Are you dating an emotional manipulator?

166million

I worry that when I do things and am competent around the home I am suffocating or emasculating him in some psychic way.

calleyw

166million wrote: »

I worry that when I do things and am competent around the home I am suffocating or emasculating him in some psychic way.

Everyone has those traits in them but it all depends on to what level.

I have could not manipulate as I have no idea how to do it. I am fairly easy going and don't want to make anyone feel bad including myself.

I for one would never dream of doing this and I know about a couple of people who have been though this. Who have handed over all there wages to there partner and seeing none of it for themselves, and had been made to take out loans for there partners. That to me is financial abuse.

My ex-husband was on higher rate DLA so he could have traded that in for a new car that I would have driven. Never occurred to me to make him do that.

Some people are just selfish and will do anything to get what they want no matter how they hurt or use other people.

Yours

Calley

Tlg1991

My ex i was with for 7 years or so looking back was a nightmare but i stayed with her as i got with her when i was 13 in school and just because habit i suppose, young stupid love.

She would argue with me and give me dirty looks if i was looking at another women on tv or out and about. not even in a pervy way i literally mean if she was jealous of them for whatever reason she just wanted me to act like they didn't exist. so if something came on TV she would expect me to look away. she didn't want me to say any girls names or anything even family. the list goes on and it was mostly all jealousy based stuff. but it seriously knocked me down looking back now.

I have never really told anybody in huge detail what she did and to what extent mainly through embarrassment that I sat there and took it for so long and wasted my teenage and early adult years with such a person. but i was young it was my first "proper" relationship an i didn't know any better. in the end she ended up playing away so to speak and to be fair after the initial shock it was a massive weight of my shoulders, a huge relief. i wouldn't wish anyone to go through such a relationship.

Domayne

I can be emotionally manipulative. I don't know why I'm this way though, perhaps as someone suggested earlier in the thread it's down to be spoilt when young and never being told 'no'. Even now my mum does everything for me...and I'm 30.
I've been seeing this guy...we're not in a relationship, but a fwb situation for 11 years now. He's really REALLY laid back and I'm highly strung/hot head and he just annoys me. Everything he does annoys me. The way he eats, the way he laughs....sometimes he just sits there and he will randomly go 'YEAHHHH' and start laughing and I have no idea what's wrong with him....so I go off on one and he's so calm which makes me even more angry....
The things I say to him are so horrible, if someone said these things to me I would knock them out. ...but he just says 'ah but woman, what's wrong with you?' and takes it....
I leave him every few months but he never gives up, like now I haven't called/text him since may 22nd....and he's called me EVERY single day and text me...why don't I talk to him....
I will eventually, because I do love him in my own f'ed up way....but I just wish he would get angry/fight back/tell me about myself....but he's too nice. And its boring.

Guest101

Domayne wrote: »

I can be emotionally manipulative. I don't know why I'm this way though, perhaps as someone suggested earlier in the thread it's down to be spoilt when young and never being told 'no'. Even now my mum does everything for me...and I'm 30.
I've been seeing this guy...we're not in a relationship, but a fwb situation for 11 years now. He's really REALLY laid back and I'm highly strung/hot head and he just annoys me. Everything he does annoys me. The way he eats, the way he laughs....sometimes he just sits there and he will randomly go 'YEAHHHH' and start laughing and I have no idea what's wrong with him....so I go off on one and he's so calm which makes me even more angry....
The things I say to him are so horrible, if someone said these things to me I would knock them out. ...but he just says 'ah but woman, what's wrong with you?' and takes it....
I leave him every few months but he never gives up, like now I haven't called/text him since may 22nd....and he's called me EVERY single day and text me...why don't I talk to him....
I will eventually, because I do love him in my own f'ed up way....but I just wish he would get angry/fight back/tell me about myself....but he's too nice. And its boring.

But if you see what you're doing, why dont you get help?

Feel bad for the guy, kind of feel bad for you too.

Domayne

Guest101 wrote: »

But if you see what you're doing, why dont you get help?

Feel bad for the guy, kind of feel bad for you too.

Hey guest, I did have counselling in 2006 for different issues and I ended up being passed from one to another 6 times which made me feel like...nobody could help me. I don't know if I can deal with that again. But I know I need to do something because my personality has caused many relationship/friendship break down.
This guy, I don't know why he stays, I think he LIKES being abused. I said this to him one day and while he didn't confirm, he also didn't deny it.

Guest101

Domayne wrote: »

Hey guest, I did have counselling in 2006 for different issues and I ended up being passed from one to another 6 times which made me feel like...nobody could help me. I don't know if I can deal with that again. But I know I need to do something because my personality has caused many relationship/friendship break down.
This guy, I don't know why he stays, I think he LIKES being abused. I said this to him one day and while he didn't confirm, he also didn't deny it.

Have you considered private counselling?

Maybe he does? - but it's clearly affecting you as much or more than him.

Potentially this could be an abusive relationship. I think you should consider some counselling - especially after 9 years.

166million

calleyw wrote: »

Everyone has those traits in them but it all depends on to what level.

I have could not manipulate as I have no idea how to do it. I am fairly easy going and don't want to make anyone feel bad including myself.

I for one would never dream of doing this and I know about a couple of people who have been though this. Who have handed over all there wages to there partner and seeing none of it for themselves, and had been made to take out loans for there partners. That to me is financial abuse.

My ex-husband was on higher rate DLA so he could have traded that in for a new car that I would have driven. Never occurred to me to make him do that.

Some people are just selfish and will do anything to get what they want no matter how they hurt or use other people.

Yours

Calley

I don't do anything like put him down or call him names, nothing abusive as such. I sometimes feel like, what if something innocent I am doing is making him feel bad and I am doing it without knowing? Like making a joke, or complaining that the house is a mess, or being annoyed with something from work. I don't know I feel that perhaps my annoyance or negativity might impact him even though its not directed at him. I suppose he would tell me.

How are you doing PW?:A

calleyw

166million wrote: »

I don't do anything like put him down or call him names, nothing abusive as such. I sometimes feel like, what if something innocent I am doing is making him feel bad and I am doing it without knowing? Like making a joke, or complaining that the house is a mess, or being annoyed with something from work. I don't know I feel that perhaps my annoyance or negativity might impact him even though its not directed at him. I suppose he would tell me.

I think you are worrying to much, if you are putting him down don't see the problem.

we all have a moan about stuff like the house being a mess. As long as you are not going "its all your fault the house is a mess" not sure there is an issue.

I have read that men are doers and want to solve problems. So in there mind if you hate work there logic would be go and get another job rather than moan.

Yours

Calley

166million

calleyw wrote: »

I think you are worrying to much, if you are putting him down don't see the problem.

we all have a moan about stuff like the house being a mess. As long as you are not going "its all your fault the house is a mess" not sure there is an issue.

I have read that men are doers and want to solve problems. So in there mind if you hate work there logic would be go and get another job rather than moan.

Yours

Calley

No I would never do that. I am very careful not to as I hate that sort of thing.
Thanks