Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Relief! I just logged onto my bank account and found money from tax credits — including the backdated amount for the past several weeks. My weekly amount isn't a lot less than I got on ESA, so I have some security and don't need to worry quite so much if health problems get in the way of my work.

I paid £300 off the cc, which leaves £156 to be paid out of my wages, when the invoice gets paid. I also paid this month's rent and loan payment to my mum and will pay the balance of whatever extra I owe her sometime this month — I don't think it's a huge amount, but I need to check how much I owe with her after she adds on what I spent at shopping last week.

Once the cc is cleared, my priorities are:
1. Save as much as I can in my rainy day fund
2. Make an extra loan payment to my mum to cover the one I had to skip last month

I feel so much better. I was really subdued yesterday; the stress of not knowing if/when I could cover even the minimum payment on the cc was taking its toll. That's one of the most annoying things about mental illness: while you can feel bad for no reason and feel bad even when good things happen, bad things happening tend to have a catastrophic effect,

Now the pressure is off, I hope to be able to work more and more efficiently. Including doing more fiction writing.

Orange_Ena

Really glad to read that you're feeling better ABA, long may it continue

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks Ena I still feel like I'm progressing too slowly, but at least I'm moving forward...

I realised today that my next loan payment will take my debt down to an even £12k, which is pretty motivating. I can only imagine how great it will be when I get under £10k. I want to pay it off as quickly as I can, but I need to prioritise saving right now. I want to hit my £500 rainy day fund target first, put a little in my fun fund (around £70 would be a great start) and then work on getting my EF up to £1000, adding to my nest egg and overpaying my loan.

I just wish I had more energy and motivation. I know it's only been a couple of days since the tax credit uncertainty was resolved, so maybe I'm being tough on myself, but I need to put in more hours of CV work and my other writing projects.I'm also feeling anxious about tomorrow, which will involve meeting loads of people I don't know and probably spending a few hours on my own in the city centre. Part of me wants to cancel everything, but I know it's in my best interests to go to the writing group open day and I would feel awful not joining my friend for birthday drinks.

AspiringButAnxious

Writing group open day went well and I applied to join yesterday, so fingers crossed! After the open day, my day was disastrous — anxiety got the better of me and instead of meeting my friends, I ended up having a panic attack and going home. Then I felt guilty, frustrated and angry at myself. Not fun.

This week is plodding along. I paid £80 off the CC today and paid my mum the £10 I owed her. That leaves £80 on the CC to be covered by my CV work payment, which is currently 15 days late... When it finally does arrive, I can put some money back in my Rainy Day Fund and (re)start working towards the £500 target.

I'm feeling very subdued. I'm disappointed about my anxiety getting the better of me, especially as I have been doing so well lately. I'm lethargic and unmotivated, which also makes me frustrated that I'm not being more productive.

Huskyrunner

AspiringButAnxious wrote: »

Writing group open day went well and I applied to join yesterday, so fingers crossed! After the open day, my day was disastrous — anxiety got the better of me and instead of meeting my friends, I ended up having a panic attack and going home. Then I felt guilty, frustrated and angry at myself. Not fun.

This week is plodding along. I paid £80 off the CC today and paid my mum the £10 I owed her. That leaves £80 on the CC to be covered by my CV work payment, which is currently 15 days late... When it finally does arrive, I can put some money back in my Rainy Day Fund and (re)start working towards the £500 target.

I'm feeling very subdued. I'm disappointed about my anxiety getting the better of me, especially as I have been doing so well lately. I'm lethargic and unmotivated, which also makes me frustrated that I'm not being more productive.

i know that feeling well i am struggling too be productive or leave the house

misstara

Glad the open day went well but sorry to hear about your panic attack. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks guys

I have been trying to figure out how to increase my motivation without also increasing stress and anxiety. It's still in progress, but I have decided to rejiggle some of my goals for this year and have chosen to focus on these for the next 6 weeks (until 1st August):

• Get my Rainy Day Fund up to £500, by any means necessary! This should help the stress levels, as I will have more savings (yay!) and they are more easily accessible than my EF.

• Write a first draft of the novel I have had in the back of my mind for months. Rewriting my existing novel draft was going very slowly and bringing me (further) down, so a fresh project should bring me more energy.

• Submit 12 stories, bring total for the year up to 15/25. This will be tricky, but could involve rewriting some existing stories and resubmitting anything which has been rejected. I also want to finish the ones currently in different stages of development.

• Do a little yoga every day. I also want to increase my cardio exercise, since it usually has a fantastic impact on my mental health.

• Start going to modern jive classes with my bff.

I have also been thinking about goals for the second half of the year, but have only one for definite:

• Reduce loan to £10,000 or under

It's actually more of a refinement of my original goal to keep paying my debt, overpaying when possible. I will look at the other goals I set at the start of the year and check whether they need refining or changing. After all, there have been changes since I made them!

I think I feel better already — things are clearer in my mind and I feel like I'm casting off goals which aren't helpful for me atm. A lot more needs to be considered, but I hope I will feel motivated, energised and inspired very soon

AspiringButAnxious

Forgot to mention — spent around £40 yesterday, on Fathers day, junk food, cola and stocking up on toiletries. It's the first time in over 18 months that I have bought shampoo, conditioner and shower gel, since I was using up my stockpile, so can't complain!

scubaangel

Not been around for a while, sorry to see you've been having a bad time but hope that the rejigging of your goals helps to keep you both focussed and stop you getting too stressed.

Massive grrr to the CV people for paying you late again though, so unfair of them.

helsbell

Just read your diary from start to finish. You have achieved a lot in a very short space of time.

Well done :j