Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

You're welcome, rc

After starting last week firing on all cylinders, the end took a downturn... Fell ill on Friday, spending the night shivering and sweating. Been taking paracetamol since then, which has helped me to not feel so achey — the main issue is a sore throat and mild headache. Grrr! Thought I was done with being ill... I am sure there's a life lesson in all these viruses (you know, other than "getting out more exposes you to more viruses"), but right now it feels like being slapped with a slimy fish. And I hate fish.

Having said that, I did get some good work done last week — including submitting a short story Also went to jive alone, after my friend pulled out with an upset stomach. She texted me 40min before I was due to leave, which was a bit stressful, but I went anyway and I coped. Reversed my mum's new car into a bay for te first time, too. Which still counts, though it was in the middle of about 7 empty bays! :rotfl:

Sadly, we were told that this week's class will be the last at the venue. I can go to the class in my hometown, which is easier to get to since I can walk, but too far to expect my friend to come — plus she does other classes on Wednesdays. I'm terrified, but it took me over 3 years to start modern jive and I'm determined not to quit. I know the teacher and coaches, plus there are bound to be at least a few people I have met in classes, so it's not as daunting as it might have been. Perhaps there's a sense of relief, too: doing the class alone removes anxiety over whether or not my friend will make it. I will miss seeing her so regularly, but c'est la vie.

Ironically, as I was feeling ill over the weekend, my fundraising for Machu Picchu (see https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/HayleyNJones) went well! I raised another £100, thanks to a few donations from my dad's family and a couple of unexpected ones (including from my awesome mentor, Emylia Hall — everyone buy her books!). This brings me £25 short of the 50% mark I don't think I will hit my £1000 target, though I suppose you never know, but raising £500 is still a big achievement for me — especially as I hate askig people for help and promoting myself, even if it is for a worthwhile cause!

I leave for Peru in just over 3 weeks and am trying to reframe my anxiety as excitement — which helps reduce anxiety and lets me appreciate the excitement I feel underneath. I'm also into my last month of being 32, which makes me feel reflective. I want to use my Machu Picchu challenge as a springboard to create a better life for myself, but I'm not sure how...

misstara

Sorry to hear you've been ill. So exciting that your trip is only 3 weeks away, I'm very jealous! I'm also in my last few weeks of 32 which likewise has made me feel reflective

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, tara wow, we're very close in age! Lol — kind of thing you never think about, until someone memtions it.

This week has been kinda good, but not done a lot. Was supposed to have an eye appointment today, but it got cancelled yesterday because my doctor got scheduled for emergency surgery — on someone else, I presume, since he's a surgeon! I know it can't be helped and I've accepted it, but late cancellations are soooo hard to deal with when you have anxiety. I spent the past 2 weeks mentally preparing. It's a bit annoying and frustrating, especially since it's 6 months overdue and already got rescheduled once (at 4 days' notice).

Been walking more, heading up the lane with my dog. Going to Dartmoor with a couple of my fellow trekkers on Sunday, so that will be a good chunk of training on tougher terrain.

Got a credit card deal from my provider this morning — 0% interest on new purchses from 18th May to 17th November — so I phoned them to activate it. Very handy timing, since my website costs renew om 21st May and I need to pay just under £150 on my Very account in June. This will allow me to spread the cost and ease the pressure a bit.

Been doing a lot of introspection work with a fantastic journal of exercises called Start Where You Are. It has clarified some things for me, including the fact that I really, really want to do a psychology course with the OU and possibly build it into a degree. It would benefit me personally and professionally, but I have no idea how I would pay for it.

Also realised I'm ready to make a concerted effort to lose weight again, after several months of staying around 235-240lbs (down from 263.5 last June). I've started this week and am using a 365 day journal I bought a while back to track my progress and record my thoughts. I need to find ways to keep my motivation high and not get discouraged by slow progress or other stuff happening in my life.

Soooo... Pretty boring, but still on track

reality_check

At least you've not just turned 35 like me ABA....don't know how that happened!! :eek:

Great timing with the credit card!!

I would love to keep a bullet journal, but I am too scatty to remember to update it! And mistakes on paper annoy me, would spend ages ripping out pages and starting again!

Good luck with the Dartmoor walk! xxx

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, rc I'm sure I'll get there soon enough — have a feeling turning 40 is just around the corner!

I have a huge number of notebooks, journals, etc. It's almost an addiction

dimestorediamond

Hi ABA, I'm with the OU and I don't know if you have done their courses before, but I have had a fantastic experience. Every tutor has been brilliant, especially last year's who helped me get some real perspective when I had a bit of a breakdown last year (work/uni/MHealth/physical illness). Please speak to the OU about financing and grants, I am in Wales and don't have any other university qualifications, but I am actually getting paid, essentially, to do this course. I know England has different rules, but please speak to the finance team, they have been great for me!

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, dimestore I have studied with the OU before and really like them. I already have a BA, so I'm not eligible for student loans or grants. I'm considering paying by installments, but think even that would be a struggle (if not impossible) given my current low income and debt repayments.

Renewed my working tax credits today — nothing has changed in my circumstances, so hopefully I will continue to receive them, but still feel stressed about it. Need to figure out ways to earn more money so I feel more secure and can eventually survive without government assistance. Trouble is, I lost several months when I was ill; even when I kept plugging away at writing, I couldn't think clearly enough to come up with any strategies. Having said that, I find it hard to pick strategies and maintain confidence in them — I need someone to tell me what to do!

AspiringButAnxious

I was wrong! Apparently, you may be eligible for a part time tuition fee loan if you already have a degree, as long as you choose certain qualifications in certain subjects — and a Psychology BSc is one of them! So I'm going to give it a shot and apply Ran into a snag on the OU website though — it won't let me register for a Psychology BSc and says I have to contact them, since I have already studied with the OU. I'm confused as to why, since I don't want to count any of my previous credits (which went towards a diploma anyway) and wasn't expecting to be able to. I have emailed them, so hopefully will sort it out. I need to enrol for my first module before contacting Student Finance England, according to the OU's step by step guide and while it doesn't explicitly say you have to register for the Psychology BSc before applying, I assume that's the case and it might harm my loan application if I don't register. Hopefully all will begin to go smoothly soon and I will receive funding It will definitely open up a lot of doors for me, as I would like to be involved in helping people's mental health in other ways, as well as blogging/writing.

I went on a 10 mile hike on Dartmoor yesterday. It rained. A lot of the terrain was rough. I felt miserable. But I did it! I keep reminding myself to focus on the next few steps and not worry about being far behind the others — good advice for life, methinks

Was party to a really awkward discussion/argument over whether my writing group should sponsor me. The vote (from which I abstained) ended in a tie and since some of the objections were strong, it was decided that individuals should sponsor me if they wished but the group's funds would not be used. I got £40 sponsorship on the day and the promise of sponsorship from a few more people, which is great. The situation was incredibly awkward — to the extent that a couple of members emailed me to apologise on behalf of a few of the more vehement objectors — especially as I didn't ask for sponsorship from the group (another member suggested it, thinking it would be a nice thing to do, which it would have been). Never mind!

Filled in my tax return today, which took ages because the website was so slow :mad: I made a very small profit, which is more than I managed last year, so I guess that's progress.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything going on atm, but still reasonably positive. Just need to keep pushing through and focusing on the next few steps

Florence_J

Hi ABA, i know you have posted it before, but I was wondering if you would be so kind as to message me a link to your blog? I would love to have a read

AspiringButAnxious

Sure, Florence: www.resurfacingandrewriting.com takes you directly to the blog