Do Grandparents Treat Your Children Differently

Somethingtotallydifferent

Hi All.

I’m a long time poster, I’m just using a different username as, in all honesty, I don’t want to be identified but need to rant a little and get some opinions to see if I’m being unreasonable.

As a grandparent do you treat your grandchildren any differently?

A little background, My partner and I have two kids, my sister also has 2 kids, pretty simple but they get treated so differently. My parents look after my kids vary rarely, I’ve learnt to just not ask as I always get the roiled eye look from my Mum, however when I do ask it’s normally for a day whilst My partner and I are at work and we normally book these months in advance sometimes. My sister however calls in the morning expecting everyone to drop their plans for the day so they can have her kids as she apparently forgot to ask.

We live round the corner from my parents but I’m the sort of person who would rather pay for a play scheme or something that put someone out, they are my kids, I made the decision to have them, I’ll sort them out. To further highlight this, we have managed to sort out child care for every day but 2 days over the summer holiday, the grandparents have agreed to cover these two days but we sorted this back at the start of May, yesterday was one of these days and the kids were plonked with headphones on their tablet computers for the day, my sister however, called the grandparents this morning to ask to have her kids and they’ve been taken out to the beach for the day.

My kids have now started to notice that their grandparents don’t take them to places and are getting upset when we say that they are to go there for the day as they know they’ll just be bored, I’m so upset for them. Other family members have also noticed this and have brought it up with my parents and they don’t see it and think they treat all the grand kids equally, I’ve always been the independent one in the family, as I’ve had to be, I don’t ask for help unless I really need it but I don’t think it’s fair that my kids are treated like a nuisance when my sisters kids are showered with trips and gifts.

Am I being overly sensitive about this as the way I’m feeling I could quite happily move abroad (something we’ve always talked about but never done as not wanting to upset family)?

Fireflyaway

I am not a grandparent but from your post do you mean that your parents treat your kids differently to your sisters kids?

I obviously know nothing about you so please don't take offence but all I can think of is are the kids different in their behaviour / needs / age etc?

I work with someone who has 2 daughters. She loves to look after 1 daughters kids but not the other one, as her son is so rude. He talks back and is very cheeky and unappreciative and ruins the day for whoever is there.

Or do you have a 'better' lifestyle than your sister? Maybe if you have more money and resources they don't feel the need to splash out as they know you already do it?

Rambosmum

I've not seen it so I couldn't give an objective opinion but in my family my aunt (mums sister) also views it as her kids being treated differently to how me and my siblings are treated. We are now mainly grown up/ teenagers (big age gap between me and my youngest cousin). I have to say that although I never saw any differences to how we were all treated my grandparents took my other cousins out for the day less, though would spend equal amounts of money on us, because my cousins were really poorly behaved when out, but if my nan mentioned this to my aunt, my aunt would tell her she was lying, which didn't help the situation (my cousins were really badly behaved generally).

BJV

I am a parent and both of our sets of grandparents live in other countries. I completely understand how you feel. My children get card with £50 for xmas and birthdays. The grandparents who live close to them get a fortune. When they do come and see us they spend half their time getting presents to take back for the cousins.


I know that they will be treated differently as I am sure that they will have a stronger bond because they see more of them. Not nice but natural. For me it just niggles me that they rub it in my face.

Somethingtotallydifferent

Hi, thanks for the replies. My kids are not mis-behaved at all, I'm not saying they are angels but they and not by any means a problem. The kids all range from 11 to 4 and flip flop so sisters, mine, sister, mine. Both myself and my partner work full time as do my sister and her other half The only difference is that she had her first child before me.

:-(

nonnatus

I think it probably can't be helped! Your parents may just have a preference for your sister's kids, although it's unfair of them to make it so noticeable to your own children.

People can't help having different feelings for different people, but they should perhaps make more of an effort not to let it show. Unless, maybe YOU are unwittingly pointing things out?

Do you say things to your kids like - "Hmmph, so you spent the day in front of the computer whilst X's kids were taken out to the beach again eh?" Are you making them feel resentful?

Ultimately, if it's affecting you so much that you're considering emigrating, maybe you should have a frank chat with your parents and tell them how they make you feel - they'll probably be mortified...

Somethingtotallydifferent

Oh Christmas is a nightmare, we always give the kids a budget for presents from them that is always pre-advised, say £50 each. My sister kids get given the same budget but always ask for something a lot more expensive say a tablet computer. My sister says that she'll put the rest of the money to it but never does.

nonnatus

Ahhhhh! Just read your reply OP and it all makes sense now - your sister produced the FIRST Grandchild. There's your answer. It's special isn't it, that first grandkid.

I was the first Grandchild on both sides in my family and I was treated like a Goddess until my pesky brother came along and interrupted my reign :rotfl: Good Times....

Somethingtotallydifferent

Hi,

Thanks for your reply, I guess you are right.

I'd never however discuss this in from of the kids. My hubby is all for moving as his family live over 100 miles away anyway.

System

I had this with my ex's Mother.

There was 10 days between the birth of my daughter and my SILs daughter. Whenever we saw her she was always gushing about her but didnt really say anything nice about our two.

Then on our daughters first birthday she bought her a doll. Probably a bit old for her but nonetheless it was a lovely doll.

My pleasure turned to blind rage when she told her she couldnt take it home, it was to stay at the Grandmothers house.... She didnt say anything but i knew it was bought for both Grandaughters to play with.

lemontart

my mother only ever baby sat a couple of times, but does it weekly for my sisters boys, But she also favoured by brother over me in a lot of ways and he could do no wrong.