gym may help your own state of mind. Failing that go swimming with your son or cycling and maybe your OH will see he is missing out.




I agree with others that this has obviously threatened your OH in spite of what he says to your face and as he is seriously overweight himself I am wondering if he is the happy centre of attention you say he likes to be. This may be masking some sort of depression as eating fatty and sugary food is escapism of a sort. He is however inflicting hurtful and mental abuse on you so for the sake of your relationship, your own mental health and the advantage he is setting for your son I think some sort of counselling is needed here.

Gigervamp

Tropez wrote: »

Think about your best friend and read through your posts about your husband on here as if they were written by your best friend, rather than by yourself. And then think about what your suggestions would be to your best friend in the same situation.

Actually, talking about your best friend, what do your friends and family think of him? I've found that mine were pretty accurate about my exes. Of course, I didn't see it at the time, but looking back, they were right.

Marieboo2

My family and friends all like him. As I said he's the life and soul, although he has plenty to say about them when they aren't hear. He likes to point. Out my families flaws too, I'm not particulary close to my family(he is to his mum) so he likes to tell me that even my own family hate me when we argue.
It's getting to the stage where I dread him coming home at night and I cannot be bothered to argue with him. He says and does as he pleases.
I cook for him still, although it's 2 separate meals if I cook him healthy food he complains and pigs out. When I cook him what he wants he complains I'm making him fat. Although he is only fat because living with me is so boring and awful. (This is his latest excuse)
I understand when you are larger and not ready to lose weight you don't feel like encouraging others. I have been there. But it's his complete lack of even trying to ignore what I'm doing that's eating at me.

I just wish he would shut up.

enthusiasticsaver

I am sorry to have to say this but I cannot see that this can end well. How would you stand financially if you split up? Do you work or is he the sole breadwinner?

Marieboo2

I worked part time until recently. So I could return if needs be and the house is in joint names as are most of our assists. We have separate bank accounts thankfully, as he isn't great with money.

I'm hoping that if he thinks this is the road we are heading on he will realise. If not then maybe it's nothing to do with my weight, I'm simply not the person he wants to be with and he doesn't have the guts to admit it

Mrshaworth2b

I just wanted to say, if you were my mum and this is how my dad was with you I would be so sad for you and willing you to either go to marriage counselling (if you believed it was worth fighting for) or to leave.

This is the man that is meant to love you through the bad and the good no matter what. He should be happy that you are getting healthy and wanting to live longer and enjoy life. Instead he is being selfish and mocking you.

I do wonder, is he upset because he knows if he lost all the weight he would have the confidence to leave and maybe that's why he's worried about you?

You seem like a lovely lady, I am sorry this is the man you live with.