Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks doingit I survived the walk, but my feet are messed up even worse than they were before...

Blogged yesterday for the first time in weeks, so I feel like things are beginning to move again. Also emailed my resignation to the CV folk.

I decided to do the novel editing course I read about the other day, but discovered that they only accept direct debit payments. I have transferred the money from my RDF, but it's not in my current account yet and I have a 10% discount code which is only valid until the end of today. Hoping things will fall into place, otherwise I will either have to pay full price (only another £13, but annoying) or divert the money to pay off more of my cc balance, which is currently £388. My gut is telling me to do the course — especially as there's a novel opening competition with a deadline at the end of this year and it would be great to enter.

Ugh. I think I need to learn to listen to my instincts more — things usually work out better when I do, even if it doesn't seem logical.

doingitanyway

You doing so well with your exercise inspired me to get off the sofa and go to zumba tonight. Glad i did.

AspiringButAnxious

Aw, thanks, doing it! Didn't feel much like going to kettlebells this evening, but forced myself to go and was glad I did. The rest of my body was in so much discomfort that I forgot about the massive blisters on my feet for 45 minutes — but then I had to walk home and the blister pain kicked in again!

Ended up taking out a small planned overdraft so I could enrol on the novel editing course today... Only to be told my discount code had expired. Oh well, at least it will give me some focus and hopefully help me whip my novel draft into shape. The OD will come in handy too, since I have writer group subs to pay within the next 2 weeks (£35 for the whole year, so good value).

I'm reading one of the ebooks I bought in the past week, called 5:2 your life. It applies the principles of the 5:2 diet (which I have no interest in following) to other areas of your life. There is a programme to follow, but the book also helps you create your own plan, which is the option I will be following. Not sure yet what my specific goals will be, but writing/career will play a huge role. I'm hoping my work/career decisions will be less daunting once I have a plan in place.

I'm feeling a bit less overwhelmed now I've gotten a few tasks out of the way. Too many little, nagging worries were taking up mindspace!

AspiringButAnxious

Woke up at 4am on Friday with a sickness bug. Horrible few days, but feeling a little more human now. Cancelled bodypump yesterday and tomorrow's kettlebells, since I feel pretty weak. Got a busy weekend coming up, so don't want to push myself too far.

On the bright side, I have lost a few more lbs and am using the sickness bug as a way of resetting my eating habits — so I'm reducing my portion sizes, which is fairly easy since my stomach is still tender, but will hopefully set a new precedent. My feet are also getting a good rest, after I battered them last week.

Of course, being out of action means I have fallen behind on my to-do list... I'm focusing on little things, but there is a deadline next week that I'm determined to hit. I'm also making an effort to look after myself and do the things which help me stay in control, like meditation.

I couldn't take my medication for 3 days and didn't notice a difference in my mental health symptoms, which bodes well for coming off them altogether. Got a doctor's appointment a week today to discuss it Feeling positive, especially since I've coped well with PMT over the past week.

Feeling nervous about my first writing group meeting on Saturday. Should be fine — great, actually — especially since I have met most of the other members (who are all lovely) and been to the meeting place for the open day. It will be great to feel supported and motivated again, too.

So not much going on. Money-wise, I bought a few ebooks, spending over the £15 balance I had. One has already been helpful though and I think the other 2 will help me as well. Viewing it as an investment: the better I feel, the more able I am to find ways to earn money.

doingitanyway

The exercise is doing you good. (Your feet will heal) You are sounding positive. Good luck with the writing group.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks doingit

I've beentearing through my to-do list this week Got a story to present at my first writing group meeting tomorrow — nervous as hell, but also excited!

Felt well enough to walk to meet my mum from work on Wednesday (and needed to pop to cash point) and went to Kettlercise today, so my exercising is back on track. Ended up going to jive alone again last night, because my friend was ill. It went okay, despite my nerves. My new dance shoes are horribly painful, but hopefully will feel better once I've broken them in.

I also got my first solo writing client! I'm doing a CV for the husband of one of my dad's colleagues. Felt really nervous about phoning him today, but got through it fine

On a different note, my dog decided to wet my bed last night — I woke up at 6:30pm when my leg rolled into the enormous wet patch... I only changed my sheets 3 days ago, too! Grrrr! Never mind, it's been sorted, my quilt has been washed and I get fresh sheets again

AspiringButAnxious

It's been an up and down few days... Had my first writing group meeting on Saturday, which went well despite the traffic being atrocious. Was supposed to go out that evening, but my friend was ill. I reacted badly, because I had been looking forward to going out and was relying on it to distract me from the anniversary of my dog's death on Monday and her birthday on Tuesday. Was also annoyed at myself for not having the confidence to go alone — I would have known a few people there, but not well.

Went to Bodypump on Monday, which was good — I'm definitely getting stronger Had some low moments, but got through the difficult days. Also went to the doctor yesterday and got the go ahead to come off my medication! I'm going to have a dose on alternate days for a couple of weeks, then stop. Feeling really happy about it Was smiling despite being caught in a thunderstorm walking home from the doctor — smight have hummed Singin' in the Rain...

Writing has gone badly over the past few days, probably because of the difficult anniversaries. I'm probably going to miss a deadline today that I had a good story idea for, because the story isn't complete. Trying not to beat myself up about it.

Paid my mum £100 today, which covers rent and some of what I have spent shopping on Saturday — needed more Malibu and got some junk food because my friend was coming to mine before we went out. Have since eaten most of it...

Still need to figure out how to earn more money and what to do about work, but haven't been able to think about it much lately.

doingitanyway

well done for going to the writing group alone

well done for keeping up the exercise. i am away for a bit and can't wait to get back to zumba.

creative work is about good and bad days. the trick is to keep going...

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, doingit

I have spent loads over the past few days — nearly £250 on clothes and £80 on a pair of shoes. £150 of the clothes is on my Very account, to be paid in 9 months, but the rest went on the credit card. Not sure how I feel about it — I know in black and white MSE terms it would be bad, but I wanted some smarter clothes because I am getting out more and feel so much better about my life. I would also be able to wear the clothes if I got an office job or something, so that's in the back of my mind.

I'm off my antidepressants now and have been cutting back on my fizzy drink consumption as of yesterday, so my wellbeing is better than ever. I'm keeping up the gym classes and plan to walk more this week, starting with the 4 mile round trip to meet my mum from work today.

I plan to enter a short story competition this week and there are a few more deadlines I'd like to meet next week, so that's some more expense/investment. Really need to figure out what to do re career and money. I'm scared of working in a "proper" job again — I don't know what impact it will have on my mental health, so that's a major concern. Trying to have faith that the right opportunities will turn up at the right time, but the uncertainty is stressful.

Nothing else to report... Just focusing on my health atm and trying to create some kind of life now I can get out more.

chanie

Good for you. Sometimes I think you just have to live life and not be so MSE all the time. As long as you keep on top of your debts, that's the main thing.