Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay less towards a wedding gift?

Stevie_Palimo

swingaloo wrote: »

Im getting married very soon and as we have lived together I enclosed a note with the invitations saying that we didn't want people to buy us gifts, we were just happy that they would spend the day with us.


Ive been inundated with 'We must get you something', 'If you don't tell us what you want we will probably get you something you don't really want', 'We are buying you something anyway' etc.


Even though I have replied to the comments and messages that we really don't need anything or want anyone to spend money on us it is falling on deaf ears.


It seems whichever way you choose is awkward, now Im worried that anyone who has taken us at our word that we do not expect gifts will be embarrassed if they see others have bought for us.

If they insist say just suggest they put some cash in a card and treat yourselves to a break away with it, Every wedding I have been to is money in a card as I do not want to buy the wrong gift and my brother in law got wed recently and my other thought me putting £200- in a card was tite lol.

thistledome

Why would you join in with a group who've agreed to spend £50 each on a gift if you can't afford it?

I can't see that this is your moral dilemma to decide, OP. I think it's more the group's moral dilemma - do they let one person contribute less than the agreed amount or do they ask that person to either cough up or get a gift on their own.

You can only tell the rest of the group that you can't afford it and IMO, the rest is up to them.

FBaby

Is it that you really can't afford it or you don't want to spend that amount. If the first, do your friends know your financial situation? If they do, I would ask if they'd mind if you put less in. If they don't know, or you can afford it but don't want to, I would say that you prefer to buy your own present.

maman

hieveryone wrote: »

Me neither! I hate hate hate all the 'poems' about how they've lived together for years and blah blah blah.

Edited to add: Even worse than the poems of late - is the introduction of bank account/Paypal details!! it just beggars belief!

I'm so pleased to hear that it's not only me that finds those poems incredibly naff. I think favours have gone a bit OTT too. I think some couples genuinely enjoy whiling away the hours crafting their favours but I don't think I'd miss them if they stopped that custom too.

Stevie_Palimo wrote: »

If they insist say just suggest they put some cash in a card and treat yourselves to a break away with it, Every wedding I have been to is money in a card as I do not want to buy the wrong gift and my brother in law got wed recently and my other thought me putting £200- in a card was tite lol.

Didn't quite follow this. Is the problem giving money rather than choosing a gift or that your partner thought you should have given more to a BIL?

Stevie_Palimo

maman wrote: »

I'm so pleased to hear that it's not only me that finds those poems incredibly naff. I think favours have gone a bit OTT too. I think some couples genuinely enjoy whiling away the hours crafting their favours but I don't think I'd miss them if they stopped that custom too.




Didn't quite follow this. Is the problem giving money rather than choosing a gift or that your partner thought you should have given more to a BIL?

She reckoned I should have put more in to the card, The rest of the family only put an average of 100.00 in so I am not sure why she thought it was low.

nearlyrich

My DD got married recently, they didn't send out a list or a poem about giving money but they were very pleasantly surprised to get money or vouchers in the cards along with some very thoughtful gifts. People want to give a wedding present and whilst I understand people feel it's cheeky to ask for cash it seems better than having a load of unwanted gifts that never get used.

Georgiegirl256

hieveryone wrote: »

Edited to add: Even worse than the poems of late - is the introduction of bank account/Paypal details!! it just beggars belief!

People do that?! :eek: Im another who finds the asking of money in a poem to be plain cheeky, and I absolutely hate those cutesy tacky poems!

Eta: As is demonstrated in above posts, some guests will insist on giving you something. I think in those situations where you are asked then it is ok to say money, but not to outright ask for it.

gettingtheresometime

not only do I hate when I've had those poems asking for cash, I hate it when marrying couples ask for cash to pay for the honeymoon.

hieveryone

Yes, believe it or not I've had Paypal details within an invite :eek:

Needless to say, they did NOT receive money from us.

In my 'circle', friends my age would automatically give cash/vouchers even if it wasn't mentioned in an invite.

Older members of family/extended family/neighbours etc would more than likely ask the mums, who could subtly pass on a message of 'vouchers' etc if they really wanted to give something.

Quite honestly, I'd rather have a pile of gifts that would never get used than be the person that blatantly asks someone for money

[Deleted User]

hieveryone wrote: »

Me neither! I hate hate hate all the 'poems' about how they've lived together for years and blah blah blah.

Same here. When I get one, I Google a line of the poem - if they've stolen it from somewhere else, they get less than if they took the time to write the poem themselves.

But either way, the poems are as cringeworthy as you can get.

"As we have lived together for many years,
we're desitute, but spare your tears,
give us some cash, some wonga, some dough,
so laughing to the bank, off we can go" :P