Starting Again at Zero

MyRobody

Thanks for continuing the conversation, I'm learning things post by post. I'll never underesitmate the power of incidental knowledge from those who are experienced.

Anyway, there seems to be a real cost-benifit situation I'm going to have confront and roll the dice on with interviews. Fortunately, I would expect any interview is some weeks away, at best, so I have time to prepare (and desperately gnaw inanimate objects).

I had been drawing up the idea of perhaps side-stepping mental health and saying I had 'an accident', as a teen, and so got knocked of education and work, then trying, somehow to formulate a story that concentrated on strengths, or fighting to get fit. Perhaps volunteering could be part of that, in a way. I don't know if that's feasible, but it's my square one, right now.

Trying to find tales of people's experiences interviewing is surprisingly hard to cast around for.

One of the things I try not to think about is the fact we're in an age were everything now is recorded, digitized, on the (face)books. Including the absense of those; of falling out of the slipstream. The creative part of me wants to say: Is there a way to turn that into a strength? A tale of redemption and moxie, a chance to begin again?

I don't know, untill then I appreciate the insights and having an internet to plunder for hope, tools, community and inspiration.

MyRobody

chella wrote: »

OP have you always lived at home with your parent? How have you managed financially up to now?


Do you feel your parent has enabled you to live as you have been therefor hindering you also?


I am just curious as I know someone in a very similar situation to you.


Hope you have had a positive day today.

Yeah, at home. Small town, family, resources, etc. As I say, quite marooned.

And, parent-child dynamics can be complex, I don't feel great about delving into that stuff, right now, to be fair to the party who isn't here. Families are blood, but not neccesarily the bestest people to share your life with, is the obvious cliche to lazily drop about here.

Like I mentioned, I prefer to concentrate on the concept of parenting myself. I think that's a simple, but surprisingly powerful idea, and ties into a lot of good things; self-responsibility, grit, determination, resilience, adaptability, self-authorship.

Hopefully, if I'm the best version of myself, than I can more than the sum of the imperfections I inhereted. If that makes sense. I simply don't forsee anything good for either us, any other way.

Then goes about the project of actually connecting with people again, I might dare to hope. Finding a family chosen, shared or forged, rather than cobbled together and toppling out of the oven like an accidental souffle.

One Olympic-level life challange at a time, though.

elsien

Did you get any maths or English qualifications of any sort?
If not, you might want to look to see if there's any skills for life type funding in your area which will give you functional qualifications to wave at employers. You may well find it ridiculously easy, given your written English is fine, but it's a piece of paper to wave at potential employers, and a starting point.

https://www.gov.uk/improve-english-maths-it-skills

chella

MyRobody wrote: »

Thanks for continuing the conversation, I'm learning things post by post. I'll never underesitmate the power of incidental knowledge from those who are experienced.

Anyway, there seems to be a real cost-benifit situation I'm going to have confront and roll the dice on with interviews. Fortunately, I would expect any interview is some weeks away, at best, so I have time to prepare (and desperately gnaw inanimate objects).

I had been drawing up the idea of perhaps side-stepping mental health and saying I had 'an accident', as a teen, and so got knocked of education and work, then trying, somehow to formulate a story that concentrated on strengths, or fighting to get fit. Perhaps volunteering could be part of that, in a way. I don't know if that's feasible, but it's my square one, right now.

Trying to find tales of people's experiences interviewing is surprisingly hard to cast around for.

One of the things I try not to think about is the fact we're in an age were everything now is recorded, digitized, on the (face)books. Including the absense of those; of falling out of the slipstream. The creative part of me wants to say: Is there a way to turn that into a strength? A tale of redemption and moxie, a chance to begin again?

I don't know, untill then I appreciate the insights and having an internet to plunder for hope, tools, community and inspiration.

OP I know it mst be daunting for you but try not to tell too many lies about why you haven't worked. You will be nervous enough as it is without trying to remember what you said.


Perhaps you living with your parent meant you have essentially been her carer all these years? or perhaps you cared for a younger sibling? I don't know but try not to go down the accident route.


Definatly look at volunteering when you feel able to. It will show prospective employers you are reliable, able to get out of bed at a respectable hour(a lot of people I help haven't ever had to follow schedules or timekeeping and find this extremely difficult)


Local adult education centres offer assertiveness courses and the like, might be worth looking into when you feel ready.

