Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Thank you so much, ccl I'm incredibly touched by the kindness and generosity of people on here. I hope I do you all proud!

Huskyrunner

See Anxious you will be sorted before you know it :-) I will sort something next week once i am paid.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks husky and thanks to whoever gave me an anonymous donation today it's a brilliant start to the week, especially in combination with Andy Murray winning yesterday!

I actually got quite a bit done on Friday, which is just as well because I haven't gotten much done over the weekend. Saturday was taken up mostly by writing group, since it's a 3 hour meeting and 45-60min drive each way. I also spent the morning feeling anxious about it, which ate up a lot of time... Yesterday was spent trying to get tiles off the kitchen and conservatory floor — the b*ggers don't want to come off! This has left me with several small cuts on my fingers and aching muscles

Had a meetig this morning with someone I volunteer for. She liked the ideas I had, so I've got the go ahead to do some proper planning and put ideas into action. The plan for this week is to survive! The remainder of the kitchen is being ripped out today. I also hope to redraft a short story and polish and submit another one. I would like to take loads of photos too, since I feel awful for not doing any of the weekly assignments for my course. They aren't compulsary, but I'm a swot so it feels like failure!

I need to get organised and make some plans regarding getting paid work. I will do some brainstorming....

AspiringButAnxious

Okay, it's time to admit that my sneezing isn't just down to all the dust: I have a cold. I felt awful yesterday afternoon, so cancelled Bodypump, and feel no better today (actually, I think a little worse) so not sure I will get to kettlebells tomorrow. Not doing anything productive is making me feel worse, as is being generally tired because I have been getting up earlier since the kitchen is being renovated.

Don't want this week to be a write-off, but feels like it's going that way...

crazy_cat_lady

If you're poorly then a rest is the best thing for you. You'll recover quicker.
Get better soon.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, ccl I think I will have to bail on jive and Friday's kettlebells — I feel completely drained this week.

I'm stressed as f**k. I'm shocked at how much I have been affected by the upheaval of the kitchen renovations, because I was prepared for the dust, noise, mess, clutter, more dust, etc. Having a cold probably doesn't help.

Despite this, today has been brilliant! Here is a summary:
• Paid my Mum rent plus £40 of what I owe her from shopping and the vet
• Got YouGov £50, so paid an extra £40 off cc (though spent only slightly less than that on ebooks yesterday...)
• Found out that my short story will be published in the Aesthetica Award anthology — winners will be announced in December, when it's published
• Also found out that I got 3rd place in another writing comp! So that has netted me £25
• Posted on blog

I have also gotten an email from someone who saw my profile on LinkedIn. He noticed I used to work for the CV place and runs a similar business, only charging clients less and paying writers a little more. He says another writer who works for him had similar experiences with the CV place and was happy to answer my questions re payment. It seems like a good opportunity to earn some proper money — assuming he's genuine.

There are two main reasons for my reluctance:

1. I have no idea who this guy is and apart from an fb page with several positive reviews (which might have been paid for, despite the bad grammar) I can't find any info. I don't want to get scammed or be in a situation where I don't know whether I will be paid, even if it does come through in the end. It's too stressful. Even if I give it a brief trial, if it turns out to be a scam or just another !!!!py CV writing mill, I will feel awful for wasting my time.

2. I don't enjoy writing CVs and feel that it would probably be best for my future career ro focus on fiction, blogging and articles — especially as the latter 2 tend to pay better, though the market is more competitive. I also feel my skills fit these types of writing better — CV writing can be a struggle, especially when you get difficult clients, and can end up taking so long to complete/revise that what seems like a generous payment quickly falls to less than minimum wage. I'm willing to pay my dues (hence all the volunteer work), but I'm not prepared to slave over work which is only tangentially related to my field.

So I'm having a think... I might try asking more questions, giving the guy a bit of a prod. Of course, if I decide not to give it a shot, I need to find another way to make money in the short term...

I don't know... I'm more confused about my career than ever! Hence I have bought ebooks on freelance writing and business. I think I need to figure out a strategy and stick to it, but I'm scared of making the wrong choice.

reality_check

Can you not go to the library and borrow books rather than buying them? Not sure if they will have what you're looking for, but worth a shot x

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks rc I've exhausted the business/writing section of my local library! Tbh though, I'm not short of things to read... I just tend to think that if I get a certain book, it could give me the answers I need.

A BIG thank you to misstara for her very generous donation to my JustGiving page (If you're reading this, misstara, I sent you a pm just now, but I'm not sure whether it went through).

Other good news: I ordered £30 pp from GTM after spending a few days infuriatingly close to the threshold.

Apart from that, I have spent my time struck down with an awful cold. Painful chest, earache, headaches, cough, inability to think clearly... the works! I have a ton of stuff to get done, but I'm only just starting to feel more human. My energy was completely drained.

The only constructive thing I have managed to do over the past 5/6 days is complete a computer marked assignment for my OU photography course. It was a struggle, but I *think* I should have enough marks to pass and it only counts for 10% of my course grade (which is done on a pass/fail basis anyway) so I'm not too worried. Just need to get well enough to go out and take loads of photos to prepare for my final assignment...

misstara

You're welcome ABA

Boo to having the cold, glad you're feeling slightly more human. Think you've passed it on though have woken up today with a sore throat and the sniffles.

AspiringButAnxious

Soooo... I see I thought I was getting better over 2 weeks ago, but I got worse again and am still ill Had weird fever dream last week, involving the interview episode of The Apprentice, which was terrifying! Feel a bit better this week, but still have very little energy and strugglfing to think clearly. Getting more frustrated the longer it goes on, which doesn't help. It's another wonderful feature of long term mental illness: your immune system is affected, so you catch viruses easily and struggle to shake them off.

Sorry for passing it on, Tara! Hope you feel better

Not much has happened since I have been ill. The kitchen renovations are taking forever. Well, the kitchen is pretty much done — they have moved onto the flooring throughout downstairs. Considering I live in a tiny 2 bedroom terraced house (my dad put a partition wall in the front bedroom, in case you're wondering how that works with me and my brother both living with our parents!), there is a lot more floor than you'd think...

I paid another £100 towards the loan yesterday, which takes me up to 20.5% paid off! It's going slowly and my cc is another story, but at least it feels like I'm getting somewhere.

Bits and bobs of news:
• Received my £30 from GTM
• Got £15 Amazon voucher from ValOp and used it to buy Cards of Humanity as a present to all the family from my dog (yes, my parents are very liberal-minded in that respect and no, we will NOT be playing it with my grandparents on Xmas day!). May have also had my weekend with friends in mind when I decided to buy it...
• Am 20p away from a £25 payment from Pureprofile
• Received my contributor's copy of the anthology I'm published in
• Put GoogleAds on my blog last week, in an attempt to make some money, and am genuinely shocked to have earnt 7p sp far!

My prevailing mood at the moment is frustration and annoyance. I have sooooo much to do, but simply don't have the energy or the ability to think clearly, thanks to this virus. My to-do list is ridiculously long and I'm working through it at snails' pace. I dread to think how much my fitness has declined, though I can't tell because the cold air hurts my chest so I'm puffing as soon as I leave the house. Think it might take a miracle to get my photography final assignment done: I have 2 half decent photos so far and I need 10!

I have decided to focus on blogging and fiction writing for the moment, to try to make some kind of living out of it. Trouble is, I can't do what I need to do in order to stand a chance of making it work because I'm ill... Feels like my life is on hold, but I need to catch up with everything I need to do... Hope I recover fully soon, so that I can get going.