Do Grandparents Treat Your Children Differently

meritaten

I am a grandparent to three sets of grandkids - and I would say we treat them all equally. just not at the same time. and as the ages range from 8months to 17 years their needs are not all the same.
but I would never expect or want a child to play on the computer, iPhone or tablet all day. and if the day has been arranged in advance, then its likely whichever set of gkids we have they will be taken out somewhere which amuses or educates them.
I think you should sit your parents down and tell them how you feel and point out just how they treat yours compared with your sisters - because it isn't right.
and as for living abroad you must do what you feel is best for YOUR little family unit.

Red*Dragonfly

this may come across a bit odd, but I'm actually comforted by reading some of this.

My grandmother would peg each of us against one another (my two older sisters, me and my oldest cousin, and my two younger cousins), I would never be as good as my blonde blue eyed cousin, who was also sooooo good at everything I'm bad at, and this was always pointed out to me.

I always thought that my gran was strange to behave like this and treat her grandkids different (all my friends had good relationships with grandparents). But reading this thread has made me realize that it happens allot.

I can't offer any advice, but I would say try and sort it out, as I no longer talk to my gran, and it would be sad if this happens to your kid with their grandparents.
good luck

swingaloo

Maybe I will put the cat among the pigeons here, but here goes-


I look after 2 sets of grandkids.


I set age 9 and 11, one set age 7 and 10. All girls.


I love having the first 2 but don't enjoy looking after the other 2 because of issues with the eldest of the girls. (child R)


Both sets of girls are very well behaved on the surface and as far as the parents are concerned they are angels. Child Rs parents will repeatedly say how well behaved, polite and helpful she is.


Her mum says she is very polite, however when in a shop she will not ask for anything directly but will look pointedly, make a big thing of licking her lips and say 'Mmmmm those look very nice' dropping a hint. On occasion she will look straight at me and say 'I would buy one of those if mummy had given me any money to spend' but she hasn't. Followed by 'Aren't my manners good, I havnt asked for anything have I'.


In a caf! she will choose the most expensive drink on the menu. She will wait while granddad is in the middle of watching something then get the Tv guide and request very politely that she watches something on another channel.


She will pass remarks in the street such as 'I think that lady is very fat but I wouldnt say it to her as it would be rude'.


She can be very selfish with her younger sister but always has a reason 'Ive taken this off her because she may break it and its very special to me because such-a-body bought it for me' then 5 minutes later its thrown on the floor and trodden on by her.


If the girls get told off for anything she will make a big thing of apologising then smirk at the others as she turns away.


I dont like to say this but I simply do not like this child as much as the others. yes she is polite and well behaved but in a very manipulative way.

warehouse

swingaloo wrote: »

Maybe I will put the cat among the pigeons here, but here goes-


I look after 2 sets of grandkids.


I set age 9 and 11, one set age 7 and 10. All girls.


I love having the first 2 but don't enjoy looking after the other 2 because of issues with the eldest of the girls. (child R)


Both sets of girls are very well behaved on the surface and as far as the parents are concerned they are angels. Child Rs parents will repeatedly say how well behaved, polite and helpful she is.


Her mum says she is very polite, however when in a shop she will not ask for anything directly but will look pointedly, make a big thing of licking her lips and say 'Mmmmm those look very nice' dropping a hint. On occasion she will look straight at me and say 'I would buy one of those if mummy had given me any money to spend' but she hasn't. Followed by 'Aren't my manners good, I havnt asked for anything have I'.


In a caf! she will choose the most expensive drink on the menu. She will wait while granddad is in the middle of watching something then get the Tv guide and request very politely that she watches something on another channel.


She will pass remarks in the street such as 'I think that lady is very fat but I wouldnt say it to her as it would be rude'.


She can be very selfish with her younger sister but always has a reason 'Ive taken this off her because she may break it and its very special to me because such-a-body bought it for me' then 5 minutes later its thrown on the floor and trodden on by her.


If the girls get told off for anything she will make a big thing of apologising then smirk at the others as she turns away.


I dont like to say this but I simply do not like this child as much as the others. yes she is polite and well behaved but in a very manipulative way.

Bingo.

I think you've hit the nail on the head.

stormbreaker

My mother has always claimed to treat her grandchildren equally in the same way she claims to treat her three daughters equally which is so far removed from reality it's laughable. What's tragic is that I think she truly believes it!

