Are you dating an emotional manipulator?

RuthnJasper

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Still trying to get my head around it.

17 year old doing "A" levels next year the priority.

The more I read, the less I see a solution other than getting out. Gradual detachment. Get fit. Support our son into university. Time to verify that this is the real situation (it is, but just in case ...) Then move on I suppose.

Ouch.

Have you thought about writing a letter to your wife explaining your feelings? She may be genuinely unaware of how much hurt she is causing you. Have you thought about giving mediation a try?

All the best. X

mo1888

Narcissist abuse. Google it. It is horrific...

PeacefulWaters

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Have you thought about writing a letter to your wife explaining your feelings? She may be genuinely unaware of how much hurt she is causing you. Have you thought about giving mediation a try?

All the best. X

I'm trying to think through my own feelings at the moment, as well as taking a little time to make sure I've hit the nail on the head (see below).

I'll certainly make notes before addressing this.

I'm open to counselling etc. She has always been reluctant although we were there a couple of years back.

mo1888 wrote: »

Narcissist abuse. Google it. It is horrific...

Making me think she might be extreme passive aggressive.

Confused.

MadelinesMum

I was with my ex partner for 23 years, since I was 15. It's only now that he's gone that I realise how bad the relationship was. I think I got stuck in a rut and because I had no experience of a relationship, other than him, I thought it was the "norm".

amistupid

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

She makes me feel isolated. Small. Undermines and constructive conversation by belittling me. Then complains about a lack of conversation. Then doesn't converse herself. Offers no affection ever.

Occasionally becomes a warm and loving individual for a few weeks. Then it disappears for months or even years at a time.

Those six things in the list are spot on.

Wrong person to love.

What would she say if she read this?

No one is perfect but I certainly don't believe in labels being stuck on people by American 'life coaches' trying to sell books.

PeacefulWaters

amistupid wrote: »

What would she say if she read this?

I'd predict shouting. Complaining that I never communicate and then the silent treatment for 72 hours.

But I'm not overly bothered if she does read it.

No one is perfect but I certainly don't believe in labels being stuck on people by American 'life coaches' trying to sell books.

Indeed. That's why I'm taking the time to assess my own feelings and to understand the shades of grey that go with an amateur internet diagnosis.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

How would you feel to come home from work and find out she'd packed her bags and left?

If relieved is the overwhelming response, I'd suggest you make discreet plans and arrangements to solve this issue sooner rather than later.

PeacefulWaters

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

How would you feel to come home from work and find out she'd packed her bags and left?

If relieved is the overwhelming response, I'd suggest you make discreet plans and arrangements to solve this issue sooner rather than later.

Relieved would be it.

166million

Does anyone else worry that they might be like this by accident?
I'm always getting these weird thoughts that maybe I'm controlling and subtly abusing my partner and I am not aware of it. I even ask him and he says its nonsense.

Izadora

166million wrote: »

Does anyone else worry that they might be like this by accident?

I'm glad it's not just me. Whenever people post lists here of controlling/abusive behaviours I worry that there are things I do which would fall into those categories.