Starting Again at Zero

MyRobody

stevemLS wrote: »

I have little advice to offer but wanted to congratulate you for such a brave post and wish you well.

Is there a local MIND or similar that might have advisers attached to it, or support groups, for people in similar situations?

I don't live in a bustling metropolis (quite the opposite really) so there's not as much as support that's probably warrented for myself, or more importantly, the broader community. For example, I listen to a mental health podcast recorded from LA, Cali, and safe to say the support there is very different.

I'd like to believe things are getting better, but my ability to forcast the future and not see a biblical apocolypse scenerio is a teensy bit skewed a lot of the time, so it's hard to judge.

I appreciate the other comment. MSE is a great community of people, I've been meaning to reach out here for a long time. So, thanks for being my first welcome.

Alter_ego wrote: »

Try volunteering to get a bit of experience on your CV

I don't know why this didn't occur to me, or was raised much in the Avanta sessions, but it seems like it may be my few stepping stones avaliable to someone in my position.

Thanks for commenting.

chella wrote: »

Welcome to the forum.


Do you live alone or with family? what support, if any do you have from them?

Thanks for the welcome.

I live with a parent, but it's not a relationship I can rely on, especially to build plans upon. Which has been a source of deep frustration in itself. When you're constantly casting out for solutions, and find so little room make forward momentum, nevermind make substantial progress, it's hard sometimes not to be beaten down by how little choice you have and fragile your life can feel at the bottom of the ladder.

Safe to say, I love my family, and am in deep gratitude for all the good things I've recieved. But the more I can build my health, resources and life outside of my parent, the better. I feel like I can't really rely on anyone else at this point. I'm trying to be a 'parent to myself', to use the slightly annoying therapy-speak.

In time, I hope perhaps I can help them from a position better than the one I am in, and so be a better son, than I had a parent. Whew, that's not an easy sentence to type.

MyRobody

When_the_going_gets_tough wrote: »

I agree with volunteering. I think you need to find local organisations that will support people with mental health difficulties into volunteering and employment. Also consider doing some courses - some can be free - also I imagine that face to face courses might help you in other ways - social skills etc. There is a world out there and it will be possible for you to rejoin it - just take any help you can find to help you on your way. NB Google is your friend for finding all sorts of local resources. Good luck

I appreciate the comment, When the going gets tough, thanks.

It seems like their's a kind of consensus appearing about the volunteering.

I like what you say about there being a world out there, and about possibilty. I'm trying my hardest to believe that, right now. It's not easy, but I feel like I've almost exhausted my own capacity to travel in the other direction. Comments like this help.

It does very much feel like that, trying to be part of the world again.

Fluffyblueberry wrote: »

Hi,

well done for making the first step here!

Have you checked out courses at your local college? Often they will have plenty of adult courses and normally they're free if you're unemployed. You could look at starting a course, while also looking for some volunteer work. You could volunteer with a charity such as mind or other mental health charity where your personal experience would actually be an advantage. You may find after volunteering for a while, you may feel confident applying for a paid position.

I haven't worked for around a decade, being a stay at home mum and have found volunteering beneficial and a good way back into work. I'm also planning on studying again. With volunteering you can gain experience without the same stress that a job brings and it gives you time to work on your CV. I don't have a CV yet myself and I've put that bit off so far! With the sort of jobs I'd be looking for, they're normally application form anyway!

:T

It's cheering to hear positive experience of volunteering. That's positive to hear. All the while being a mum, I think that means I have to drop my first :T smiley. There we go.

Trying to get into education is something I've been brooding on for a while, but it's difficult lining up all my ducks in a row. I have trying to maintain a steady diet of online courses, with perhaps my sights on an Access to Higher Education Diploma, or even an Open University degree. But with my health, family and employment situation so uncertain it's been difficult to even map out taking a leap.

