Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay less towards a wedding gift?

RuthnJasper

Spinkz wrote: »

Some of the wedding gifts we got were shocking. Someone bought us a bird bath :eek:

That's a nice present! Unless you don't have a garden...

Augustus_the_Strong

Just say that £50 is too much for you, you can't afford it. You'll probably find that some others in the group think the same. If it's awkward, drop out and buy something separately (or don't buy anything) - it's not obligatory. Just be open & honest, always the best policy.

Augustus_the_Strong

Actually I hate all these ridiculous exchanges about presents (wedding and birthday):

What would you like?
We don't want any presents, thank you, just your company.
No, I'd like to get you something, what would you like?
Nothing, thank you!
How about this/that/the other?
No, please don't worry about it, we don't need anything.
But I'd like to get you something you need, what would you like?
Ok, how about a nice bottle of wine?
Oh, well, that's not very personal, I'd like to get you something you really want, what would you like?
AAAGHH!

The moral is: If you are going to insist on buying something for someone when they've said they don't want anything, it's up to you to choose it yourself.

mapcr77

I had a very frugal wedding with just my OH's family (mine live abroad). We spent no more than a few hundred pounds, all in (even our outfits), but it was a lovely day. As a surprise for us, the family hired a photographer, that was the one extravagance of the day.
I think it naff to have a wedding list, more so to ask for money. I did not think the wedding was about the party, but really about the commitment me and OH were doing and that was the whole point of it. Maybe I'm weird. Maybe because I did not expect people to pay for the fact that me and OH decided to get together I find it annoying that other people expect presents/cash for that same act -your life, your choice, your expense.




So OP, only spend what you are comfortable with, either with the group or on your own.

POLAR_BILL

I think £50 each is a bit high for a group wedding gift. Equally, it seems unfair if people put in different amounts too. The best option may be to buy something separate that you can afford, or a store voucher. A cousin of mine was asked for money for her nephew's wedding and she gave generously. they used all the money for a honeymoon and in less than a year split up.

aquarius02

I don't see how this is a moral dilemma at all, but a case of affordability. This seems a large individual ammount anyway for a group gift. Just tell your friends that you can't afford as much as this and buy your own affordable gift, and that's it!

Talent

There really are some very tacky people getting wed these days uuuugh!

Tell them you can't afford £50 and just give what you can, if any! I'd be inclined not to go to this one.... but that's just me.

Person_one

Augustus_the_Strong wrote: »

Actually I hate all these ridiculous exchanges about presents (wedding and birthday):

What would you like?
We don't want any presents, thank you, just your company.
No, I'd like to get you something, what would you like?
Nothing, thank you!
How about this/that/the other?
No, please don't worry about it, we don't need anything.
But I'd like to get you something you need, what would you like?
Ok, how about a nice bottle of wine?
Oh, well, that's not very personal, I'd like to get you something you really want, what would you like?
AAAGHH!

The moral is: If you are going to insist on buying something for someone when they've said they don't want anything, it's up to you to choose it yourself.

Its pretty ungracious to try and stop people buying you a present too if they want to!

Polremy

You say "it was decided". Surely, as one of the group of friends, you were involved in and agreed with the decision. Wasn't the individual contribution expected decided at the same time? If not then surely each friend decides for himself how much to give. Crazy otherwise.

Peter333

Person_one wrote: »

Its pretty ungracious to try and stop people buying you a present too if they want to!

And it's pretty ungracious to ignore people's requests as well.

When someone makes it fundamentally clear that they don't want something, it's arrogant and rude to go and get it anyway. It's not kind, or nice, or thoughtful; it's completely disrespecting them.

At work, there is this one woman who always seem to make the drinks; she spends half her working hours making coffees and teas and doing the washing and drying up actually! Anyway, she asks me and the other 7 people who work in our department 'coffee? tea? cold drink?' about 12 times a day!!! And every time I say no, she still makes it anyway.

It's not a nice or kind thing to do; it's rude. Basically what she - is doing, (and people like the one 'Augustus Strong' refers to,) is asking what you want, listening to your response, and then going and doing whatever the hell they want anyway; completely ignoring and undermining your request. It's ignorant, it's rude, and it's arrogant.

If I say I don't want something, I don't WANT it. Do not treat me like a fool who does not know my own mind.

Re this woman at work, if I have said 'no thank you' to a drink, and she makes it anyway, (as she always does,) I just leave it (and so do several of my colleagues.) She has started to look very puzzled and a little miffed that 4 or 5 people have left their drinks. It's because we didn't want the damn drinks to start with!

Re the OP: just give what you can - whatever others give is up to them. And as someone said earlier, you don't even have to give anything; it's not mandatory.

I am also sick of Bridezillas and Groomzillas dictating what people get them, and demanding money. What a cheek.. Never happened when I got married!