How to split our mortgage payments fairly

LplateSaver

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Eek, this isn't the right attitude to be going into a joint house purchase with at all.

I think you'd be better off waiting until the relationship (or another one) has reached the stage where you aren't seeing so much 'Me' and 'I' but are happy for things to be 'We' and 'us'.

Reading this thread has been a bit like watching a train wreck.

I live with a couple now who have been "happily" married 20 years and the husband still has the "me" and "I" attitude. It's really sad seeing them fight over who's turn it is to pay for the grocery shop.

And there's OH and I wondering how we're going to spend our joint nectar points :rotfl:

Argghhh

surely the answer is if she is only saving 39% and you are saving 46%, reduce your savings to 39% and use the rest for cinema etc that you want to. This way you are both saving the same rate. Women like to look nice, us men like them to look nice - they spend money on vanity products, its the way of life

class2ldn

Yeah I have considered that but I want to try and save up as much as I can. I guess if she can't afford to then that's fair enough, either I drop it down or I take it on the chin and keep putting in more.
I don't mind if it's not equal, just want her to do what she can to help.
We don't argue about it atall, she pays the bills and the shopping and I cover the rent. I would just like her to make more effort saving, in reality the % thing is not something I'm interested in really doing as it does breed resentment and tbh if I put more in then who cares. This is for US so if I can pay in more and speed it up then that's the main aim.

Dird

class2ldn wrote: »

I then bought a bmw 330i

duchy wrote: »

to have a boy car rather than a man car ?

Best comment of the thread

halfabee wrote: »

I am not like some mega-feminist or something, but honestly, when we sat down and worked it all out, it really enlightened him as to how expensive it can be to be a girl.

Quite a bit of your spending is related to genetic defects rather than gender~

budgetmom

If both your names are on the mortgage, then you are both liable for payment - but as long as one or both of you are paying, the bank isn't bothered who pays what. If its a joint mortgage you cant sell the house without the agreement of your wife cos she is co-owner and its a joint mortgage, cos the buyers solicitor wont let them buy it, their mortgage company wont release their mortgage money, and your mortgage company wont let you sell. So just make sure everything is clear right in the beginning.

Leo2020

Not sure if this has been said as I haven't read all the posts. But me and my husband have a joint account. At the moment I don't work as we can't afford me to due to the costs of childcare. Note I said we - we would be worse off if I worked.

He trusts me not to spend the money on stupid pointless crap. He trusts me not to spend more than we have. I trust him not to do the same - we have two kids and I trust him to provide for them and me. I don't mean that to come across sexist like I expect him to provide because he's the man. But one of has to work and one of us have to look after the children - it could be the other way round.

Although I don't contribute financially I take care of our children and look after the house. We both contribute to the household but in different ways.

We don't talk about mine and his - it's ours.

I know some people have had problems with joint accounts due to partners who can't be trusted but to me that's the point. If they can't be trusted then you shouldn't have a joint account with them.

nicegirl

Jon_B wrote: »

Here's an idea and it's what we do. I earn 40k and my better half earns £22k: -

We have 3 current accounts - mine, my wife's and our joint account.

On our respective pay days we transfer all of our salaries minus £300 - that is our disposable income.

I end up contributing about £1700 to the household budget and my wife about £900. But our savings come out of our join account. Essentially we both feel the equivalent "pain". We have our own disposable income, I don't ask her what she spends it on and vice versa. If one of us runs out, then tough.

This is what we do, both paid into our own accounts and then on payday we each transfer everything minus £425 into our joint account which pays for all our joint expenses and savings. We use our personal money to pay personal bills e.g. mobile bill, gym membership and for clothes, entertainment, personal savings etc. It works really well for us.

greensalad

halfabee wrote: »

Bear in mind that it may seem frivolous for a girl to spend so much on hair cuts, but that's how much a proper hair cut costs, and there is pressure on women to look a certain way - whether among peers, or in the office - that is not quite the same for men.

I always think this is an interesting one. It seems to me that a lot of people see anything a man buys as necessary, and anything a woman buys as frivolous and stupid. I've seen that attitude displayed on the forum here and in my personal life among family.

It's funny that if my boyfriend buys a huge TV and a games console his friends see it as a cool thing to own, 'gotta have a good TV for watching football' etc. But if I spent even 50% of the cost on, say, a handbag or a coat that I'd get lots of use out of I'm seen as being totally frivolous.

(I bought myself a nice suitcase recently from a reputable brand with a long warranty as I wanted something that would stand the test of time. BF thought I was crazy, then I discovered he spent more on video games in ONE MONTH than I had on the case that will last me YEARS.)

jjgold

How often will you use that suitcase? 1-2 times per year?
He can play those games for many many hours and then sell them on as soon as he's finished

AdrianC

I'd have thought both the games AND expensive suitcase a tad profligate for people apparently fighting five-figure debt, but...