Even now, it hurts. In a number of ways I wish I had cut off from my family years ago. But there has never been any fall out or any confrontations. I feel I have left it too late. My Mum is 80 and I see no point in confronting her now.

My sons are now adults and my eldest has spoken openly to me about how he realises that his Gran favours him. He said that he it's cause he is the one who makes the effort to visit etc. but he does that cause she has always favoured him. His younger brother was 5 when he asked his Gran, where were his photos on her walls! When she was displaying at least 2 photos of her other 3 grandchildren. She claimed, I had never given her any!

She gave to the eldest on passing his exams, a card and money.

When my youngest passed, his cousin failed, she said she couldn't recognise my sons success as it would not be fair on his cousin?

Her reasoning is somewhat warped. My youngest knew that his brothers success had been recognised and in his eyes (although nothing has been said) his was ignored.

The examples like this are many and go back to my childhood.

System

I only see one of my Grandchildren down to a broken down relationship between my Son and his Ex's.... So yes, i do treat them differently.

Threebabes

For us it was my husband was the least favored child out of the 3 of them . As soon as his sister had her kids mine were left high and dry. In materialistic items as well as love, time and attention.

We dont see them now.

missprice

Not quite the same but I have a nearly mother, and she is lovely, a fab Grannie.
But recently her own child has made her a proper Grannie and suddenly everything has changed.

I kind of expected a change and was as excited about her becoming a Gran as she was, but even I am stunned at the difference from probably 15 years as nearly gran, to now a proper gran.

I can't say a word after all we are not related and she has been fab all those years, but the relationship has altered dramatically and I can see there is no point carrying it on, not to say I will ignore her, far from it, but no longer will she be invited on holiday/days out/events. I have tried lots since the proper grandchild arrived, but sadly she has taken no offers up and just talked non stop grandchild. Fair enough, she is proud and excited. But its too much for me and that's my fault no one else's.

But I have seen the way mine are now treated and its not nice to do that to people, at least mine are grown up now, still hurts but as adults they can cope better I think.

maman

My MIL did this to an extent. I don't think it was because she loved any of the grandchildren (or her own children) any differently it was just that some were more needy than others and she loved to be needed. She had a large family and one thing she was skilled at was childcare.


So my DH felt that his mum cared more for some of his siblings and their children than him so he visited less and less. It was a bit of a vicious circle. He'd worked hard and been very successful in his job so his mother thought he didn't need her. We made our own childcare arrangements. Other siblings who always seemed to have a bit of drama in their lives were round at hers all the time and she did babysitting so they could work as invariably money was tight.


We did resolve it as I kept visiting her myself and gradually convinced him that she was proud of his achievements (which she was). He accepted that a few of his siblings had never really grown up and cut the apron strings which he had. I don't think our DDs noticed it. All the cousins get on so no apparent jealousy. I think they just accepted that different families lived differently. So some were always round at Nanny's others weren't.

*max*

swingaloo wrote: »

Maybe I will put the cat among the pigeons here, but here goes-


I look after 2 sets of grandkids.


I set age 9 and 11, one set age 7 and 10. All girls.


I love having the first 2 but don't enjoy looking after the other 2 because of issues with the eldest of the girls. (child R)


Both sets of girls are very well behaved on the surface and as far as the parents are concerned they are angels. Child Rs parents will repeatedly say how well behaved, polite and helpful she is.


Her mum says she is very polite, however when in a shop she will not ask for anything directly but will look pointedly, make a big thing of licking her lips and say 'Mmmmm those look very nice' dropping a hint. On occasion she will look straight at me and say 'I would buy one of those if mummy had given me any money to spend' but she hasn't. Followed by 'Aren't my manners good, I havnt asked for anything have I'.


In a caf! she will choose the most expensive drink on the menu. She will wait while granddad is in the middle of watching something then get the Tv guide and request very politely that she watches something on another channel.


She will pass remarks in the street such as 'I think that lady is very fat but I wouldnt say it to her as it would be rude'.


She can be very selfish with her younger sister but always has a reason 'Ive taken this off her because she may break it and its very special to me because such-a-body bought it for me' then 5 minutes later its thrown on the floor and trodden on by her.


If the girls get told off for anything she will make a big thing of apologising then smirk at the others as she turns away.


I dont like to say this but I simply do not like this child as much as the others. yes she is polite and well behaved but in a very manipulative way.

This girl sounds 1/highly intelligent and 2/extremely manipulative and 3/selfish. Those are signs that could point towards an ASPD.