Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Added £100 to Rainy Day Fund, bringing it up to £213.38

I feel more secure for having more in savings and am taking advantage of my cashflow being a mess until next month, when I go back to repaying my loan from my parents regularly.

Luckystepho

Dartmoor is lovely- ideal training ground for hills! Not long to go now- bet you're so excited and probably also scared, which is entirely normal!! When I did the Inca Trail I was petrified I wouldn't be able to do it but everyone was able to just walk at their own pace and take their time and it was the most wonderful adventure!

DiLine

Hi there I have just read your post and thought I would reply, I am the Mum of a 30yr old son who has just had to move back home with us due to mental health and debt problems. This has only in the last three days so we are stiil in a bit of shock at the amount of debt our son has ran up (over £14,000) in payday loans and I am really terrified if i am honest on where this will go I am imagining thousands being added on in interest everyday, but most importantly our son is now accessing mental health support and we have been to citizens advice with him for debt advice which was useful but still really scary. Your post struck a nerve with me because of your similarities in age and our son had also worked hard to get his MA and has been a social worker for the past 4 years. I think I am waffling now but I just wanted to let you know your post has given me some hope that our son will feel better and work his way through this. I also wanted to wish you good luck.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, Lucky — that makes me feel a little more optimistic!

Thanks, DiLine — you also have to remember that most people recover from episodes of mental illness and return to "normal" in a relatively short period of time (though it obviously feels like much longer) and a big percentage of them don't experience another episode. Although my own mental health has gone up and down, it's not typical of the majority because it's prevented me from functioning properly for at least 15 years (probably 20, but I wasn't diagnosed until 18). However, I do want to show people in similar positions to me that you can find meaning, purpose and pleasure at some points and hopefully this will happen enough to tip the balance and make life worth living.

The past week has been difficult. I had meant to do loads of blogging for myself and the charity I volunteer for, since it was Mental Health Awareness Week, but my own mental health prevented it... The universe has a string sense of irony!

Thankfully I had counselling on Friday and that helped me to feel better. I also went to jive class alone last week, at the new (to me) venue, so I'm glad I was able to do that. My best friend came over on Saturday night and we went to a jive freestyle, which was fun. I got my hair sorted out, too — cut on Thursday and then dyed it myself on Friday. It was a total mess before, so it feels good to actually like it again.

The OU replied to my email and registed me for the Psychology BSc and I enrolled on the first module. They will email me when applications open for part time tuition loans. They ask a few eligibility check questions, which referred to previous qualifications (which shouldn't be an issue since exceptions are made for STEM subjects, including Psychology) and residential status, so I shouldn't have problems getting the loan.

I feel a bit weird posting in this forum nowadays, since I have been increasing my debt over the last 9 months or so. I feel guilty for spending so much. I'm trying to view some purchases (i.e. Machu Picchu) as investments in my future, but I do wonder if I'm just making excuses. I suppose my focus has been on my mental health, rather than money, yet money influences my mental health a lot...

Guess I will have to face up to all of this when I get back in a couple of weeks — when I find out how much I owe my parents now (it's a lot more than what my sig says). I also need to get going with work/career plans and earn more. Again, this is difficult because my mental health is unpredictable and I'm aftaid of makin it worse by pushing myself too far, as I have done in the past. Just wish I knew I was doing the right thing. I need someone to guide me and tell me what to do, though if someone tried that, I would probably rebel!

crazy_cat_lady

Sounds like it's all go at the moment for you. You know you need to make the most of the good times and ride through the bad times. You're not a fraud for posting on here and your debt increasing. It's your diary, your blog, your choice. And in my opinion, it's good debt if it's helping your future plans. My sister is a psychologist and she loves it.

Florence_J

ABA, I am having a hard time at the moment with my mental health, and just knowing you are on here. with your diary, your journey, the same problems as me but with the strength to deal with them makes me feel like I can do the same.

Take care lovely

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, guys that means a lot.

I guess I feel weird partly because my debt-free (hopefully!) journey is taking some twists and turns which I didn't anticipate. There's also the issue of my overspending last year, when I felt out of control again, though this has been remedied. Of course, stopping all my plans and paying every penny towards my debt wouldn't be the right answer either, since it would have a negative impact on my mental health.

In theory, this expenditure will help me to earn more money in the medium to long term, so it makes financial sense from that perespective. It's not as if my money problems are going to have life or death consequences, since I doubt my parents would let me starve or chuck me out. Unless I did something really awful, of course. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself: while I had hoped to be earning more by now, the reasons for doing my Machu Picchu trek are still good ones. Ditto my reasons for wanting to do a Psychology degree.

Gosh, I've gone all philosophical! I suppose it's difficult to assess my situation properly because I don't know what effect my Machu Picchu challenge will have on my life. I'm hoping it will increase my confidence and motivation, but I don't know that for certain.

AspiringButAnxious

I'm back! The trek was awful — pouring with rain for 3 days straight, I got a throat infection and was given antibiotics by the doctor, plus I struggled with altitude sickness... but I walked every step and reached Machu Picchu. Which was wonderful. Thank you to everyone who has sponsored me: I raised £870 of my £1000 official target, but over £1000 if you factor in gift aid.

Added £187 to my rainy day fund today, which brings it up to £400. Will be back to makig loan repayments in June — so will have to find out exactly how much I owe my parents after adding to the debt over the past 6 months. Bit scary, though I know roughly how much it will be (which is probably why I'm scared!). Just got to keep paying it off at a steady pace without freaking out.

Feeling exhausted. Didn't sleep much during my trip, which I kinda expected since I can't sleep well in unfamiliar places. Also not looking forward to facing the realities of my life again, though I think the trek has inspired me — too tired to really think about things clearly.

misstara

Well done ABA :T:T such a huge achievement! Hope your throat is feeling better and that you get some rest.

crazy_cat_lady

Congratulations to you ABA - you did it! :j
Sorry it wasn't quite what you thought it would be - and I hope that you feel better soon.