Starting Again at Zero

MyRobody

Hi MSR,

I'm in a serious ditch, and I could use the collective wisdom of your experienced minds to help me help myself out of it.

Since my teenage years I've had a long (and only interesting to me and the trees) history of mental illness. Yup, me and everyone else, right?

This is only relevant as it means that, now in my thirties, I don't have any GCSEs, A Levels, a degree, driver's liscence, employment history or references. Essentially, I've had issues with panic attacks, depression and social anxiety, whilst in a small town, with a small, dysfunctional family of little resources, and through, I suppose, an unusually harsh economic downturn.

I've been, in a way, marooned.

Health-wise, I'm booked to see my doctor for the first time in a couple of years, and I imagine I'm going to have to go on medications again, despite previous history of bad side effects.

Behavior-wise, instead of relentless isolation, numbing out and avoidance to cope I'm currently keeping to a daily schedule of waking, being accountable by communicating with other people every day (if only online); trying to help others be accountable; keeping work-like hours of study (informally, with Massively Online Open Courses); making plans and notebooks of employment and education info; exercising; meditating; and trying to be a somewhat regular and dignified adult human being.

I feel pretty bleak about my future, but I'm trying to build a system, and trust it, and can feel my constitution get more robust, fighting for a positive mindset and I'm becoming somewhat more ambitious as time goes by.

But I'm about to go from a long gap (from what was ESA support with AVANTA last year), to the Job Center proper, and I could use some help as I feel, to put it mildly, quite lost.

How does someone like me (I haven't left the house for several weeks), make themselves employable? How do I go about writing a CV and a cover letter when I seem to have little-to-nothing to put on them, for example? How do I account for time? How honest should I be, should I even get to an interview, about my mental health history, etc? Is there concrete steps I might take, useful things I could be doing, obvious paths to follow?

I imagine saying "I managed not to kill myself, despite a b and c" is not what, I believe, employers are after in a prospective employee's achievements and skill set.

I feel humiliated writing this -- but I don't want to live in that humiliation forever, then simply wait for my already terrible circumstances to keep getting worse and worse. I'm trying to live beyond the humiliation and start, I suppose, a life from zero.

It's big problem, and I'm not sure how to break it down from here and meaningful progress, so I'm reaching out.

Any useful help, advice, tips or wise counsel would be a great help to me.

Thanks in advance.

stevemLS

I have little advice to offer but wanted to congratulate you for such a brave post and wish you well.

Is there a local MIND or similar that might have advisers attached to it, or support groups, for people in similar situations?

Alter_ego

Try volunteering to get a bit of experience on your CV

chella

MyRobody wrote: »

Hi MSR,

I'm in a serious ditch, and I could use the collective wisdom of your experienced minds to help me help myself out of it.

Since my teenage years I've had a long (and only interesting to me and the trees) history of mental illness. Yup, me and everyone else, right?

This is only relevant as it means that, now in my thirties, I don't have any GCSEs, A Levels, a degree, driver's liscence, employment history or references. Essentially, I've had issues with panic attacks, depression and social anxiety, whilst in a small town, with a small, dysfunctional family of little resources, and through, I suppose, an unusually harsh economic downturn.

I've been, in a way, marooned.

Health-wise, I'm booked to see my doctor for the first time in a couple of years, and I imagine I'm going to have to go on medications again, despite previous history of bad side effects.

Behavior-wise, instead of relentless isolation, numbing out and avoidance to cope I'm currently keeping to a daily schedule of waking, being accountable by communicating with other people every day (if only online); trying to help others be accountable; keeping work-like hours of study (informally, with Massively Online Open Courses); making plans and notebooks of employment and education info; exercising; meditating; and trying to be a somewhat regular and dignified adult human being.

I feel pretty bleak about my future, but I'm trying to build a system, and trust it, and can feel my constitution get more robust, fighting for a positive mindset and I'm becoming somewhat more ambitious as time goes by.

But I'm about to go from a long gap (from what was ESA support with AVANTA last year), to the Job Center proper, and I could use some help as I feel, to put it mildly, quite lost.

How does someone like me (I haven't left the house for several weeks), make themselves employable? How do I go about writing a CV and a cover letter when I seem to have little-to-nothing to put on them, for example? How do I account for time? How honest should I be, should I even get to an interview, about my mental health history, etc? Is there concrete steps I might take, useful things I could be doing, obvious paths to follow?

I imagine saying "I managed not to kill myself, despite a b and c" is not what, I believe, employers are after in a prospective employee's achievements and skill set.

I feel humiliated writing this -- but I don't want to live in that humiliation forever, then simply wait for my already terrible circumstances to keep getting worse and worse. I'm trying to live beyond the humiliation and start, I suppose, a life from zero.

It's big problem, and I'm not sure how to break it down from here and meaningful progress, so I'm reaching out.

