Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys Things are definitely looking up!

Trouble is, I have gotten myself into a stress-exhaustion cycle. I stress about stuff, which means I can't be as proactive as I'd like because it paralyses me, which makes me more stressed because I haven't done anything, which means I don't sleep very well, which means I'm too tired to do much, which makes me stressed again... Trying to break it, but it's easier said than done.

It doesn't help that I have a lot to figure out:
• How to divide my time between different writing projects/work, i.e. what to focus on
• How to market my business — both copywriting and the ebooks I self-publish
• How to earn enough money to cover my expenses over the next few months (difficult because I haven't done much CV work, thanks to the eye operation and the payment situation, not to mention how late my payments might be in future...)

I paid £200 to my parents yesterday and gave them a set of figurines which my research shows to be worth at least what I pay for rent. I did say that if they sell for more than that anytime soon, I want a cut! I have my cheque from the writing comp ready to pay in tomorrow and that will go towards the credit card once it clears. I might end up paying some interest on the cc, since I put the £200 photography course fee on it and don't have great hopes of getting enough to cover it. Maybe not the most MSE thing to do, but having it paid for makes a huge difference to my state of mind — I have something to look forward to at the end of the year and feel that I'm continuing to invest in myself.

As you can see from my sig, I actually have over £30 in my savings pot thanks to donations from my friends for food and drink at the weekend. I technically owe this to my parents, but I want to start going to dance classes once a week and I'm going out for my friend's birthday in a few weeks, so it's handy to have the cash. I should get some money tomorrow for my birthday, but not sure how much. I might pay my mum back a little more, once I know what I have and figure out the budget.

I feel a little.out of control and very guilty, since I owe my parents more and have a large cc balance. When I step back, I can realise that I have much better earning potential than at any previous time in my life and my debt is a lot less (£2000+) than it was a year ago, but it feels like I have gone backwards. It's weird — I think of £316 (soon to be £226) as a large credit card balance nowadays, but it was £6-7000 last year and back then I would have thought of £1000 as a low balance. How times change! I suppose I'm coming to terms with the uncertainty of coming off esa.

I'm going to make an effort to switch off and focus on my fiction when I do my short story course next week. I owe it to Arvon for giving me a £500 grant and I owe it to myself. My financial problems will still be there when I get home!

Orange_Ena

Just catching up ABA and delighted to read you got paid from your CV work and that you won a writing competition :T Brilliant stuff.

chanie

When I'm really busy at work, my head seems to jump from one thing to another and I can't see the wood for the trees. I find that writing down everything I need to do, helps,put it in perspective and I realise it isn't as bad as it may seem.

I normally break my work into bitesize pieces and focus on one step at a time, as changing tasks helps to keep my energy levels up.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys

I got my mum to work out how much I owe her (in addition to the loan) today... After several deductions (putting the £200 I paid her this week towards the extra debt, instead of the loan, and selling her some food and drink I didn't use), I got it down to £35. That's easier to face than the original amount!

I got £50 for my birthday, so now have £46 in my savings pot. I want to keep hold of it for now, because I want to go out with my friends in a few weeks and start doing a weekly dance class without drawing out any more money. I need to be strict with myself when it comes to spending in general, but doing the dance class will me get fit and it will be good for me to socialise a little more. Areas to cut down on: ebooks, junk food and fizzy drink.

I'm giving myself permission to focus on my short story writing until I get back from the course. I think that will do me good in the long run. Then, I will hit the CV work hard! I just don't want to jeopardise getting as much out of the course as I can by stressing about CV orders.

I think I need some time to regain persepctive after all the recent stress. I need to remind myself of all of my goals, instead of obsessing over a single aspect of my work.

crazy_cat_lady

And don't forget to be kind to yourself as well. Don't expect too much, just one little thing at a time. You're doing fantastic

reality_check

All sounds like it is going in the right direction for you, I'm glad

With giving up on fizzy juice, junk etc the best method I have found is just cutting it out completely. I find that allowing myself little bits makes me crave it even more and then results in a massive junk food binge! So what works best for me is snacking on fruit, nuts and extra veg at meal times to fill me up. I do have horrific will power though, so you may have more self control than me and can limit yourself xx

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys RC — think that would probably be best for me, too. Have to be strict with myself!

So.... The Arvon course was wonderful. Excellent value for money, even if I had paid the full amount instead of getting a grant. It was intense, challenging and inspiring. I caved in and joined the alcohol pool — they give you free wine the first night, which weakened my resolve! Glad I did, in some ways, because it made me relax and chat to people more. It was only £15, so not bad for 4 nights (5 including the free one!) of drinking much more than I do at home.

Coming home to my current financial situation hasn't been fun, but I feel less stressed about it now. Just have to work hard for the next few months and try to sell stuff and do more surveys and hope for a miracle... Lol! I am due to be paid on Tuesday, but obviously am not expecting it to be on time...

AspiringButAnxious

Entered a story in a competition yesterday

Trying to focus on the good stuff atm, rather than stressing about stuff I can't control. Easier said than done!

AspiringButAnxious

6 days late getting paid...

CC is currently at £445

Got £25 vouchers, which I gave my Mum towards what I owe her, but also spent some more on junk food and Pepsi when we went shopping.

Been really lethargic all week, not helped by hayfever, so haven't done much. Hoping to find some energy and motivation this week.

Considering using £300 of EF to reduce the CC balance. Don't want to get stuck paying loads of interest (again) and given the current pay situation, I can't rely on making a substantial payment anytime soon. Maybe I should use £400 of EF to make things easier? I hate to eat into my savings, but I was planning to use them to make the transition from esa more bearable if needed. I think the time has come to accept that I need to use it.

I'm trying not to indulge in rescue fantasies or variations thereof (winning the lottery, rich benefactor, scooping big short story prizes), but it's clear that something's not working atm. Even when I manage to do CV work, I won't see the payment for weeks. Makes me wonder if I have my priorities wrong. Perhaps I should focus on what I'm best at: fiction. Not that I'm earning a lot from that, either.

Beginning to feel a little down about the whole situation, which makes it harder to get motivated to change things.

AspiringButAnxious

Grrr... If I want to withdraw money from my EF, I will have to print off a form and post it = pain in the @rse. Think I might do what I can to pay the CC balance without using the EF and only use my savings as a last resort.

I'm beginning to wake up today (takes 2/3 hours!) and intend to do as much as I can to improve my situation this week:
• Post on blog
• Do at least 2 CV orders per day
• Work on my short stories, as several deadlines are coming up
• Be more proactive in SBing and taking surveys
• Take time to meditate every day and keep stress levels down