Are you dating an emotional manipulator?

rover2000

I think I'm married to one too.
He's always starting arguments. He critises me for all sorts of petty things.
I need 8 hours sleep, but he tells me that I'm sleeping too much.
He wouldn't dare treat his friends the way he treats me. He wouldn't have any left!!!
Yet I can't afford to leave.
He won't go to couples counselling either.

PeacefulWaters

A mix up over who's sorting out the currency for a trip next week. No extra cost incurred.

"Is there anything else you've got wrong for this trip?"

I honestly don't know, until it goes wrong. But it's not exactly an expression of appreciation for the hours of planning I've put in!

Low level again.

Guest101

rover2000 wrote: »

I think I'm married to one too.
He's always starting arguments. He critises me for all sorts of petty things.
I need 8 hours sleep, but he tells me that I'm sleeping too much.
He wouldn't dare treat his friends the way he treats me. He wouldn't have any left!!!
Yet I can't afford to leave.
He won't go to couples counselling either.

Suppose it depends, if you're not leaving him to deal with housework/chores/whatever so you can sleep, then clearly he's wrong.

When you say cant afford to leave? what's the situation? Kids? Do you work? Assets?

calleyw

PW,

You know this is never going to stop the nit picking.

Please think of yourself.

This is abuse not matter how you look at it. A woman would be told to leave straight away. It does not make anyone less of a man or woman to suffer abuse like this. I wonder if from the male perspective its embarrassing to admit what your partner does it. As a man you are suppose to be macho and should deal with this type of thing.

What a load of carp. You have thoughts and feelings. And they are taking a pounding every single day.

If she was beating the hell out of you everyday would you stay no. This is no different only its emotional and psychological. So there are no bruises. So people tend to ignore it. And think its not real. It is just as damaging, as bruises fade but the damage done to your confidence is a lot longer lasting.


PW I plead with you as one human to another. Please make the first move. If you were my friend I would have you packed and moved in to my spare bedroom ASAP.

Please you deserve so much more out of life.

Yours

Calley

PeacefulWaters

calleyw wrote: »

PW,

You know this is never going to stop the nit picking.

Please think of yourself.

This is abuse not matter how you look at it. A woman would be told to leave straight away. It does not make anyone less of a man or woman to suffer abuse like this. I wonder if from the male perspective its embarrassing to admit what your partner does it. As a man you are suppose to be macho and should deal with this type of thing.

What a load of carp. You have thoughts and feelings. And they are taking a pounding every single day.

If she was beating the hell out of you everyday would you stay no. This is no different only its emotional and psychological. So there are no bruises. So people tend to ignore it. And think its not real. It is just as damaging, as bruises fade but the damage done to your confidence is a lot longer lasting.


PW I plead with you as one human to another. Please make the first move. If you were my friend I would have you packed and moved in to my spare bedroom ASAP.

Please you deserve so much more out of life.

Yours

Calley

Thanks. You sound lovely.

I'm getting there. It's actually become a faster process than I thought it would be.

Online research. Other people's thoughts. Considering knock on impacts. Pondering "get past" dates like holiday, birthday, Christmas etc. Excuses.

Testing some theory from the online reading. I suppose that's manipulative on my part, but the reactions I've got scream "narcissist" and that becomes compelling.

I walked today and cried. But I cried for me and the waste of my life. Not for the impact I'll have on others when I do what I have to do.

Biggest decision of my life. Very close to making it.

calleyw

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Thanks. You sound lovely.

I'm getting there. It's actually become a faster process than I thought it would be.

Online research. Other people's thoughts. Considering knock on impacts. Pondering "get past" dates like holiday, birthday, Christmas etc. Excuses.

Testing some theory from the online reading. I suppose that's manipulative on my part, but the reactions I've got scream "narcissist" and that becomes compelling.

I walked today and cried. But I cried for me and the waste of my life. Not for the impact I'll have on others when I do what I have to do.

Biggest decision of my life. Very close to making it.

Thank you are so kind to say that.

But I can't bear to think of you going through this everyday. I live with the guilt of not helping two female friends when they being abused by partners.

You need to take the emotion out of the decision. How will you feel when you wake every morning not dreading seeing her. Listen to her nag and moan about everything.

You have so much to give to the right person. And for them to give to you. Please don't waste your life on what if's. You know no matter what you do, things will never change.

I do hope that you find the strength you need to get you through this.

Yours

Calley

PeacefulWaters

calleyw wrote: »

I live with the guilt of not helping two female friends when they being abused by partners.

Don't. They had to reach their own decisions. Not always straight forwards for them.

calleyw

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Don't. They had to reach their own decisions. Not always straight forwards for them.

I know but still does not stop me thinking about it sometimes.

I know we all make choices but still niggles me.

Yours

Calley

System

calleyw wrote: »

I know but still does not stop me thinking about it sometimes.

I know we all make choices but still niggles me.

Yours

Calley

The best thing you can do, is be there for them. Honestly nothing my friends would have said would have given me the courage to leave. It needed to end on its own terms for me to face up to things for myself. But knowing my friends ere there for me when i needed them made it a lot easier to cope with in the longterm. Please don't feel guilty x

VestanPance

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

I've lost some weight recently. Quite pleased with myself.

Returned home from WeightWatchers meeting and didn't say anything. Wasn't asked anything so kept quiet.

She finds out from a Facebook post.

"I'm always the last to know" she complains.

Low level. But x 20+ years it doesn't half wear you down.

You're the one completely in the wrong here. You're setting up traps for her to fall into, saying nothing in an attempt that it'll somehow trigger her to throw you a compliment. That's pathetic. You kept quiet to see what would happen. You provoked the comment that you say wears you down. It's drama of your own making.

See also your following currency comment. You messed up something as simple as currency for the trip. In anyone sensible that's going to provoke thoughts of has anything else been screwed up. Let's face facts travelling is not difficult or a strenuous task to plan and book.

You just sound like someone who won't take responsibility for your own failures and have found a convenient outlet in your partner to blame for everything.