Along with driving lessons, I feel like somehow getting a qualification is probably the strongest mid-term goal. I can admit here that I have vivid nightmares about being trapped on a minimum wage job, with no room to better myself, or study part time even. Just skipping along the bottom before I'm lost forever.

Also, I try not to read the papers and articles saying people without degrees, wealthy families and living in cities, etc are going to keep being pressured out of the labour market, as automation and globilisation increases. It may be the case that people like me may not have a choice.

Aw geez, anyway, how can I keep typing about such things to person named Fluffyblueberry?

Thanks for the comment, Fluffy!

pinpin wrote: »

I'll be interested in the replies you receive.
I'm not in a completely dissimilar situation myself, really.
no driving licence - failed about 8 times and ran out of money and confidence.
I've struggled with extreme anxiety and depression too.
Anxiety to the point that I found it too hard to actually see the Dr. to talk about it!

Only difference is that I do have *some* work experience (held a few dead-end jobs for a number of years) and do have some very average GCSE's.
However, I lost my last job some time ago.
Lots of my friends are now making extremely good money, and i'm struggling to get the confidence to apply for a job washing dishes.
I actually received a rejection letter from a similar such job today.
I'm also battling a touch of cancer and i'm a little younger than you.

This has probably made me more depressed, but at the same time it's kind of inspired me to try to do *something* with my life. Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea what that thing is (i've never had a clue in terms of a 'career') but I at least want to get back out there and find a job so that I can feel somewhat 'normal'.

You certainly write well for someone without GCSE's.
I hope you get some good ideas.

I appreciate your comment, thank you.

There's nothing quite so ridiculous as the ridiculousness of feeling ridiculous about seing your doctor, is there?

I did leave school early, without the opportunity to get my GCSEs, due to the health issues. I found in my early twenties I tried to give myself a university degree, of sorts, by doing a lot of reading and writing. It was imortant part of my life, but it's hard to translate into a exam results and certificates and signifiers for others.

I can relate to your experience of not knowing what to do; I wanted to be something particular, until I didn't. And now my back up option, journalism, seems to be dying on it's feet. The idea that I could be anything at all with my awful circumstances and the potentialy awful employment situation for millions, I try not to think too much about, or it can simply topple down on top of me.

It's not a good way to live, I think; the idea of a purpose. So few of us get to live it, even if we find it early, and strike out for it like an arrow from a bow.

I'm trying to nurture the idea of adaptability, shamelessness, moxie, grit, resilience and kindness, and see where that takes me.

MyRobody

Flyonthewall wrote: »

First of all, stay positive. You have options and you can get the life you want.

Volunteering and courses at your local college, as others have suggested, is a great way to get started and it'll get you out the house.

Going out will be hard if you're used to be in all the time. Go for a walk each day. It'll help clear your head, exercise can help with anxiety and it gets you out the house. You don't have to walk far, but just walk somewhere. You can gradually build up to walking further.

Medication isn't the only option. CBT may help. The above is a start to that. Also, volunteering and just creating goals and working towards them basically.

Maybe try Bach products. They're natural products designed to help with stress and anxiety.

You can also try other things. Cut down on sugar, caffeine and alcohol, make sure you get enough sleep and lavander can help you relax too. Little things can make a big difference.

When writing your CV don't think about your past and the issues you've had, but think about what you can offer the employer. What are you good at? What situation have you used a specific skill in? Doesn't have to be work related.

When you get an interview try not to be negative. You don't need to go into all the details. You need to let them know it's not going to be an issue and that you're working on improving your life and will be focused on the job and able to do it.

I like the idea of walking every day. It's such a simple thing. I can sense in myself it's an idea I've long avoided, which is a signal I'm learning to detect, and try to turn into.

I'll try to add that to my daily habits and to-do lists to record and tick off.

Also, thank you for the insight regarding interviewing. Reading around, it really seems not the common experience that people are bringing up their mental health issues. Trying to come up with a 'spin' or story for myself has been and is going to be one of my biggest challances in the coming weeks and months, I think.

