Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Ordered £5 Amazon voucher from SB yesterday I haven't done much for ages, so the points were amassed mainly through search wins. Going to try to save it for all the kids' presents coming up in Oct-Dec, but we'll see!

Paid my mum £90 today. Still less than I should be paying, but should be able to pay £100 next week.

Still no sign of my invoice payments. Going to give it another few weeks and then contact CAB to see what I can do. Situation is made more irritating by the emails from the CV folk asking for writers to help with urgent orders — I would if I knew I would get paid!

Decided I will definitely go to jive alone tomorrow. I can always leave early if it gets too difficult and it will be a great way to challenge myself.

Got Kettle bells class this evening. Hoping to see an improvement from last week. My weight loss is slower than predicted, despite my eating a lot more healthily and reducing portion sizes. Hoping it will drop fast, but determined not to obsess over it. At my current weight, I should be able to lose at least 4lb a week at the beginning of my plan, so I'm disappointed. Have lost some inches though, so that's good.

I'm getting impatient to transform my life! I'm at the stage where I want things to change quickly, but can't actually make those changes fast enough. The changes that I am making, like going to the gym, also take up a lot of "worry time" which means I'm not doing anything more productive for large chunks of my days. I'm not as anxious as I used to be, but it's still there and it still uses up valuable time.

Florence_J

Well done you on being brave enough to go to Jive tomorrow! I suffer from social anxieties most of all so going somewhere challenging on my own is usually a No No but I am getting braver as well.

I know how frustrating it is when you want to be the new version of yourself and the scales aren't co operating. But as I'm sure you know, losing a small amount like 0.5-1 pounds a week means the weight will stay off, whereas losing a lot each week means the weight loss is more likely to be put back on. Again, I'm sure you know this but Muscle weighs more than Fat does, so take your measurements as well each week. You may find the scales say you've lost nothing that week but the tape measure says you've lost an inch on your waist.

Good luck x

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks, Florence I did know that stuff, but it's good to be reminded! It's just frustrating that I could be losing more weight per week healthily, since my current weight is so high, but not much is happening. I would be thrilled if I were 150lbs and trying to lose 15-20lb, but I'm 250lb and was hoping for a kickstart.

Really nervous about jive tonight, but figured it won't be as bad as starting exercise classes. I know the venue, the coaches and several classmates, plus most people are very friendly.

I keep reading job vacancies for office work and feel my gut protesting against it. It's partly because most of the vacancies are full time or would involve travelling, but I think it might indicate that I need to stick with writing and give it a fair shot. Or perhaps that's an excuse and I'm just lazy!

I emailed a local mental health charity which works with teenagers and young people, offering my volunteering services. It will do me good to get involved with something so close to my heart. Guess I'll have to wait and see what happens.

I suppose I should figure out a strategy re work/writing. Not sure how to start though.

AspiringButAnxious

I went to jive! And stayed to the end :j Had a few wobbly moments, but survived

Shine has been taken off my mood by my mum coming home from work and having a go at me about not getting the money I'm owed by the CV folk. I am a little behind on paying what I owe my parents, but my tax credits cover my standard loan repayment and rent. She then had a go saying I will lose the tax credits if I don't earn money...

I'm already stressed about the situation and struggling not to let me affect me too much, so her keeping on at me is worse than unhelpful — it's destructive. I had a look on the CAB website, but could only find info on not getting paid if you are employed, as opposed to a self-employed person with a contract. I emailed the CV folk and listed what is owed, when it was owed and commented that I want it paid before I have to take legal action. Don't know what else I can do.

Wish I felt more in control of my work/financial situation. Feeling a bit stuck.

doingitanyway

AspiringButAnxious wrote: »

I'm already stressed about the situation and struggling not to let me affect me too much, so her keeping on at me is worse than unhelpful — it's destructive. /QUOTE]

Is there anyway you can say this to her. You are doing so well right now so it's important to keep your mood high. Well done on going to jive alone.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks doingit I pointed it out to her at the time, but she just got stroppy... Might try to bring it up when her mood's a bit better!

Anyhoo, the email did the trick — I have been paid almost 2/3 of what I'm owed, £196.50! :j Meant I could pay my mum £100 and pay £100 off the cc. Feel a lot better now it's taken a bit of the pressure off. Will find out exactly how much I owe my mum later and feel even more in control.

Spent less than £10 shopping today — a pair of support shorts which I hope to wear to jive freestyles (if they fit comfortably and I can move) and some fizzy drink.

Went to Kettlercise yesterday and managed to make it through. The instructor said I'm keeping up well and she doesn't just say that, apparently. I'm glad, cos It doesn't feel like it! Everyone else in the class is size 8-10, or 12 at the most, and there I am lumbering in my size 18 workout gear... They probably look at me and expect me to give up after 2 minutes.

Had a good dog walk today and plan to go on a long one with my mum tomorrow, when dad and bro are at golf. Need to add more cardio to my routine — think I will probably walk up to meet my mum from work on non-gym days, which will be 3-4 miles depending on my timing and whether I meet her as she's already walking.

Also found out that I'm having an article published on a short story website in a couple of weeks. It's non-paying, but is good for exposure and practice. The site is pretty well regarded and my article will be kicking off the new academic year

Orange_Ena

Well done on chasing up the pay that you're owed, great that you've got some at least, but terrible that you've had to wait.

And congratulations on your article, that's brilliant.

All sounding very positive ABA, lovely to read this

crazy_cat_lady

It's all sounding brilliant ABA. There's a lot of positivity here, and you didn't let your mum get to you in a stressful situation. You got the money that you were owed (or most of it), and please stop being hard on yourself with the exercise. I promise you people aren't looking at you, and even if they are then that means they aren't focussing on their own stuff enough.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys

Realised that CV folk paid me a little more than my very overdue invoice, which means the remaining money they owe me is below the £100 threshold... So sick of dealing with them that I think I will just send a resignation email and ask for remaining money owed to be paid ASAP. It's really not worth the hassle of taking on more orders and extending my dealings with them.

Meanwhile, I have to figure out my work/career strategy...

I got a £10 Amazon voucher yesterday, which brings my balance up to £15

Updated my account with my mum, so I now know that while I managed to pay off everything I spent shopping this month, I only managed to pay a measly £14 off the loan. It does take me to 16% repaid though Will be strict about paying my mum first from now on and cutting my spending on things which don't provide me with value. Won't be able to save anything unless I figure out ways of earning money though, circling back to my major problem atm.

There was no Bodypump yesterday cos of the bank holiday, so I went on longer walks on Sunday and yesterday. Also plan to meet my mum walking home from work today, which will be a 4 mile round walk.

Feeling pretty good, despite being a little premenstrual... Made appointment with my doctor in a couple of weeks, to discuss coming off medication altogether. I'm hoping that will help me lose weight, especially around my middle — I used to be small around the middle, even when I was a size 16/18, until I started taking antidepressants. It wasn't a priority when I was very ill, but now I'm controlling my mental health with other methods, I would like to avoid medication and its side effects.

doingitanyway

Well done on the exercise. It takes effort but it's worth it. I was going to spend my evening on the sofa but might drag my behind to yoga now...