Husband doesn't find me attractive!

Marieboo2

Thank you all for the comments.
One of the biggest plus sides of Losing weight has been going out and about more with my son. I didn't like going out when I was bigger, mainly because I got tired but I was paranoid people would be staring. now we can go out places he's always wanted to visit.
My husband on the other hand seems still to be as embarrassed as ever when we are out. Walks in front of us, doesn't want to go anywhere with me. If I book a night out for us he complains and makes it obvious he'd rather be at home.

But yet he claims its me that is boring.
I have to admit his comment about me no longer being useful was hurtful in the extreme. He does say these things in front of my child, or tells my son I'm looking for another daddy for him. Silly things like that.
When in all honesty it's him who has been caught over stepping the mark with women at work and online.
It's all a bit of a mess really.

Tlg1991

Marieboo2 wrote: »

Thank you all for the comments.
One of the biggest plus sides of Losing weight has been going out and about more with my son. I didn't like going out when I was bigger, mainly because I got tired but I was paranoid people would be staring. now we can go out places he's always wanted to visit.
My husband on the other hand seems still to be as embarrassed as ever when we are out. Walks in front of us, doesn't want to go anywhere with me. If I book a night out for us he complains and makes it obvious he'd rather be at home.

But yet he claims its me that is boring.
I have to admit his comment about me no longer being useful was hurtful in the extreme. He does say these things in front of my child, or tells my son I'm looking for another daddy for him. Silly things like that.
When in all honesty it's him who has been caught over stepping the mark with women at work and online.
It's all a bit of a mess really.

He may say that in jest and it may seem silly but i guarantee from the way he is acting and joking about it, that is 100% how he actually feels. now your doing something about it he is more threatened than ever.

And surely it should be him booking nights out and treating you, not the other way around. i hope you see the light before its to late because from the sounds of it there is one child in that house and its not your son.

cyantist

Maybe he's worried that you'll finally get enough confidence to leave him. And it seems like he has given you enough reason to in the past so I don't think many people would blame you if you did

Primrose

Congratulations on the weight loss. It must have been hard work. It sounds to me as if your husband resents both your success and perseverance if he is overweight himself as well as your resulting self confidence.

Don't let his bullying get you down. You are fitter and healthier now. If he keeps on nagging, just quietly point out to him that that the boot will be on the other foot if his junk food binging results in him having a heart attack or a stroke , and that if that happens his constant criticism of you may well have driven you away so that there will be nobody to look after him !

Seriously, just tell him you feel better foe the weight loss and that he would probably feel the same if he had the motivation to join you. I suspect he's secretly envious of your determination and success which has reduced his sense of manliness, so the easiest way of getting his back is by trying to undermine you. Don't let let him succeed.

Marieboo2

cyantist wrote: »

Maybe he's worried that you'll finally get enough confidence to leave him. And it seems like he has given you enough reason to in the past so I don't think many people would blame you if you did

But I have never given him any reason to think this, I don't go out anywhere without my child. And if a rare appointment pops up whilst he's at work he knows exactly where I am and expects me to come straight home.
There is literally zero chance I could cheat even if I wanted to. Which I dont.

Cannot speak to him about any of this. He accusing me of rubbing his face in it if I were clothes that show my weight loss. If I were make up, he wants to know why. Yet any chance he gets he gets his digs in. Last night he came into the conservatory to tell me how out of proportion I look? For no reason.
I feel like if I started telling him all his faults I would never end. I could list everyhting about him that irritates me but the list wouldn't stop. I wouldn't do it however, as I would hate to make anyone feel as low as I have. Maybe we should try counselling.

Loz01

OP well done on the weight loss but your OH sounds bloody awful!! Partners should be supportive, not there to put you down! You've done well to put up with it, not sure I could.

amistupid

Marieboo2 wrote: »

Then he told me I look so awful that I have "run out of my uses" it's depressing.

Remind him of that if he ever tries to get amorous.

You are a victim of domestic abuse and my heart goes out to you.

BarryBlue

I would say well done on your weight loss too. It's a real shame that your husband won't get involved with you in this. It makes it so much easier and more satisfying, and is good for a relationship too.

I decided that I had become a bit too chubby and inactive last winter. I had spent too much time since retiring doing not very much exercise and rather too much good eating. So I had a discussion with my wife and she reckoned she could do with losing some too. At her age she didn't want to transform into that pear shape you see when women over 50 let themselves go to jelly.

Since new year I have lost over 2 stones and she has lost almost as much. This is entirely down to eating less (and healthier) food. We have a weekly food plan, don't snack, and have started cycling again. I also go to the gym twice a week. I feel better than I did 15 years ago.

My advice to the OP is stick with it. When your husband sees how it benefits you he may even decide to join in with you, especially if he fears you might decide he is of no more use to you!;)

Guest101

OP do you want to stay or do you want to end things?

If you want to stay, you need to get him to open up and explain that you arent leaving him for someone else

If you want to leave, there's plenty of good practical advice on that available here.

*max*

Sooo...let's recap.

He puts you down constantly and undermines your efforts to be healthier.
He makes fun of you behind your back, lets his friends make fun of you too.
He tells you you are bad in bed.
He tells you you're not attractive.
He constantly looks at other women, and not even discreetly.
He moans about your personality.


Why - WHY - are you staying with this complete A-hole? He's not a nice husband, he's not even a nice person. He's an idiot who likes to put others down to make himself feel better and avoid looking at his own (many!) shortcomings.

Face it. He's a tw4t.