Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay less towards a wedding gift?

hieveryone

billbennett wrote: »

Same here. When I get one, I Google a line of the poem - if they've stolen it from somewhere else, they get less than if they took the time to write the poem themselves.

But either way, the poems are as cringeworthy as you can get.

"As we have lived together for many years,
we're desitute, but spare your tears,
give us some cash, some wonga, some dough,
so laughing to the bank, off we can go" :P

:rotfl::rotfl: that's hilarious.

I really struggle to get my head around the whole concept of it, to be honest. Providing reasoning for asking for money somehow makes it even worse for me - I had an invite which asked for money so that they could do up their garden.

All that does is leave me thinking 'why should getting married equal being able to get your garden done up?'.

I really cannot understand it, maybe I'm weird. :rotfl:

Laurensalive

I would give money to the big gift. But money I can afford to put in. Ask what the big gift will be. Then price it up. Maybe £50 each may not be needed. I would price check this gift.
I would though buy my own card for the couple, a personal touch and also a keepsake.

sooty&sweep

Hi
Has a large present been chosen & the cost divided between the number going ? Or is everyone giving cash & the suggested amount is £50 ?
Hard if it's the first option although whoever who chose the present should have checked how much everyone was willing to put in.
If it's the second then nothing dictates that you must put in the same amount as everyone else.
Jen

LilElvis

Can we please quit with "user dilemma" fake questions? At least the spoof ones are amusing. (Hello Spinkz!)

maman

LilElvis wrote: »

Can we please quit with "user dilemma" fake questions? At least the spoof ones are amusing. (Hello Spinkz!)

I'm not a fan of the spoof ones either but it irritates me that people at mse have nothing better to do. Surely we can think up enough threads all on our own.

seven-day-weekend

swingaloo wrote: »

Im getting married very soon and as we have lived together I enclosed a note with the invitations saying that we didn't want people to buy us gifts, we were just happy that they would spend the day with us.


Ive been inundated with 'We must get you something', 'If you don't tell us what you want we will probably get you something you don't really want', 'We are buying you something anyway' etc.


Even though I have replied to the comments and messages that we really don't need anything or want anyone to spend money on us it is falling on deaf ears.


It seems whichever way you choose is awkward, now Im worried that anyone who has taken us at our word that we do not expect gifts will be embarrassed if they see others have bought for us.

Ask them to donate to a charity of your choice, if they really want to give something.

roses

Given money is the done thing in some cultures, not gifts.

DH and I had a poem asking for money in our wedding invite. We really didn't want to end up with a lot of gifts that we may not ever use. Eg someone did give us espresso cups, I don't drink coffee! Each to their own and to be honest I would much rather give & receive cash than have an overpriced plate from a gift list.

Person_one

swingaloo wrote: »

It seems whichever way you choose is awkward, now Im worried that anyone who has taken us at our word that we do not expect gifts will be embarrassed if they see others have bought for us.

There is a 'right' way to do it, but none of the wedding magazines/websites seem to want to let people know!

You should never ask for gifts or money, that's really rude. You also shouldn't tell people not to get you anything, that's their choice if they want to.

What's supposed to happen is that you don't bring up the subject at all, but when somebody asks you for a suggestion you have one ready that's affordable and not too much hassle. Like vouchers for a shop you will definitely use, or your favourite wine etc.

Person_one

roses wrote: »

Given money is the done thing in some cultures, not gifts.

DH and I had a poem asking for money in our wedding invite. We really didn't want to end up with a lot of gifts that we may not ever use. Eg someone did give us espresso cups, I don't drink coffee! Each to their own and to be honest I would much rather give & receive cash than have an overpriced plate from a gift list.

Can you think of any other time, as an adult, when you'd feel it was ok to ask other people to give you their money?

No?

Well, that's a clue as to whether its ok to do that because you're getting married.

I don't really blame you, there are some strange messages going out to couples from the wedding industry, pushing them to act in ways they never normally would and convincing them that its actually fine. Some of the most polite, least greedy, most easy going people I know have ended up with those awful poems in their invites recently.

barbiedoll

billbennett wrote: »

"As we have lived together for many years,
we're desitute, but spare your tears,
give us some cash, some wonga, some dough,
so laughing to the bank, off we can go" :P

And.....here's my reply.

"You say you're skint, I'm sure that's true,
But if so, why the ostentatious do?
Asking for cash is a bit low class
So, please take your invite, and stick it up your........."

(....to be continued, it's a work in progress)