Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

crazy_cat_lady

I think there is an element of thoughtlessness on the part of your friends there. I think it'll probably be difficult for you, but you should consider just asking your friends for a share towards what you contributed. Some people really don't think, and although I don't know the situation I know that your anxiety will be making you think the worst about it. I'm sure you've seen the 'unhelpful thinking styles' - I'm guilty of every single one of these most of the time and it takes a lot of talking to myself to look more realistically on the situation I'm in.
Pleased that you survived the weekend anyway and hope that you enjoyed most of it.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys Glad it's not just me who thinks Petrol Friend was out of order! She does lack a certain kind of empathy, which I think comes from being an only child — it means she doesn't consider other people's comfort or perspectives. Like when we went to London and I pointed out that taking cabs would be more comfortable for our heavily pregnant friend instead of the tube, she said "she still plays badminton" as if sweating for an hour doing exercise was comparable to hours in London on a hot summer's day!

Think I'll let it go this time, unless someone else brings it up, but hopefully I will be confident enough to speak up next time. Being out of pocket doesn't bother me as much as the lack of consideration.

The past couple of days have been a lot better. I earned over £7 for my first month using Adsense on my blog, which was more than I expected because I have heard it builds slowly and my blogging was erratic. I also went to jive last night, which was fun despite my anxiety. I drove on my own for the first time since November, too.

Today has been very good. I had my counselling assessment this morning and am starting counselling next week I think it will help a lot, like it did last year. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter how awful I feel at any goven time, I'm in a much better position than I was a year ago.

I have also had 4 donations, meaning I have hit my initial fundraising target of £250! Thank you to both those of you who have sponsored me and those who have supported me on here — I can't express adequately how much it means to me. I feel less stressed about Machu Picchu and am now a massive 25% of the way to my ultimate target of £1000

crazy_cat_lady

So pleased to read that things are looking good ABA - happy days for you. Hang onto the good times, they'll help you get through the not-so-good times.
Well done on reaching your target fundraising :j
And hope the counselling helps you out.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks ccl

I have another cough/cold, so am feeling a bit sorry for myself this week. Didn't help when I forced myself to toddle off to Exeter library on Tuesday for an Internet Icons event streaming live from the British Library... only for their sound not to work! They said they will email us a link though, so I should still get to watch it — think there might be some useful tips for developing my blog and online presence.

Paid £100 off cc yesterday, which is now £370. Will be relieved when it's clear, although it's far more manageable now and less daunting.

Got £5 sponsorship from someone who works for the mental health charity I volunteer at, which was very kind of her. Woke up to a £100 donation from a close friend this morning, which was awesome — I know she is quite well off, but I didn't expect so much! I appreciate every donation and am thrilled to have achieved 35.5% of my ultimate target

Failed to blog yesterday, which is a shame but I felt so c**p I can't beat myself up about it. Aim to write an extra-good post today to atone

AspiringButAnxious

Paid £90 off cc (£5 of which was interest) so new balance is £285. It's going down...

I'm still feeling really ill and wretched. Even looked into seeing the doctor, but couldn't get an appointment for over a week. I hope to have improved by then, so didn't make an appointment. Looking online, the helpful advice for treating a chest infection without antibiotics is to drink plenty of fluids and rest. I'm already doing that, so I guess I just carry on...

It was going to be a quiet week anyway, since there's no jive and no counselling. I'm neglecting my blog horribly, but just don't have the energy right now. Things feel pretty bleak, so my mood is low, but I'm too exhausted to get too upset.

reality_check

You should call bck and take the appointment and cancel if you don't need it?

Lots of water, green tea and fruit and veg. Homemade soup, lots of baths, candles and fresh bed sheets helps me when I don't feel great. Hope you feel better soon.

Credit card is coming down nicely! xx

crazy_cat_lady

Feel better soon. And if you don't, get yourself to a walk in centre. The last thing you need is for it to become pneumonia. x

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys I have a eoctor's appointment tomorrow — feel better than I was last week, but still not great and it hurts to breathe when I try to walk.

Paid £50 off cc today, bringing it down to £235. I will be sooooooo relieved once it's all paid off — I hate having it hanging around.

Haven't done much over the past week, but did meet someone who is going to Peru with me. She is very nice and reassured me a lot, because she feels the same as I do. She is even worried about training, like me, because she has shin splints. Also messaged the other woman I have been in touch with from the Peru trek fb group a lot on Saturday; she is a size 18, like me, so I won't be completely surrounded with skinny people! We both aim to lose weight by the trek, but it's good to know someone else in the same boat. I feel a little more confident

My mood is still pretty low, not helped by the suspected chest infection. It's a struggle to do anything. I have done a couple of bits of work for my volunteer roles and a bit of writing (I have 2 and 2 half ideas for short stories!), but it's so little. The blog is still being neglected, because I simply don't have the energy.

Everything feels awful atm. I'm trying to cling to the glimmers of hope, but failing most of the time.

AspiringButAnxious

The doctor's appointment confirmed what I had suspected: my chest infection is viral. That means I can't do anything more than I have been. I asked if exercise would make it worse and was told no, but "take it easy". Whatever that means! Seriously, even short walks hurt my chest so I have no idea whether what I would normally class as light or moderate activity is taking it easy.

However, I do feel a bit better than I have been of late and have some energy, which is more than I can say for the past few weeks. I went up the lane today, which is about 2.5 miles and was fine — apart from a heavy shower, which made my chest hurt even more because the wind got pretty strong and was very cold. I survived though, so intend to do it again tomorrow! It feels good just to be doing some sort of training again.

My mental health has improved over the past 2 days and I have been able to do a little work. I need to get back to blogging this week and there are several short story deadlines I want to meet over the next few months. One of my goals for this year is to submit 30 stories (each story can be submitted multiple times when it gets rejected) and despite the slow start to the year, I have submitted 3 — 2 of them yesterday!

I reached the points threshold for getting £30 from GTM, but had problems processing the order. Now my account doesn't seem to recognise any of my information... I'm in contact with them and hopefully it will get sorted soon. It's very frustrating and annoying — I want the money asap so I can pay off more of the cc.

I'm trying to take each day as it comes and not stress out about money. I keep reading advice to focus on the positives — my passions, what I can do right now, etc. — and while I'm not convinced it will solve my problems, it helps me through. I guess that's the main thing atm.

misstara

Glad to hear you've got a bit more energy and that your mental health has improved. Sucks that it's a viral infection though.