Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

reality_check

Well done!! I can imagine a trek being horrific, but how amazing knowing you've actually completed it!!

My debt has also increased over the last few weeks, but oh well, we just need to keep on plodding on. xxx

Luckystepho

Well done you- a couple of people in the trekking group I went with struggled with the altitude and ended up going to Machu Picchu by train so well done on carrying on and completing it!

doingitanyway

Well done for completing your mission!

erin_transport

Well done
Great achievement!

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, everyone Now I'm feeling a little more human, I'm pretty proud of myself!

Having said that, I'm still very tired. Too tired to think about the big questions, like how to develop my career strategy. I feel like I should be making plans, riding high on the tide of inspiration, but I'm too knackered!

I'm trying to stick to my usual bedtime/getting up time, so that I don't get stuck into another pattern of oversleeping and insomnia, but perhaps I should be trying to nap or something to catch up om sleep... Trouble is, I tend not to be able to nap. The mental and emotional tiredness are probably worse than the physical tiredness. It takes me a good couple of weeks to recover from a weekend with friends, let alone 10 days with strangers (albeit strangers who have become friends) with all kinds of physical and non-physical challenges thrown in.

I think I completed the trek through stubbornness. And a determination not to be forced to ride a recovery horse — those poor animals don't deserve to carry my weight. Luckily, the two people who needed the horses are both very slim! I want to bring the same stubbornness to my work, so that I can write more and earn more from my writing.

My big priority for this summer is to finish my novel. I'm halfway through a major redraft and it will need a couple more redrafts (at least) to reach a good standard. There's a novel competition I want to enter in September, so the aim is to get it as good as it can be by then.

Other priorities are:
• Write and submit short stories as much as I can
• Get fitter and lose weight
• Blog regularly and build the readership
• Do a good job in my volunteer role for a local mental health charity

So hopefully I will feel more human soon, so I can get on with it all!

Florence_J

I think you are tremedous ABA.

I don't want to hear you disparage yourself anymore, that's a Flo order!

I've been thinking, now I am only basing this on what I have read from your diary, but I take it like me you are unhappy with your weight, or feel it could be different.

There's a book by a size 18 personal trainer from Canada that I read about in the paper a couple of months ago called 'Big Fit Girl' and it is worth a read. There have been studies recently that have shown that being overweight, maybe even obese, but quite active is much better than being a healthy weight but inactive, because it is the activity levels that do the good for your body, not necessarily only the weight aspect.

So what I want to say is you have just trekked machu picchu despite your size, whatever it may or may not be, so you are awesome and you are doing yourself good.

Also you have inspired me because I have always wanted to do those crazy '3 in 24 hours' challenges where you climb three mountains in the UK within 24 hours, but have been worried because of my size, so thank you for showing me you don't have to be a size 0 to do something cool.

AspiringButAnxious

Aw, thanks Flo! I am indeed a size 18 and currently 232lbs. 6 years ago, I was a size 26 and didn't weigh myself, but was definitely over 300lbs. In a way, I think my size has helped me to communicate to people how difficult the trek was for me. They can't see my mental illness and I coped fairly well, despite a couple of panic attacks and uncontrollable crying early one morning (thankfully I was quiet enough not to wake my roommate!), but they can see I'm obese and realise that both the training and the trek must have been a huge challenge.

I'm trying to eat more healthily and lose weight, but fitness is my priority. I think the personal trainer you mentioned was on This Morning — I definitely agree that fitness is essential, whatever your weight. I also think being thin can cause people to be complacent, so they don't consider the impact of a bad diet and no exercise on their health.

Anyhoo, no more disparaging myself... I'll try!

Added £70 to my fun fund today. Want to use it to do a skydive — aiming for September and hoping to lose enough weight to avoid the surcharge. Or at least minimise it.

Still haven't found out exactly how much I owe my parents...

AspiringButAnxious

Okay, bit the bullet... I owe my parents £17,000. It's more than I'd like, but less than I'd dreaded.

If I pay off 1% a month, it will take me 8 years and 4 months to clear — so October 2025.

While that's a scary thought, I'm okay with it. I can afford the repayments and would have a bit of flexibility, allowing me to save more and enjoy my life. However, I also know that every extra 1% (or £170) paid will bring my debt-free date forward by 1 month, which is pretty motivating.

AspiringButAnxious

Paid my mum £100 yesterday.

It's been an expensive week, though for positive reasons — I have entered 3 short story competitions and bought a workbook which will help me build my blog into something more successful.

I'm being more productive and getting back into the swing of things, which feels good. Also been back to kettlebells, this time with my mum in tow! It was our 3rd session last night and I ache a lot less than I did last week

My main aims are to keep going and gradually add more — more writing, more exercise, more submitting work, more blogging, etc.

AspiringButAnxious

Added £100 to Rainy Day Fund, hitting my £500 target Now onto boosting my emergency fund!

Sent a press release about my Machu Picchu challenge to the local newspaper, not expecting them to be interested but figuring I had nothing to lose. Turns out they were interested and published an article yesterday. So far, it has netted me an extra £30 sponsorship (albeit from my nan), meaning I have hit 90% of my £1000 target.

Been blogging more again this week — the plan is to do Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Still working on novel and developing a cast iron plan to get it completed. Also started to redraft a short story and got another idea in the pipeline, so hoping to get submitting more over summer.

It's going well