Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, Tara

Paid £100 off cc this morning, which brings it down to £145 (I spent £10 on a story competition entry fee on Sunday). Feeling a bit better about it, because it feels more under control.

Received £3.32 in Amazon ebook royalties yesterday

My GTM troubles have been sorted and I should receive my £30 within 10 working days

When I did my 2.5 mile walk up the lane yesterday, I hit my pre-virus time! :j My chest whistled, but I did it

Yesterday was also a good day — blogged, redrafted a short story and dyed my hair (my roots seemed to be 3 inches long, despite the rest of my hair only growing by 1.5 at most...) so I hope I've turned a corner.

Had a bit of a revelation re money problems: I think my debt acts as evidence for a lot of negative beliefs I have held about myself for a long time. For example, that I'm worthless, I'm a burden to others, my skills aren't valuable, etc. Think I will bring it up at counselling on Friday...

crazy_cat_lady

Pleased that you're feeling a bit better ABA. Don't push yourself too hard and I hope that virus disappears soon.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, ccl

Things have been challenging lately... my grandad died suddenly last week, after recovering from pneumonia so well that he seemed better than he had been for a good few years. It's sad, of course, but also really stressful. My mum is stressed, which makes me stresssed and anxious. My depression has also worsened a little. My life seems empty and pointless right now.

I'm also stressed about whether I will continue to get Working Tax Credits in April. If I don't, I will have to either try to force myself into any job I can get, which would probably be one which makes my mental health worse, or apply for esa again and feel like I've taken a massive step back, plus I would have to put up with the associated stresses of claiming, which will make my mental health worse. Either way, it would feel like I have wasted the past year of working on my business and trying to improve my mental health. The progress I have made would disappear and I'd be left in worse health.

The only bit of good news is that I have cleared my cc balance. I have added to what I owe my parents, but at least my repayments won't be eaten up by interest.

I'm trying to focus on my Machu Picchu challenge. I intended to go back to kettlebells class today, but lost my nerve and cancelled the booking. Maybe once the funeral's out the way I will feel less anxious. I have been doing some longer walks and am going for a hike with a couple of my fellow trekkers on Saturday, so hopefully I won't embarrass myself too much on the challenge.

crazy_cat_lady

Sorry to read about your granddad ABA. Remember to be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to have all the feelings that grief brings along with it. Lots of love to you.
And congrats on clearing your cc. x

Luckystepho

Sorry to hear about your Grandad, that is bound to knock you back especially as you can see how it's affecting your Mum.

It would be a good idea if you can to train on hilly stuff, or even marching up stairs or using a stepper at the gym- that will help to prepare your legs for walking up those stone steps to Machu Picchu!

reality_check

So sorry to hear about your Grandad ABA. I hope you start to feel better within yourself soon xxx

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys

I'm still very stressed and anxious, but starting to get back to things. Blogged this week, for the first time in what feels like ages.

My Rainy Day Fund is up to £114, plus I have £54 in my fun fund. It's looking good, but will get eaten up within 2/3 months if my Working Tax Credits don't get renewed. Also need to start repaying my parents again next month...

Been walking more, including a couple of long ones. I'm more confident in my fitness, but fell over a few times on Dartmoor... Hills aren't much of an issue, since I live in such a hilly area that it's impossible to do a walk without at least a few!

Just trying to focus on writing and walking atm, instead of worrying a out other stuff.

reality_check

Good news ABA! Yeah too much is overwhelming for anyone, I think focusing on writing and walking is a good idea, and with a bit of luck everything else will click into place.

How long is it until you go?!

What survey websites do you recommend trying? I'm going to give it a go and see if I can earn a few extra £££ xxx

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, rc I leave 5 weeks today! Different survey sites work well for me at different times, but Global Test Market is the main one I've been using atm. Valued Opinions and YouGov are the only others I'm using regularly. I was doing well on Opinion Outpost and a similar one whose names escapes me back along, but the invitations appear to have dried up.

So... I received my wtc as normal yesterday turns out I was stressing over nothing, but I have had benefits stopped in the past with no warning or explanation and it was a huge hassle to get them reinstated, which had a negative impact on my mental health. I'm relieved that didn't happen, but it has made me determined to priorise my savings so that I could survive several months without an income if need be. I also want to increase my earnings, obviously, so will be seeking and seizing more opportunities from now on.

I'm still pretty anxious atm, but less depressed. My travel vaccinations floored me last week — I was fine for a couple of days (apart from a sore arm!), then spent 5 days feeling tired and getting a lot of headaches. I'm back to being more productive this week, which is good ��

My counsellor pointed out that I seem to feel better when following a routine, so I'm now actively working towards building one. It's going okay, but there's plenty of room for improvement! I'm trying to schedule different writing activites (novel, short stories, blogging, volunteering, other nonfiction, etc.) and it's helping me to get more done, though it's still early days....

I got a £10 Amazon voucher on Monday, so bought an ebook I have wanted for AGES. It's called Grit by Angela Duckworth and examines how success is down to grittiness, rather than luck or innate talent. I'm just over halfway through and it's very interesting — I'm already thinking of ways I can apply it to my career.

Talking of which, I have been thinking about doing some training in mental health/psychology, but am not sure how to approach it. I want to help people with mental health problems and reduce stigma by using my writing skills. Obviously finance is a huge consideration, but even if it weren't, I'm not sure what direction I would take. I love learning, so am drawn towards academic modules/courses, which makes the OU an obvious choice — especially since my past experiences with them have been positive — but I don't know. I have only just started thinking about it and haven't done any research yet. My instinct is that some training and even a qualification would help give my blogs and related articles more authority, plus it would help me feel more confident in writing them.

Gosh, that's a long post! The gist is: things are slowly getting better

reality_check

Thanks - will hopefully motivate myself to give them a go x