Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys

My new trainers arrived today and feel great — they are Skechers with memory foam. I had some before and wore them to death, but my dog helped them to the bin by chewing them and the cat by p!ssing in them... Skechers seem to fit my feet much better than any other brand of trainers and the extra padding is recommended for plantar fasciitis, so my feet should feel great from now on!

I found out that there is a competition which could get me free access to the course I want to do, so it might be worth trying my luck. However, the course starts next month and I'm not sure whether the competition winners will be picked in time — I suspect not. The timing would work really well, as it finishes just before my OU photography course starts. I will seek out the competition info and do some thinking over the weekend...

Just got a writing group email with info on upcoming comps and subs, so I'm feeling inspired to enter some of them. I did some writing yesterday, but need to ramp it up.

I'm going to a modern jive freestyle dance tomorrow night with my bff, so I'm looking forward to having lots of fun. It's run by the people who run the class I go to, so hopefully we will know some people there.

Anyhoo, I'm still feeling fabulous and off to throw away my ancient trainers which hurt my feet!

AspiringButAnxious

I joined the gym :j and booked 3 classes next week :j :j :j I think I need to just dive in and start (kinda) as I mean to go on. I might add other classes and/or go to the gym once I'm fitter, but for now my routine will be Body Pump on Mondays, Kettle Bells on Wednesdays and Kettlercise on Fridays Plus jive on Thursdays and walking whenever I can.

Not made any progress on the comp entries... Will try to outline a personal statement before I go shower ready for freestyle jiving tonight

crazy_cat_lady

I used to love going to Body Pump many, many moons ago. Enjoy!

evkizzy

Hello ABA!!! :hello:
It took me just under 9 hours but I've finally read your entire DFD. Wow!

You have achieved so much over the past year or so and you probably don’t realise it but your mood and (with that) your tone changes so much is the darker months than the summer ones. Your SAD is very conspicuous through your writing but you keep going no matter what. When things are going your way, you seem much more grounded and excited at life and are making great progress.

I love that despite your energy and enthusiasm you are human, and, like the rest of us have vices. (Here’s imagining you drinking coke surrounded by huge piles of books. Haha!)

I’m also a vegan... (can’t find a fist bump emoji so...) :beer:

I too was on ESA, after I had a major breakdown during university and was diagnosed with Bipolar (officially) in 2010. I moved in with my partner and the govt. declared that he had to financially support me and that I wasn’t entitled to any benefits. Which seemed grossly unfair to him.

Since then, I set up as self employed (as an artist) and receive WTC to supplement my income. There are times when I am very manic and busy and times when getting out of bed (even as an idea) is physically painful as I believe that I will cause more harm than joy but kicking our mental health issues in the !!! is what life is all about!

We are not behind "everyone else" in the "Life Progress Race" (created entirely in our own paranoid imagination) but we are doing well IN SPITE of our crippling anxiety!!!

Ticking along can be hard enough but progressing to follow your dreams and while getting out of debt is EPIC! :j :T

Ev

Florence_J

evkizzy wrote: »

Hello ABA!!! :hello:
It took me just under 9 hours but I've finally read your entire DFD. Wow!

You have achieved so much over the past year or so and you probably don’t realise it but your mood and (with that) your tone changes so much is the darker months than the summer ones. Your SAD is very conspicuous through your writing but you keep going no matter what. When things are going your way, you seem much more grounded and excited at life and are making great progress.

I love that despite your energy and enthusiasm you are human, and, like the rest of us have vices. (Here’s imagining you drinking coke surrounded by huge piles of books. Haha!)

I’m also a vegan... (can’t find a fist bump emoji so...) :beer:

I too was on ESA, after I had a major breakdown during university and was diagnosed with Bipolar (officially) in 2010. I moved in with my partner and the govt. declared that he had to financially support me and that I wasn’t entitled to any benefits. Which seemed grossly unfair to him.

Since then, I set up as self employed (as an artist) and receive WTC to supplement my income. There are times when I am very manic and busy and times when getting out of bed (even as an idea) is physically painful as I believe that I will cause more harm than joy but kicking our mental health issues in the !!! is what life is all about!

We are not behind "everyone else" in the "Life Progress Race" (created entirely in our own paranoid imagination) but we are doing well IN SPITE of our crippling anxiety!!!

Ticking along can be hard enough but progressing to follow your dreams and while getting out of debt is EPIC! :j :T

Ev

I want to Echo what was said above.

The first post I ever did on MSE was on your diary back in December time. Since then somehow life got in the way and I hadn't managed to get back to your diary till I found it again the other day (when I first joined I didn't know you could subscribe to diarys!) and like Evkizzy I read from where I had posted to where you are now.