Time to try and break it into smaller problems to research and solve, somehow.

Thanks for the helpful comment, Flyonthewall, I appreciate it.

brokennotbent wrote: »

Following, as you'll understand if you look at my post on here.

I appreciat ethat, brokennotbent. I think there's lot of people outside of the 'slipstream', as I call it.

Best of health.

Candyapple wrote: »

Have you thought about going back to college to gain your GSCEs?

If you haven't left your house in weeks, do you suffer from agoraphobia?

I would have normally suggested possibly volunteering, but I don't think it would be a good fit for you.

Have you looked into jobs that you can do working from home?

If you are going to the Jobcentre, ask them to put you in touch with the Disability Employment Advisor:

They will hopefully refer you to the Shaw Trust who would be able to help

Agoraphobia: I don't know. I don't want to take that term from people who it might mean a lot to. It's a challange sometimes, to understand yourself, and find the whys.

Also,these are two links I haven't seen before.

I'm going to try and see my Job Center advisor-person, tomorrow. It's not going to be easy, and as nice as she is on the phone, I don't have a lot of faith in them. It seems the JC have a pretty radioactive reputation right now, and I can barely bring myself to read of people's experiences.

However, I'm resolved to going (I wanted to 'type it out loud here' to bind myself to it) and will be reading up on your links again, and around the forum, tomorrow in the aftermath.

Thanks again, Flyonthewall.


And to everyone who responded, with a welcome or anything else. The MSE forums really seems to have bloomed into some wonderful over the years and, hopefully, I can stop being an occasional tourist and keep posting here. Perhaps, in time, I'll even contribute a lil' something back, if I am able.

Excelsior.

MyRobody

blue_mango wrote: »

Whatever jobs you will be applying for, you'll get rejected a lot which might be discouraging and affect your confidence. Do you have anyone to support you during this time? I think it is very important.

I would try to get a part time job first, maybe 16h/week, instead of throwing yourself into full five days. You will get overtime if you prove yourself anyway. Are places like sainsburys very fussy? I am often getting served by old ladies who are extremely slow and don't look physically strong either...

Just start looking at the ads in local newspapers and try your luck. Even simple jobs like housekeeping is good - you'll meet a nice family, do a few hours of work for cash, they might reccomend you to their friends, also you can get a good reference this way. Before I started working in a company, I used to clean houses and that was a brilliant experience!

ALSO, make sure you look good to yourself, maybe get some new clothes and visit a hairdresser. I often see guys with long nails or not shaved - not attractive at all...

If you're feeling down, I am sure people on this forum will keep your spirits up. It is very difficult to achieve anything on your own.

These were my random thoughts. Good luck.

Random, but gratefully recieved, blue_mango.

I especially like your comment about achieving anything on your own. That gets to the nub of it, doesn't it?

One of the worst things about mental health--at least for me--is the self-isolation. Reaching out more to people (online at first, soon hopefully more in person) has been an essential ingredient in trying to 'be part of the world' again.

People like you, and the others in thread, have made it easier. Thanks again.

DCFC79

As at the job centre with help with your cover letters and a CV.

ACG

Im not sure I would mention mental health issues. Its like a flashing red light.
As an employer I would hate to see someone lie but I think you would be best saying you were a carer for a relative or something maybe.

Do you have any skills? Have you tried PPH for instance? You could become self employed doing admin or something of interest to you.

Another thing, you say you are keeping a routine. That routine does not involve leaving the house? I think you would be wise to alter your routine and involve leaving the house.

When I worked for myself at the beginning I was very quiet and getting in to a bit of a rut. I joined the gym and went in the morning. I came out feeling full of energy and ready for the day. Have you thought about maybe going for a jog around the block? It gets the endorphines going and all the rest of it.

Flyonthewall

MyRobody wrote: »

I like the idea of walking every day. It's such a simple thing. I can sense in myself it's an idea I've long avoided, which is a signal I'm learning to detect, and try to turn into.