Any useful help, advice, tips or wise counsel would be a great help to me.

Thanks in advance.

Welcome to the forum.


Do you live alone or with family? what support, if any do you have from them?

When_the_going_gets_tough

I agree with volunteering. I think you need to find local organisations that will support people with mental health difficulties into volunteering and employment. Also consider doing some courses - some can be free - also I imagine that face to face courses might help you in other ways - social skills etc. There is a world out there and it will be possible for you to rejoin it - just take any help you can find to help you on your way. NB Google is your friend for finding all sorts of local resources. Good luck

Fluffyblueberry

Hi,

well done for making the first step here!

Have you checked out courses at your local college? Often they will have plenty of adult courses and normally they're free if you're unemployed. You could look at starting a course, while also looking for some volunteer work. You could volunteer with a charity such as mind or other mental health charity where your personal experience would actually be an advantage. You may find after volunteering for a while, you may feel confident applying for a paid position.

I haven't worked for around a decade, being a stay at home mum and have found volunteering beneficial and a good way back into work. I'm also planning on studying again. With volunteering you can gain experience without the same stress that a job brings and it gives you time to work on your CV. I don't have a CV yet myself and I've put that bit off so far! With the sort of jobs I'd be looking for, they're normally application form anyway!

:T

pinpin

I'll be interested in the replies you receive.
I'm not in a completely dissimilar situation myself, really.
no driving licence - failed about 8 times and ran out of money and confidence.
I've struggled with extreme anxiety and depression too.
Anxiety to the point that I found it too hard to actually see the Dr. to talk about it!

Only difference is that I do have *some* work experience (held a few dead-end jobs for a number of years) and do have some very average GCSE's.
However, I lost my last job some time ago.
Lots of my friends are now making extremely good money, and i'm struggling to get the confidence to apply for a job washing dishes.
I actually received a rejection letter from a similar such job today.
I'm also battling a touch of cancer and i'm a little younger than you.

This has probably made me more depressed, but at the same time it's kind of inspired me to try to do *something* with my life. Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea what that thing is (i've never had a clue in terms of a 'career') but I at least want to get back out there and find a job so that I can feel somewhat 'normal'.

You certainly write well for someone without GCSE's.
I hope you get some good ideas.

Flyonthewall

First of all, stay positive. You have options and you can get the life you want.

Volunteering and courses at your local college, as others have suggested, is a great way to get started and it'll get you out the house.

Going out will be hard if you're used to be in all the time. Go for a walk each day. It'll help clear your head, exercise can help with anxiety and it gets you out the house. You don't have to walk far, but just walk somewhere. You can gradually build up to walking further.

Medication isn't the only option. CBT may help. The above is a start to that. Also, volunteering and just creating goals and working towards them basically.

Maybe try Bach products. They're natural products designed to help with stress and anxiety.

You can also try other things. Cut down on sugar, caffeine and alcohol, make sure you get enough sleep and lavander can help you relax too. Little things can make a big difference.

When writing your CV don't think about your past and the issues you've had, but think about what you can offer the employer. What are you good at? What situation have you used a specific skill in? Doesn't have to be work related.

When you get an interview try not to be negative. You don't need to go into all the details. You need to let them know it's not going to be an issue and that you're working on improving your life and will be focused on the job and able to do it.

brokennotbent

Following, as you'll understand if you look at my post on here.

Candyapple

Have you thought about going back to college to gain your GSCEs?

If you haven't left your house in weeks, do you suffer from agoraphobia?

I would have normally suggested possibly volunteering, but I don't think it would be a good fit for you.

Have you looked into jobs that you can do working from home?

If you are going to the Jobcentre, ask them to put you in touch with the Disability Employment Advisor: https://www.gov.uk/looking-for-work-if-disabled/looking-for-a-job

They will hopefully refer you to the Shaw Trust who would be able to help:
http://www.shaw-trust.org.uk/individuals/who-we're-here-to-help/

nyc_451

Whatever jobs you will be applying for, you'll get rejected a lot which might be discouraging and affect your confidence. Do you have anyone to support you during this time? I think it is very important.

I would try to get a part time job first, maybe 16h/week, instead of throwing yourself into full five days. You will get overtime if you prove yourself anyway. Are places like sainsburys very fussy? I am often getting served by old ladies who are extremely slow and don't look physically strong either...

Just start looking at the ads in local newspapers and try your luck. Even simple jobs like housekeeping is good - you'll meet a nice family, do a few hours of work for cash, they might reccomend you to their friends, also you can get a good reference this way. Before I started working in a company, I used to clean houses and that was a brilliant experience!

ALSO, make sure you look good to yourself, maybe get some new clothes and visit a hairdresser. I often see guys with long nails or not shaved - not attractive at all...

If you're feeling down, I am sure people on this forum will keep your spirits up. It is very difficult to achieve anything on your own.

These were my random thoughts. Good luck.