You seem transformed from where I left you last year. You are earning money through writing, maybe not as much or as on time as you'd like or in the particular field you'd like but I would love to be able to say I earned any money from writing!

The fact that you did so well in competitions, that you've gotten grants approved and all the rest shows how much people believe in you and i hope you believe in yourself as much as we all do.

Take care ABA, i have learnt how to subscribe to diaries and I won't be letting yours get away from me again. X

evkizzy

And in some odd continuing spiral, Flo’s DFDiary was the first I ever posted on and yours ABA was the first Flo ever posted on.... The cycle of inspiring women continues... stable or otherwise. ;P

I’m excited to see what’s next for you both!

AspiringButAnxious

Aw, thanks guys You have made me smile so much and I'm probably blushing, so my mum's probably wondering what I'm looking at on the iPad!

I missed the comp deadlines... Got caught up with the Olympics! Cried at the gymnastics and the tennis (tears of pride and happiness, though also sympathy for Louis Smith) and felt either too revved up or emotionally drained to concentrate on anything else. I'm having second thoughts about the course too, because I think maybe my novel needs to rest on its own for a while longer. It's probably better to focus on writing the draft of the next one.

I went to my first Bodypump class yesterday and it was what I expected — tough! I sat out a lot of it and felt horribly close to throwing up during the cool down (no idea why I felt worse during the easy bit), but I stuck it out and the instructor said she was impressed with how much I managed to do. That was a surprise — I felt useless during the class and thought everyone would be laughing at the fat girl struggling (inwardly, if not literally). I felt so proud of myself that I burst into tears when I got home! I swear, I never used to cry so much...

Aching today, but not as much as I thought I would. Just as well, since I have kettle bell class tomorrow! I figure that this week will be the hardest — physically and anxiety-wise — and yesterday was the worst, so I can survive. I can't quite believe I'm doing it

Spent more money today — a few cheap dancing dresses and a pair of dance shoes, which was probably around £70-80 total. I don't feel bad or guilty about it though, like I would if I had spent that much on books or food. I enjoyed my freestyle jive on Saturday and need the right clothes if I want to go to more

Really not sure what to do about work. I'm keeping half an eye out for jobs I might be able to do, but there's been nothing suitable. Also saw a job advert for a copywriter in Exeter, but it's full time and I'm not ready to take that leap yet — especially as it would mean commuting for a couple of hours each day. I want to make self-employment work for me, but I'm not sure how.

reality_check

Body pump is horrific!! I took my sister recently and she abandoned me mid class!! Seems like you've caught the gym/exercise bug! I'm a spin class fan and like a good old legs, bums and tums class.

You could always speak to the company wanting a full time copy writer and see if they would accept reduced hours? You never know x

AspiringButAnxious

Lol! Thanks rc — definitely feel good about staying until the end now Trouble is, even if the company is open to reduced hours, my travel expenses would eat up most of my earnings. I learnt that when I used to work part time in a clothes shop in Exeter. I'm keeping faith that the right opportunity/opportunities will arise at the right time for me

I weighed myself this morning, not expecting a difference, and discovered that I have lost 5lbs since last week and 11.5lb overall! I have been eating less, but my diet is by no means perfect so it was a surprise. I aim to continue — I am changing my lifestyle instead of following a diet or programme which implies an end point.

Money stuff... Paid my mum rent plus £50 of what I owe her and £25 off the cc. I won't be spending as much as I have lately, so should be able to pay down both over the next 2/3 months. Quicker if I get my cv work payments, but I have learnt not to hold my breath on that...

AspiringButAnxious

Not a lot to say... Had 2nd BP class last night and managed to keep up with most of it. Also did 2 kettle bell classes last week, so have been to every class as planned This means my worst week, where the gym is concerned, is over — from now on, my fitness and anxiety will improve, so doing exercise classes will be easier. Still challenging, mind you, but easier!

My bff is on holiday this week, so I think I'm going to go to jive alone. I need the practice, so staying home is not the best option. Besides, I'm used to the class now and know several people, so the anxiety should be under control.

Been on reduced medication for 10 days now and it's going really well — not noticed a drop in my mood or anything. The opposite, actually. I also got some writing done yesterday; last week was marvellously unproductive because I was preoccupied with worrying about gym classes. Even entered a comp

Nothing really to say money-wise, except that I have cut down to 1 Pepsi Max and 1 Tesco orangeade a day, so that will save me loads. Not stressing about unpaid invoices or CC balance, because they don't matter in the grand scheme of things. My mental health, fitness and (fiction) writing career are my current priorities.