Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys helsbell — it doesn't feel like I have achieved much at all, so I think maybe I should read my own thread! I suppose that's the case with most people; it doesn't feel like you're progressing until you stop and look back.

My payment from the CV folk is now 21 days late :mad: I emailed them yesterday, but haven't received a reply. At least getting tax credits is stopping me from stressing.

I have actually done a couple of productive things today, which makes a change! I need to get going if I want to achieve my goals for the next 6 weeks. I have drafted a short story, so hope to rewrite and submit that soon. Also have another draft almost finished and an old story to rewrite.

Just wish I was moving faster and getting more done.

AspiringButAnxious

Still struggling :mad: Wasted sooooooo much time this week, but haven't had the energy to do anything. I'm not sleeping very well either, which exacerbates the situation.Took loads of effort just to change my bedclothes.

Pay is now 25 days late. Apologetic email from office manager says financial department is working through all due invoices, but can't say when individual writers will get paid. At least I know it will come eventually, but I wanted to boost my rainy day fund and I think doing so will help motivate me, so it's annoying that it's being delayed. The CV orders situation is making me want to find alternative ways to earn money through writing, but I don't feel up to doing the necessary research and work involved atm.

I paid off the remaining £80 on my credit card on Wednesday, so that's one less worry. I also arranged to start jive classes with my bff — our first class will be on Thursday. I'm a bit nervous, but I'm so frustrated with the way I'm feeling that I'm desperate to shake things up asap.

Trying to be optimistic and gain some positives, but it's difficult. I have cut right down on junk food — decided I don't mind spending more on coke as long as I'm not stuffing myself with crisps and sweets.Think it's better to tackle one bad habit at a time!

Feeling very much like I am swimming against the tide...

doingitanyway

I really admire your efforts to be self sufficient and keep well. You are doing an amazing job. Stay strong ((hugs))

crazy_cat_lady

Sorry I've not been around for a bit ABA. I just wanted to say that you need to try and stop being so hard on yourself. You've made massive steps forward over the months I've known you. You've set loads of goals, so instead of beating yourself up if you don't achieve them all - please celebrate when you do achieve something. Sounds to me like you're getting lots done. x

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys Your encouragement means a lot to me :hugs:

Still not been paid :mad: now 29 days late...

I have plonked £80 in my Rainy Day Fund, putting what I owe my mum for shopping on hold for a week or so, which feels a lot better. Having something in my accounts helps me feel more in control and as much as I want to pay off the loan asap, the interest paid will still be the same so I might as well prioritise saving. Although I obviously want to overpay the loan whenever I can, too!

I spent £10.73 on 2 ebooks on money management yesterday I know it sounds silly, but reading these books will motivate me to spend less in the long term. I also spent £1.49 on ingame purchases, since I have become addicted to a new iPad game, but that was a one-off to cheer me up. Promise!

Got my first jive class with my bff tomorrow night, which I am anticipating with excitement and some nerves. It should be fun and very amusing, since I am the most clumsy and uncoordinated person ai know.

Given the late payments for CV work, I have decided to focus on my other writing, especially fiction. I don't get much less on tax credits than I did on esa, so I have some freedom to give it a try. As much As I want to earn more asap, I can't work my @rse off on relatively boring, menial work for not much pay and invoices paid a month (hopefully not more, please!) late. It makes more sense to concentrate on the type of writing I want to do in the medium-long term, especially since the pay should be a bit better if I'm successful.

The payment situation is contributing a lot to my low mood atm. It's horrible to be owed money and not know when you can expect it to be paid. Anyway, hopefully my change of focus and jive classes will drag me out of this slump!

AspiringButAnxious

Got £15 Amazon voucher and £5 paypal today Treated myself to several ebooks

Curbed my spending when shopping — just one tube of Pringles, in addition to the coke and orangeade I'm allowing myself to buy.

Jive class was fabulous and very, very challenging. It involves a lot of skills I am terrible at: balancing, coordination, sense of rhythm, short term memory, touching strangers... Yet I wasn't very anxious — far less anxious than I expected. The bff enjoyed it, too. Will definitely be going to the next session!

