Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, Ena It's definitely helped me to be more positive while still taking practical steps.

Apart from the awesome stuff mentioned above, it has been a quiet week. I have watched a lot of tennis and generally chilled. I went shopping yesterday and bought, in addition to loads of coke, a pack of ice cream cones for £1.50 and some antihistamines. Quite pleased — I didn't buy my favourite sweets, despite them being on special offer, and didn't even look at the Pringles!

Emailed the CV people re my payment on Friday and the office manager says she will chase it up. Need to get a wiggle on and work a lot more on my other writing so that I can earn more income from it. My mum is stressing about my situation and googling more writing jobs which sound exactly like the CV people and probably will result in the same problems. I suppose it's because she can stop worrying about my dad finding a job now — the woman's not satisfied unless she's worrying about something. She thinks I will lose my tax credit because I'm not earning enough atm, despite there being plenty of time for me to earn good money by the end of the year... It's hard to block out her BS when she's nattering on about freelance writing "jobs" (most of them sites like Upwork, where you get paid peanuts and treated with condescension because you're working for peanuts) while I'm trying to read.

However, I do need to wake up and find the energy to write and submit more. My goals for this month have fallen by the wayside and I need to get back on track.

AspiringButAnxious

Got my tax credit today, so paid my rent and put the extra in my fun fund. Still nothing from the CV folk...

Went a bit crazy on my credit card last night, buying cheap ebooks. Also decided to finally buy a new electric toothbrush because mine needs charging after about 3-4min use, so I got one for just under £20 and ordered two books I had planned to order later in the month. Was tempted to buy more ebooks, but managed not to. Instead of feeling guilty, I'm going to enjoy what I've bought. After all, my spending "binges" cost a fraction of what they did a few years ago!

My positive outlook is helping me stay sane. Or rather, sane-ish. I even blogged today Hoping to get going with the novel and rewriting at least one of my works in progress this week.

AspiringButAnxious

Not much to say... Still feeling great and optimistic. Still waiting for payment for CV work. Still spending too much, but nothing major.

I bought a backpack and walking boots so I can start doing some proper training for my Machu Picchu trek. Also got some clothes in Tesco, including replacing the pair of jeans which I had to chuck out because they developed a hole going from the crotch to the back. Want to wear them to jive, if I can move in them, and make more of an effort to dress nicely. Some of the women wear gorgeous dresses, but I get very sweaty and just wouldn't feel comfortable being so dressed up. Jeans and a nice top should do

I'm thinking about doing a Boxercise class on Mondays, to get me out more and help improve my fitness. It's £5.60 a session, so affordable. Just need to psych myself up to go on my own...

I did some writing today for the first time in ages. It felt good. I feel good. Things are going well and I know they will improve as I continue making small changes. My new furniture arrives on Friday, so I have been amping up the decluttering — got rid of a pile of clothes at the weekend and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I read Marie Kondo and while some of ehat she says is a bit weird even for me, I agree with her basic principles. She says our possessions should spark joy and I think that should be true of everything in life, on balance — work, people, activities, etc. I'm working on it!

Paid £180 off the loan today and £25 off my CC. The remaining balance is higher than I would like, but the 'big' purchases I have made are things which will improve my life. I also spent more than I intended on ebooks, but I like the ones I have bought and they are helping me. I have reined in my spending now.

So things are good, I'm happier than I have been in years — perhaps ever — and although the finances have taken a hit, they are under control.

misstara

You sound in such a good place at the moment ABA - loving all the positivity!

crazy_cat_lady

So pleased to see that things are going so well for you at the moment ABA. It's great that you've got so much going on and that you're enjoying things. Hope it lasts a long time.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys I feel so much better, though most of the changes have been mental/spiritual so far.

My new furniture is in place and it makes me very happy All of my stuff is organised and put away neatly. I feel far more relaxed in my room and although more decluttering will be done, I feel lighter for what I have done so far.

I have made an appointment to have my hair cut next week — the first time I will have been to a salon for about 2 years! I want layers cut in, partly to help break up the colour on the lower parts of my hairs, which was pre-lightened when I first went blonde. I will also be seeing my doctor to discuss reducing my medication. I'm hoping this will help me lose weight, since that has been a side effect, but that's a secondary consideration. I feel more stable and happier than I have been for years — despite some pretty big stresses over the past couple of months.

I plan to join my local gym too, which offers a discount for people on tax credits who get free prescriptions. It will cost £25.50 a month, so is a commitment but affordable. I plan to do boxercise and kettle bell classes, starting with one of each and adding another kettle bell class when I feel more comfortable. Scarily, I probably spend that much on coke atm, so I can cut back on that to fund the gym. I think it will be extremely beneficial, both physically and mentally/socially.

I am reading Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, which states that all problems are down to a lack of self-love. The more I think about it, the more I see the truth in this. Most of my debt was accumulated through my impulsive/compulsive spending, which was a way of trying to feel better. I'm very overweight because I tried to smother my emotions with food for years. Again, the more I think about my issues, the more I realise they boil down to how I have treated myself — often in convoluted and complicated ways! But now I have changed my mindset and I'm beginning to love myself, so my problems will be resolved.

So my life is transforming, despite the changes not being apparent to other people — yet. It feels strange, in a good way.

AspiringButAnxious

Things are still ticking along nicely... I now have a layered bob just below chin length and all the dry, pre-lightened hair is gone. Very happy with the result. Going to the hairdresser made me feel I was really looking after myself too, caring about how I look rather than shoving my hair back and sweatpants on and trying to pay no attention to my appearance. I think I lost sight of how important that is.

Went to the doctor this morning and got my medication reduced! :j Hope it goes well.

Not got around to joining the gym yet — partly because I have had a cold. Felt pretty rough last week, but still made it to jive

Been spending more than planned (again) on another top and jeans, some face cream and new trainers which hopefully will help my foot injury. Not spent a disastrous amount, but definitely need to rein it in.

Have been writing a little more Got a writing group email telling us about some online courses, one of which is on rewriting the first draft of a novel. I think I could benefit a lot from it and the course looks good, but I'm hesitating over the £130 fee. It's actually decent value for a writing course, but there is already nearly £300 on my CC and I don't know if it's wise to add to it. The course would be a great investment in myself and my career, on the other hand, so it might be worth paying the interest...

Debt repayment has taken a backseat lately, but I do believe it's important to prioritise other aspects of my life for a while. The theory is that once my health is better, it will positively affect my career and finances. I need to live my life as fully as I can, after years of it being limited by my mental health problems.

Huskyrunner

The trainers definetly can help i suffered like mad with a running related achilles injury. Running in 40 quid Nikes didnt help i now use asic gt1000's they are 70-90 quid a pair i swear by them.

reality_check

Glad everything is on the up for you, you sound much happier and clearly in a better place. When I don't feel great and can't be bothered I still make sure I get in the shower, hair done and make up on and spray some perfume - can work wonders! But my face is scary without make up though so it really is an every day essential for me!! xxx

crazy_cat_lady

You're right. Your entire life can't go on hold for debt repayments. If the course will help for the future then I would go for it...