Are you dating an emotional manipulator?

PeacefulWaters

I think I've been married to one for 20 years.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3180252/Are-dating-emotional-manipulator-Relationship-experts-reveal-six-warning-signs-prove-relationship-toxic-lead-heartbreak.html

1. Your partner frequently diminishes your feelings and makes you feel like are overreacting

2. Your partner puts you down in front of your family and friends

3. Your partner blames you for their bad behaviour.

4. Your partner refuses to explain themselves, and often claims 'you wouldn't understand'

5. Your partner is always one upping you. If you had a bad day at work, their day was worse.

6. Your partner will briefly change their ways when you are about to leave

I've been far too tolerant.

fairy_lights

Sadly my sisters partner ticks all those boxes, but she's not quite ready to recognise it yet

PeacefulWaters

fairy_lights wrote: »

Sadly my sisters partner ticks all those boxes, but she's not quite ready to recognise it yet

I'm in shock. It explains a lot. What a waste of my life.

Kayalana99

I did for over two years, to be fair he never did it in front of people. Quiet sort...some people hate me for leaving him under the circumstances(long story) but that's because they don't know what he's really like.

No one would ever understand my problems like him, no one else would ever put up with me and I was messed up because of my step Dad ...and hey I was low on confidence and believed him.

All him putting things in my head ofc, I finally got away from him and now I have a lovely OH and two wonderful children.

You know I re read them boxes and some of them I've done! I wouldn't be basing anything on some of these silly links you find, how do you actually feel? How does he actually treat you?

PeacefulWaters

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I did for over two years, to be fair he never did it in front of people. Quiet sort...some people hate me for leaving him under the circumstances(long story) but that's because they don't know what he's really like.

No one would ever understand my problems like him, no one else would ever put up with me and I was messed up because of my step Dad ...and hey I was low on confidence and believed him.

All him putting things in my head ofc, I finally got away from him and now I have a lovely OH and two wonderful children.

You know I re read them boxes and some of them I've done! I wouldn't be basing anything on some of these silly links you find, how do you actually feel? How does he actually treat you?

She makes me feel isolated. Small. Undermines and constructive conversation by belittling me. Then complains about a lack of conversation. Then doesn't converse herself. Offers no affection ever.

Occasionally becomes a warm and loving individual for a few weeks. Then it disappears for months or even years at a time.

Those six things in the list are spot on.

Wrong person to love.

RuthnJasper

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

I'm in shock. It explains a lot. What a waste of my life.

Your life isn't over, PW. I'm sorry for your situation; you certainly deserve better - and you can change it. Easier said than done, alas.

Good luck with your future. xx

2gorgeousgirls

My husband and I separated in May. Since then I have come to the conclusion that he is a manipulator, this list confirms it as he ticked all boxes.

Guest101

2gorgeousgirls wrote: »

My husband left in May totally unexpectedly, he had said he wasn't happy at Easter and moved out for a week to clear his head. We got together in May to discuss situation and he decided not to return. I have been analysing our relationship since then and had already come to the conclusion that he manipulated everything to his own ends, even telling outright lies to friends for sympathy.

This list completely confirms my conclusions, he ticked every box.

We have remained on amicable terms for our daughters but I have to admit I don't miss him at all. He is still telling people so many lies about our relationship to gain sympathy - has even told them that I kicked him out because I can't cope with his repeated suicide attempts and stays in a mental health hospital. He has never attempted suicide and has never been an inpatient (he does attend psychiatrist on an outpatient basis). However, he has done some of this in front of our children (despite me asking him to be careful what he says in their presence) and, while they still have a good relationship with him, they are starting to realise what he is like.

We were sitting at dinner on Wed when my older daughter, completely out of the blue, said she wouldn't want him to move back and she likes the way our home is now. My other daughter agreed with her. I have to say I was glad to hear them say it as I have spent many hours worrying about whether they are happy or not.

To be truthful, I'm sorry that it has taken 20 years of my life to get to this point, wish it had happened years ago.

Im sorry to hear this.

I will just say, be careful what children say.

The house is peaceful without him, because you arent both rubbing eachother the wrong way.

They might easily say the same to him if you were the NRP.

That isn't trying to defend him, just that children shouldnt feel preference towards a parent over the other if at all possible. (or without reason - which i suspect there could be, given what you've said)

calleyw

This is of course can be either sex who is like that.

Why people want to be like that I never know. It saddens me so much that there people out there who want to make themselves feel better by putting people down. And control them.

Its easier to be loving and caring then horrible.

Relationships are suppose to be about bringing the best out of each other and loving and caring someone.

PW don't think it as wasted time. Think of it as a lesson learned.

Yours

Calley

Cuilean

Ten years of my life were spent with an emotional manipulator. He knew every trick in the book, which I won't bore you with, but he covered every single behaviour on your list there. Finally saw sense a few years ago and left him.

He found out I was getting married two years ago, and sent me a Facebook message, which went along the lines of "You stupid ****, I bet you're only marrying him because he's knocked you up". Nice to see he's changed. Loser. Kicking myself for not seeing it sooner.

earthmother

Another two decade inmate here, all the above points and then some ... he walked thankfully, once I finally realised, worked on not reacting, and he realised he couldn't be the centre of attention any more (simplified version, but you get the picture) ... but he still tries his tricks though, with me and the kids, even though he has another partner and family now.