Husband doesn't find me attractive!

skattykatty

I may have got the wrong end of the stick her but what I understand is - he moaned about you when you were larger and is moaning about you now you are losing weight. So, it's his problem, not yours. You need to do what's best for your health, your evolving relationship with your son and your self-esteem.

He clearly has his own issues around weight and is maybe taking your decision to lose weight as some kind of personal insult to him - in other words - you're showing him up. Added to that, his own lack of self-esteem and fear that you would go off with someone else (cos he doesn't feel that he's attractive) so he's doing his best to undermine you, so you can join his pity party.

Plough your own furrow. He will accept you, join you or continue to insult you.

heartbreak_star

I don't see where, judging by anything you've said, it would be an issue if you divorced.

Frankly, it seems like the easiest way to shed 20st of useless lard...

HBS x

Tlg1991

Marieboo2 wrote: »

He's a good father. Very good. And funny too when things a re going his way.
But otherwise I'm not sure we are very compatible. He likes to be the life and soul, center of attention. I'm much more reserved and shy. This bothers him too. I think we could keep a marriage counsellor in a job for months!

Well if great that hes a great father, but he is also a husband, and from what you say a pretty terrible one. you say you dont want to be in his company just as much as he doesn't want to be in yours.

I really does sound harsh and i dont mean to upset or anything although people like him anger me, but it sounds like you are just delaying the inevitable.

Like you said you have one picture with your son and you don't like it. focus on your son and work and taking hundreds of pics and liking all of them, that is my advice. you and your son are number 1 priority

skattykatty

He likes to be the life and soul, center of attention
And funny too

Makes me think of the 'class clown' - often someone very much lacking in confidence and self-esteem, yearning to be liked.

System

Marieboo2 wrote: »

I shall try to keep this short but looking for opinions on what I can do?

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, about 2 years after getting together and after the birth of our son I began to put on a lot of weight. There's no excuse it was over eating pure and simple. I have to give my husband credit, if he noticed the 4 stone weight gain, he never mentioned it or made me feel bad.

Fast forward to the beginning of this year, I had a photo taken at a family party and couldn't believe how fat I was, so I started a diet. Here's where the problems started.
At every turn he has tried to sabotage it. Organising meals out, takeaways bring home fast food.
However, I have now lost 16 kgs at first he laughed claiming he couldn't notice I was losing anything so I might as well give up. Now he says I looked better before, my body is not the same, if I lose anymore I will look awful.

It's really getting me down, it's hard work losing weight and the constant put downs are driving me mad. If he found me attractive when I was larger and not now what are my options, he'd be happy for me to put the weight back on but I feel better health wise if nothing else.

Any advice is welcome

Thanks

You should kick him out for the night and show him who's boss. I dont like my wife's new haircut but if i said anything bad i would be sleeping in the living room. On the other hand he could be what is known as a feeder which is some strange fetish about making your woman fatter.

PuzzledDave

Could he simply feel pressured by your success ? He is very overweight and getting bigger the same as you have - now suddenly you are getting lighter and he feels resentful as he knows he should too but doesn't want to put the effort in.

indiepanda

First of all, well done on the weight loss - it's great for your health and I am sure your son will appreciate you being able to do more with him as you have more energy. I am especially impressed you've been able to do it through diet alone - I always need exercise to help get the lbs off.

As for your husband, I've read through all the posts and I really can't see why you should want to be with this man. Even if he is feeling threatened by your weight loss - be it because he's worried you'll find someone better or because it underlines how unhealthy he is - that is no good excuse for being so rude to you. He sounds like he criticizes everything you do, not just your appearance. I am all in favour of working at relationships rather than walking away at the first hurdle - but this man seems to have few redeeming features to make it worth the effort.

You mention he is a good father - does he criticize you in front of your son? If so, is that the example of marriage you want your son growing up with - that's ok to put your wife down at every turn?

LilElvis

Not only is your weight loss beneficial for your well-being, it is also setting a good example to your son. If your husband wants to binge on fast food then let him. Concentrate on cooking healthy food for you and your son, do physical activities with him - that's being a good parent. If you slide back into weight gain just to please your husband then think of what the future could hold for your family. In a decade your son will almost certainly be obese too because of poor diet and a poor example being set him. He might be bullied at school because of his size, and that of his parents. He will have missed out on lots of fun activities because none of you will be capable of doing them. He will probably lose his parents at a young age due to the health problems obesity brings, which would also likely be his fate too.

You owe it to yourself to continue the huge strides you have made. You owe it to your son too.

fairy_lights

PuzzledDave wrote: »

Could he simply feel pressured by your success ? He is very overweight and getting bigger the same as you have - now suddenly you are getting lighter and he feels resentful as he knows he should too but doesn't want to put the effort in.

If he'd been a nice supportive husband before she lost weight this might be plausible, but seeing as him and his friends made fun of her when she was heavier too I think he's just suffering from being an incurable a**hole.

trolleyrun

Your husband just sounds like big bully to me. What advice would you give a friend if she was in the same situation?

Well done on the weight loss. If you want to join a gym, then do so. You don't need your husband's permission to better your life. Go out with your son and enjoy every day as much as you can. And most of all:

You deserve to be happy!