Flyonthewall

MyRobody wrote: »

I had been drawing up the idea of perhaps side-stepping mental health and saying I had 'an accident', as a teen, and so got knocked of education and work, then trying, somehow to formulate a story that concentrated on strengths, or fighting to get fit. Perhaps volunteering could be part of that, in a way. I don't know if that's feasible, but it's my square one, right now.

Think about it this way; if you got the job would telling a lie make you anxious and stressed that they'll find out? If you lost the job because of lack of trust due to the lie where would you end up? Would it make it really depressed?

You ARE fighting, it does take strength to overcome mental health. You don't need to make up a story - you have one.

If you went with an accident you have to consider how that would affect you long term, how it felt, the impact etc. You'd have to research and you'd have to come across as reliving what you went through, not something you'd written, practiced and can reel off when asked.

With any lie, you'd have that on top of any nerves and worries about the interview or starting a new job. Plus you've got to think about your other answers in the interview and research the company and remember everything about that.

No, some people don't fully understand mental health issues and yes, for some they may think twice about employing you. However, there are those who are understanding and willing to give you a chance.

At the end of the day it is going to have a massive impact on you. Not them. You.

Don't worry so much about how others might see you.

I had an interview for a volunteer job and the interviewer asked about health. I wasn't sure how much detail to go into, but admitted to anxiety. It was really just a general question on a form, just so they knew. I expected maybe a question or two on it, but the interviewer was genuinely interested in knowing more and they were understanding. We had a bit of a talk about it and whilst volunteering there if I said about feeling a little anxious over anything they'd smile and be reassuring. It was nice to be able to admit how I felt and I'd no doubt have felt more anxious trying to hide it. If I'd lied, whether saying no or making something up, it would have been very awkward and I'd have felt more anxious.

I know not everyone is so understanding and not everyone will ask more or be interested in talking more about it, but some people may just surprise you and you'll probably feel better telling the truth either way.

One of the things I try not to think about is the fact we're in an age were everything now is recorded, digitized, on the (face)books. Including the absense of those; of falling out of the slipstream. The creative part of me wants to say: Is there a way to turn that into a strength? A tale of redemption and moxie, a chance to begin again?

I have all social media hidden and the rest is under usernames employers wouldn't know about. Nothing to hide, but people can judge on stupid things. "Oh, you like dogs, I prefer cats. I'll interview this person instead." They shouldn't, but some do and it could be something very small and unimportant.

You could have a profile that shows you're volunteering and going to college, or whatever other positives you're doing. It may help. However, they'll probably realise that it's one you've set up purely for that if it's all positives and pretty much a social version of your CV.

What sort of job do you want to do? (Sorry if you've said previously) There may be other things you can do.

nyc_451

Based on my own experience, I don't think anyone's life should be an open book. It's hard to get what you want by simply being sincere and honest

Don't forget that people are very judgmental.

Flyonthewall

blue_mango wrote: »

Based on my own experience, I don't think anyone's life should be an open book. It's hard to get what you want by simply being sincere and honest

OP doesn't have to give every detail, they can (and should) keep it brief.

Personally, I'd rather be honest and fight to get where I want and know I deserve it and feel happy when I get it rather than lie, wish I hadn't and feel anxious about trying to keep up the lies and people possibly finding out.

Life is hard enough and as far as I'm concerned lying just makes it harder.

Don't forget that people are very judgmental.

Yeah, but they'll judge you on your lies as much as they would your honesty so may as well just be yourself and be honest. You'll feel better and it'll make your life easier.

I think it's quite sad that people feel the need to lie about so much and worry so much about being judged for who they are. Everyone is different, nothing wrong with that.

nyc_451

Fyonthewall - different lives, different experiences, different conclusions.

Flyonthewall

blue_mango wrote: »

Fyonthewall - different lives, different experiences, different conclusions.

Indeed. Everyone has a choice though.

Still, OP is starting again at zero so makes sense for them to start as they mean to go on. If they want to start with a lie that's up to them, but there's no need for them to.

pinpin

I've probably got a distorted view of this due to the fact that my dad went from being an unemployed 'chef' recently out of prison to a top computer programmer and business analyst for one of the worlds biggest oil companies earning over £500 per day (bearing mind this was in the 80's/90's so would be more like a grand a day now), and it was all off of the back of some WHOPPING great lies.

Would probably make an interesting thread one day