Feeling much better today, despite not having been very productive. Life has taken an upturn

AspiringButAnxious

Changes are afoot... I have just read a book called Get Rich, Lucky B!tch and it really resonated with me. It uses law of attraction principles combined with practicality. I felt so inspired that I'm now reading the author's first book, Lucky B!tch!

I'm approaching this as an experiment and I'm very curious to see what happens. My first step has been to order some new bedroom furniture, because my existing furniture is broken, mismatched and, in the case of my wardrobe, smells of the shed where it spent several years before I reclaimed it. The idea is that the universe will provide me with the means to pay for the furniture (though I have contingency plans in place). So that's my challenge: to find/receive the £640 required.

My other money manifestation goals are:
• To receive £1000 this month
• To have £1500 in my EF by the end of 2016
• To have £1500 in my RDF by the end of 2016
• To reduce my debt to £6000 by the end of 2016

Obviously these are audacious goals, but I'm ready to transform my life and if an experiment is worth doing, it's worth doing on a huge scale.

One of the principles in the book is to acknowledge every penny you receive, which I am doing in the planner I use to track my life goals. So far, £20 for doing my brother's CV has been manifested.

Unfortunately, the money I'm owed by the CV writing company has not yet manifested, but the book makes it clear that I should focus on the outcome of my goals and not be attached to how they will be achieved so I'm trying not to get hung up on it.

I know this will sound very weird to a lot of you, but the principles align with my core beliefs and unlike other self-development books, the focus is on practical considerations like decluttering, planning, preparation, seizing opportunities, taking action to work towards your goals, etc. If you think I'm crazy, that's fine — but please don't share your negativity with me.

I'm also exploring the idea of doing a charity trek to Machu Picchu. I have wanted to do it for years, but the thought of doing it and meeting the fundraising target always put me off. However, I know that being scared is usually a sign that I should do something, so I'm open to the possibility. Watch this space...

As you can tell, I am feeling a lot more positive and optimistic! I am working towards massive goals and feel like the universe is working with me.

reality_check

I am a big believer in the Law of Attraction! I definetly believe that we attract what we desire by sending out positive thoughts into the universe...


I like the sound of the book, might have to treat myself come pay day!

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks RC So far, it seems similar to how I think about karma: even if it doesn't work on a mystical level, which I believe it does, it works on a practical level.

My dad got a new job today, after taking redundancy 2 weeks ago. It pays a little more and I credit the CV and cover letter I wrote for him, so in return I asked for a huge favour... I wanted my parents to lend me another £1036 so that I can:
a). Pay off my Very account in one go, instead of worrying about timing payments to avoid interest, making my cashflow easier to manage
b). To pay the deposit and recommended insurance for the Machu Picchu trek, which is 16% cheaper atm, saving £60

It was a bit cheeky, but... They agreed! So I'm definitely going to Machu Picchu, which has been a dream for years. :j

Of course, now the hard work starts. I need to:
• Earn/make/save/receive the remaining balance for Machu Picchu, which is £1950 due in just over 8 months
• Train, focusing on endurance
• Lose weight, which will hopefully minimise the chances of injury in training and on the trek
• Buy the equipment I need — a quick scan of Amazon has revealed most of it to be cheaper than I budgeted, which is good
• Get fundraising for Amnesty International!

I'm soooooo excited! I'm passionate about human rights and the trip includes a visit to a local Amnesty group, to find out about their work, which is awesome. I'm self funding, so every penny I raise will go towards the cause. I think my fundraising activities will do me good, in terms of my confidence and wellbeing. The training will also help my mental and physical health.

It's also a relief to be able to pay for the new furniture at my own pace, although I want to pay my parents back pretty quickly. I have been decluttering in preparation and can't wait to have a tranquil bedroom environment, rather than broken furniture. I believe it will help my mental state.

I now owe my parents £13,236.51 and have renamed my sealed savings pot (not the one in my sig) 'Machu Picchu Trek Fund'.

I received £3.25 today, from OpOp, and hope to receive more money soon. Not least because my tax credit gets paid tomorrow!

I have been working on my writing and now have 2 short stories which I am rewriting and hope to submit soon. I also need to get cracking on the novel.

Feeling more inspired and motivated Ready to change my life

Orange_Ena

Wow, that's wonderful news ABA, congratulations on all the good stuff :T

I think I'll have to add that book to my wish list, sounds like it's worth a read