Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay less towards a wedding gift?

mr-mixalot

I've never ever bought a gift for any of the weddings that I have attended over the years, my families attendance on their special day is payment enough IMO

Besides the last 2 weddings I attended the couple's seperated after 6 months despite living together for a lot longer & I'd hate for my toaster to be involed in a custody battle

silvercar

mr-mixalot wrote: »

I've never ever bought a gift for any of the weddings that I have attended over the years, my families attendance on their special day is payment enough IMO

I suspect that different social groups have different norms.

For any wedding I have been at, I would expect the above action to lead to an embarrassed call from the bride/ groom to check a present hadn't gone missing. Just because they wouldn't want you to think them rude for not sending a thank you note.

I cannot recall going to a wedding without taking a gift.

LKAY

Firstly, I think £50, and even £30 is a LOT to contribute to a collection, unless a very close friend, or a relative.
I don't think it should matter WHY the OP can only put in less (£30) - whether it be because they genuinely don't have £50 spare, or whether they feel £30 is sufficient for their level of closeness/friendship to the bridal party.
In my group, for collections of any type (birthdays, baby, wedding etc) we would always say "put in what you WANT" (which may be less than what you can afford!) with an approx. suggested range of say £10 - 20 for weddings, £5 - £10 for baby and birthday.
Perhaps our suggested ranges feel low to some people on the forum. But none of our group would ever feel uncomfortable about paying £10 if the others put in £20, because we all agree to pay what we want. And that's the way it works - don't shun someone for paying less.
And definitely do not, as some have suggested, exclude this person from the collection group simply because they want/have to pay less. That's just mean!
£50??!! I'm still staggered!!

kerri_gt

hieveryone wrote: »

VERY different scenarios - charity events and home/family emergencies are not the same thing as choosing to get married and using it as a catalyst to do up your house/go on a fancy honeymoon etc.

The traditional reason for wedding gifts was to help the couple set up home together. Therefore, in modern times, if a couple have already set up home together, there should be no need for a 'replacement' gift.

Asking me for MY hard earned cash in exchange for the 'honour' of attending your wedding will either 1/ result in me not attending or 2/ result in me purchasing a totally random gift/voucher just out of annoyance that you had the audacity to ask.

I truly cannot get my head around the idea that choosing to get married could turn into a 'how much vouchers can we get for X store?'

Just my opinion of course!

What about 'choosing' to have a bithday where you're expected to turn up with a gift?

We needed to replace some items which we wouldn't have dreamed of asking anyone to buy for us but were able to afford putting vouchers together.

duchy wrote: »

I'm yet to see one of these asking for specific cash/vouchers and dictating what the guests should buy that isn't non classy or not cheesey.

It doesn't matter how you dress it up -it is what it is-a demand for what you want as a "gift"

I don't think there is anything wrong with hoping for money- or vouchers from a specific store - but wait to be asked rather than send out a note laying out your expectations !

I'll send you a copy of mine then I don't really see that saying up front you would prefer £ or vouchers is any different to wedding lists, some of which have incredibly expensive items on them - and who actually uses a 24 seat dinner service regularly, I'm sure we got much more use out of our Brabantia pedal bin purchase with vouchers

maman

Peter333 wrote: »

At work, there is this one woman who always seem to make the drinks; she spends half her working hours making coffees and teas and doing the washing and drying up actually!

Hopefully she's paid on the salary grade of a tea lady! Otherwise she's on to a good thing.;)

tallgirld

If you can not afford it just buy your own gift at a price that you CAN afford!

happyinflorida

If they've agreed a figure of £50 each to buy the gift then if you give less that means either the others will have to make up the difference or the person buying the gift - which is unfair on them.

Why didn't you say something at the time?!

Can't you save up the money as the wedding is probably a long time off?

I'd tell your other friends the truth and see what they say and offer at the same time to buy something on your own if they'd prefer it to be that way.

silvercar

And definitely do not, as some have suggested, exclude this person from the collection group simply because they want/have to pay less. That's just mean!

I think it is more that it is unfair on those that want to pay more that the recipient will think them mean when they assume that everyone has given the same.

I spend more than has been quoted here on presents for family weddings, so there are different brackets in different places.

lazer

kerri_gt wrote: »

What about 'choosing' to have a bithday where you're expected to turn up with a gift?

We needed to replace some items which we wouldn't have dreamed of asking anyone to buy for us but were able to afford putting vouchers together.



I'll send you a copy of mine then I don't really see that saying up front you would prefer £ or vouchers is any different to wedding lists, some of which have incredibly expensive items on them - and who actually uses a 24 seat dinner service regularly, I'm sure we got much more use out of our Brabantia pedal bin purchase with vouchers

Most people that don't agree with the poems/asking for money also don't agree with wedding lists, basically anything that mentions gifts is a no no imo.
If people choose to buy you a gift or give you money that is their choice, but do not ask them to do either.

System

MSE_Nick wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I’m going with a group of people to another friend's wedding. It was decided that we should pool together and buy a big gift. However everyone is putting in £50 and I can’t afford that. Should I be part of the big gift but put in less money, or just get something on my own?

In situations like this I always just get something on my own.