Do Grandparents Treat Your Children Differently

Jo_F

nonnatus wrote: »

Ahhhhh! Just read your reply OP and it all makes sense now - your sister produced the FIRST Grandchild. There's your answer. It's special isn't it, that first grandkid.

I was the first Grandchild on both sides in my family and I was treated like a Goddess until my pesky brother came along and interrupted my reign :rotfl: Good Times....

Doesn't always work that way, I had the first Grandchild (a girl) and then had the only Grandson, my kids don't get a look in where my parents are concerned, whereas my sister's brood have all the time, money and effort in the world spent on them.

My kids have gotten used to it, not to say that it doesn't hurt them and me sometimes.

red_devil

if you want to move then move do whats right for you and if the grandparents are bothered they can come and see you.

Fireflyaway

I'm an only child so don't have this worry! I did get treated a lot more than my cousins by my grandparents though. I think it was because I was the youngest and I saw them quite a bit - not just when I wanted something.

Kaye1

Yes. My toddler called her Nanny 'lady,' for a long time as she just didn't know her! Most embarrassing.


And they treat their own children differently too. Would NEVER admit it but even the children themselves laugh about it! We always get the daughter (OH sister) to broach difficult topics as she can 'get away with it,' but the boys can't.

PeacefulSlumber

When I was a child I remember my little brother being showered with gifts and affection by my maternal grandparents but I was largely ignored by them. My brother is almost 3 years younger than me and when he was about 18 months old I remember we just stopped visiting those grand parents and my mum would only occasionally visit alone.

I didn't think much of it as I was so little and had no love for them as they showed none to me. It was only as an adult I asked my mum about it and the reason my grandparents couldn't accept me was because I was born out of wedlock and my brother was not.

My mum and dad gave my grandparents a choice to treat us the same or don't see either of us. They chose not to see either of us.

This was over 40 years ago and they were catholic (when it suited them) but I never really understood why they behaved that way.

xbrenx

Somethingtotallydifferent wrote: »

Hi All.
Am I being overly sensitive about this as the way I’m feeling I could quite happily move abroad (something we’ve always talked about but never done as not wanting to upset family)?

I only wanted to comment on this bit... please don't put off moving abroad because you don't want to upset family. You only get one life, live it for yourselves
If nothing else, you'll give the rest of the family somewhere to go for holidays.

olgadapolga

PeacefulSlumber wrote: »

When I was a child I remember my little brother being showered with gifts and affection by my maternal grandparents but I was largely ignored by them. My brother is almost 3 years younger than me and when he was about 18 months old I remember we just stopped visiting those grand parents and my mum would only occasionally visit alone.

I didn't think much of it as I was so little and had no love for them as they showed none to me. It was only as an adult I asked my mum about it and the reason my grandparents couldn't accept me was because I was born out of wedlock and my brother was not.

My mum and dad gave my grandparents a choice to treat us the same or don't see either of us. They chose not to see either of us.

This is really sad. A very similar thing happened with my children. My MIL treated my oldest daughter (and her first grandchild) like she was a little princess, always buying her things. I then had two boys who were pretty much ignored by MIL. I could see what was happening but DH refused to acknowledge it even though it was so painfully obvious, for example "forgetting" the boys' birthdays but giving my daughter expensive presents. We all knew what she was doing, my boys were aware that they were not favoured and asked some very difficult questions, my daughter was upset about it for her brothers. Fortunately, my FIL was a very fair man and he ensured that the boys were treated well also, but without alienating my daughter. All three children had a good relationship with their grandfather.

Following the death of my FIL, the MIL has now chosen to cut off my husband and children completely. We tried very hard to keep the "channels of communication" open and my husband rang her weekly but she just doesn't want to know. She didn't even tell my husband that she was in hospital for potentially life-threatening surgery; we had to ring around the hospitals to try to find out if she was still alive.

My husband is still really upset about this, understandably, as I don't think it's something you can ever get over, being abandoned by your mother. And that's what she's done. But I suppose that she's now treating the children equally at least.

MadelinesMum

Hi, I've have similar problems with the in-laws. We asked a year in advance in they could look after our dd whilst we went on holiday. Mil immediately said they couldn't because they would be too busy.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and mil had given up her job to childmind and clean their house full time for her other son's child.

bagpussbear

I don't think it right that your kiddies get treated differently. But I do think you should raise your concerns with your grandparents, and give them examples.

I did wonder if they found your children more hard work than your sister's? Whatever the reason, I think you need to ask questions and hopefully get to the bottom of it.

consultant31

I am a grandma and have three grandchildren from my two daughters.

I am proud of them all, love them all the same and make VERY sure that they all know how much I love them.

I look after them as and when needed (the oldest is only 6) and although they are loved, I will chastise them when I think they need it and it's easy to see that they love me almost as much as I love them. There's nothing quite like seeing a little face light up and hearing a yell of "Mamma's here, yippee" when I arrive

I can understand favouritism, it's natural perhaps that some people are drawn towards one child for whatever reason but I cannot understand any adult allowing it to show. They should be ashamed of themselves :mad: