Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay less towards a wedding gift?

Nick_C

Personally, I think its silly for people to spend a lot of money on their weddings, but I went to a fabulous one last year. With the coach to the venue in the countryside, champagne and canapes on arrival, a three course meal, open bar, and a disco, it must have cost at least £40 to £50 a head to provide.

This was also work related, and a group present was suggested at £30 each. I went along with this, but I didn't think it was enough, and bought an additional personal present.

I think wedding lists are a great idea. You know that the B&G are getting something that they really want and will use, and you are helping them to set up their home together. The lists I've bought from have always had a wide variety of values.

I do think you should try to repay the hospitality of the parents by buying a gift of significant value. But only if you can afford it of course!
I could easily spend £100 a head on a night out in the West End, so don't have a problem spending a significant amount on a wedding present.

I know lots of people spend around £20K on a wedding. I think it would be better spending that on helping to buy or furnish a home.

I guess its the women who want the big wedding. I spent about £300 total on our civil partnership, including the registry office fees. As we had already been together over 10 years I wanted the minimum of fuss. If we could have just popped into the office on our own and signed a piece of paper we would have happily done so. Apart from the Registrar's fees, the rest went on a nice lunch for us and our two witnesses.

fairy_lights

I don't mind people requesting money instead of presents, it's not usually asked in a 'give me cash' sort of way but more of a 'if you did want to get me something, please just give cash as we already have everything we need, but don't feel obliged' which I think is fair enough.
I do however find the poems people send out asking for money a bit weird - why can't they just ask, why does it have to be put in the form of rhyme?? It's just weird and twee and cringey.

Fujiko

fairy_lights wrote: »

I don't mind people requesting money instead of presents, it's not usually asked in a 'give me cash' sort of way but more of a 'if you did want to get me something, please just give cash as we already have everything we need, but don't feel obliged' which I think is fair enough.
I do however find the poems people send out asking for money a bit weird - why can't they just ask, why does it have to be put in the form of rhyme?? It's just weird and twee and cringey.

A silly question I know, but if they already have everything they need what do they want the cash for? Painting the house? A holiday? All these problems with wedding presents make me long for the days of a wedding list at a department store!

Cimscate

Personally I think £50 each is a huge amount of money for a wedding present unless you are parents of the bride and groom. I have lots of nieces and nephews who have married and reckon to spend about £25 tops. I don't know the circumstances obviously, is that an accepted amount in the circle you are in?


I'd suggest saying something like you've already planned your gift and would prefer to do it separately or just say you can't afford it and would rather do your own thing....


Mind you if you are in a group who suggest that much I'd suggest you probably need new friends as they sound like they have expensive tastes and/or lots of disposable income.

fairy_lights

Fujiko wrote: »

A silly question I know, but if they already have everything they need what do they want the cash for? Painting the house? A holiday? All these problems with wedding presents make me long for the days of a wedding list at a department store!

Well the couples I know who have got married recently and asked for cash have used it to pay for their honeymoon, because they wouldn't be able to afford one after spending all their savings on the wedding.
It makes me laugh though, me and my OH have been on at least one holiday a year since we got together which some of our friends think is a bit extravagant - yet they think nothing of spending thousands on their weddings and then asking for cash so they can go on honeymoon too :rotfl:

flossy_splodge

If it's rude to ask for money/presents (I agree by the way) then what about something I experienced a couple of weeks ago at my own daughters wedding. A couple who had been invited dropped out at the last minute. Their Uni aged daughter then asked if she could 'bring a friend'!!:eek:
The cost to the brides parents is mostly at least around £40-£50 per head if they're eating so a) to just 'change your mind at the last minute is damned rude and to treat it like a Uni party, even more so.:mad:
Add in that neither parents nor offspring sent so much as a card, I'm glad I won't have to organise another one!:j
I put my foot down over the asking of money and whilst my view was adhered to, I was deemed fuddy duddy and old fashioned. Arghhh.:eek:

pennypinchUK

Only spend what you can afford - if £50 is out of your price bracket then just buy a gift on your own that you can afford.

meknowalot-51

If you know this group of people well enough then be honest and tell them your dillema.They will say don't worry,pay what your comfortable with or tell you to go it alone.Or,after explaining all,you could ask your friend that's getting wed what they want,i'm sure the friend will laugh and tell you just to be there.

duchy

lazer wrote: »

Most people that don't agree with the poems/asking for money also don't agree with wedding lists, basically anything that mentions gifts is a no no imo.
If people choose to buy you a gift or give you money that is their choice, but do not ask them to do either.

I don't actually disagree with wedding lists but just a wedding list shouldn't be enclosed with the invitation but given if the guest asks if there is a list .......likewise a poem asking for money enclosed with the invitation is very different to saying vouchers or a cheque would be nice....when actually asked !

pollyanna24

Slightly different I know, but I got a text a couple of weeks before my youngest finished nursery saying she was doing a contribution for the teacher and the two assistants.

I wasn't sure how much to put in, but eventually decided on a tenner. Figured £3.50 or thereabouts for each one.

On the final day, the two assistants got a box of chocs and the teacher got a small bunch of flowers. So it kinda looked like my £10 contribution was all that was spent. I don't like these group contributions and mine was only for a small one. Don't think I'd do it for a wedding.

My brother is getting married abroad in September (they are already married, but having a party abroad(?)) and I'm a single mum with not a lot of money. I've paid for flights for me and my two daughters to go as I can imagine the family fallout if I didn't go, but don't think I'll be contributing to the fund they've set up for their "honeymoon" that they are going on for three weeks after their "wedding."