I'll try to add that to my daily habits and to-do lists to record and tick off.

Also, thank you for the insight regarding interviewing. Reading around, it really seems not the common experience that people are bringing up their mental health issues. Trying to come up with a 'spin' or story for myself has been and is going to be one of my biggest challances in the coming weeks and months, I think.

Time to try and break it into smaller problems to research and solve, somehow.

Thanks for the helpful comment, Flyonthewall, I appreciate it.

It really is. You could listen to music as you walk if it helps. Might motivate you a bit and music can make you feel calmer and take your mind off things.

I think it's best to be honest in interviews. I wouldn't say you need a story as such. Some may disagree, but personally I just think it's best they have some idea and if you were to lie it could come back and get you later on.

Just a case of telling them the facts, keeping it brief and ending it on a positive note so that's what sticks in their mind. You're not alone in suffering from mental health problems, but it's how you're handling it that employers need to know.

Plus just for yourself it's best not to overthink the past and negative stuff.

If you come across as positive that's what they'll take from the interview.

No problem Good luck.

DCFC79 wrote: »

As at the job centre with help with your cover letters and a CV.

Job centre never asked to look at mine and certainly never gave any help with them . There were "courses" on things like that, but it's basically sitting there with a book in front of you from what I've heard.

Far as that goes, everyone has different opinions on what's best. So long as you double check your spelling, it all makes sense and you keep it positive and state what you can do you're pretty much fine. You can look at CV templates and example cover letters online. If possible get a family member or friend to check it over (or even a teacher if you do a college course).

brokennotbent

Then I'm one "big" flashing red light, which proves my point about being dismissed at interview for reasons other than, "someone either more experience got the job" etc. sorry to gatecrash x

Flyonthewall

ACG wrote: »

Im not sure I would mention mental health issues. Its like a flashing red light.
As an employer I would hate to see someone lie but I think you would be best saying you were a carer for a relative or something maybe.

Only if you make it seem like it should be. Nothing wrong with admitting you've had/got mental health problems. You're no more likely to be off work than anyone else. In fact, if you've fought to get out of that ditch and improve your life then you're less likely to be because you keep going to avoid ever being in that place again.

Plus just having a job (hopefully one you enjoy), the money and a routine all helps with mental health as you feel more positive.

Saying you were a carer can lead to many awkward questions. What was wrong with them? Why are you no longer a carer? What did you do for them? They could ask so many different questions and from then on you'd have to remember what you claimed to do and be careful not to mention that person.

ACG

Flyonthewall wrote: »

(1)Nothing wrong with admitting you've had/got mental health problems.


(2) You're no more likely to be off work than anyone else. In fact, if you've fought to get out of that ditch and improve your life then you're less likely to be because you keep going to avoid ever being in that place again.

(1) - Totally agree, its best to get it out there so you can try to resolve it or improve it. But I am not so sure a job interview is the place to do it.

(2) You might want to double check that. As a sweeping generalisation you are actually more likely to be off work with the same thing than someone who does not have a history of mental illness. There are exceptions, for instance if a family member has passed away or you were in a particularly bad position/job etc. That can be resolved with a change or time.

Just as an example, my gf had 2 weeks off with anxiety at xmas as she was in a job that had her working odd shifts, 12 hour days with no set pattern. She also had me on her case to leave the job as its no way to live and in the end it all got on top of her (I accept partly my fault). End result, 2 weeks off work and she left and has been fine ever since. Shes happier now as she has a normal 9-5 job during the week, im happier as I know when I will see my gf and we can plan things.

If I had to put money on it, I would say she will never have anxiety again but if I try to get her income protection insurance (which I have as we have a mortgage) there will be a mental health exclusion on there for her as the insurers know she is more likely to be off and claim for that than I am...

If someone told me they had a history of mental health, I would be a little phased. It would not be a deal breaker and the person attitude and everything else would be quite important. But I know not everyone employer would see it that way.