How to split our mortgage payments fairly

Newme2014

My parents have been happily married for 42 years and have never had a joint account. My dad earned more than my mum, he paid the mortgage and utilities, she paid groceries and council tax. I had an ex that was desperate for us to pool all our wages, we had a joint account that we both paid equal amounts in to for bills and food, I earned over £1k per month more, the relationship had already started to become rocky and he was constantly talking about quitting work to go to college, I said no chance. We eventually split, he met someone else, they had joint finances, he quit work and.....sat playing PC games 24/7. But as proved on here some people have totally joint accounts and it works fine.
Basically I'm just saying you need to work out what will work for you both, have you done seperate and the joint SOAs. Talk to her about what she'd like to do and how she sees the finances. Not only do you have the mortgage to think about but you say you're engaged so you'll be wanting to start saving for the weddings would she be more on board with saving if you said that her extra portion was going to the wedding?

BrassicWoman

I too would be nervous about someone who is so obsessed with cars he gets a new giant loan without paying off the old one! Also, your kids, your maintenance - she didn't make them!

I think you are being really harsh about making her pay for your previous life choices and should lighten up a it.

class2ldn

Well she can earn an extra 240 a month in sleep ins so she agrees that ideally this extra should be going in tge savings rather then extra for her to spend out etc.
It's definitely heading in the right direction

Mummyisbeauty

Tbh I think you also need to agree on house expenses for after the move too. How will you decide who will pay if you need a new window, roof repairs etc once moved in together.
Also who will fund any furniture etc too.

I have to admit I only earn a fraction of what my husband earns but everything is a joint pot and has been since we got into financial issues ten years ago (no longer an issue though).
I control the finances and I suppose that I go without so he can buy things but it is a partnership and one day it will be my turn when I actually need something.

Red-Squirrel_2

class2ldn wrote: »

Well she can earn an extra 240 a month in sleep ins so she agrees that ideally this extra should be going in tge savings rather then extra for her to spend out etc.
It's definitely heading in the right direction

Sorry to say this, but it sounds like you're viewing your partner not as a partner but as a way of bringing extra funds in!

I'm sure that's not how you really feel, and that its just 'house buying fever' but this doesn't sound good to me, I have a horrible feeling that its all going to hit the fan in terms of your relationship as soon a something changes in either of your circumstances.

class2ldn

No not atall, I just want her to contribute fairly. I understand she earns a lot less but if she wants a nice house she needs to contribute to it.
In regards to fixing stuff in the house it's not such a big issue.
People are obviously reading too deep.
Like I said I'm not tight and I'm happy to pay for more stuff then she is, I just want to know shes contributing the most she can and not how much she feels is adequate.
We don't argue about finances as I'm pretty chilled out about it all, I just want to make sure its suitable for both of us without stretching too much.

halfabee

I used to have terrible spending habits. I felt guilty that I spent so much money on rubbish while my partner saved for a deposit for a house. I have got my act together, but it was interesting when we sat down and added up the different costs of 'being us'. Turns out that over time, it does cost a bit more to be me, just naturally. He doesn't need to buy bras, lady products, allergy pills, skin treatments, various other medical or personal products I would not be comfortable living without. Sure I COULD go without them, but I would feel mainly rotten. I'm not talking about expensive moisturiser either, just stuff for skin conditions, etc. Clothes seem to cost more, though I go shopping as infrequently as I can help it. I work in a professional environment - he can wear jeans because he's an engineer. Bear in mind that it may seem frivolous for a girl to spend so much on hair cuts, but that's how much a proper hair cut costs, and there is pressure on women to look a certain way - whether among peers, or in the office - that is not quite the same for men. Personally, I only use a salon if a wedding is coming up, I live with being scruffy. My other half goes to supercuts. There are other aspects to my lifestyle he doesn't partake in - I buy a sandwich for lunch, he makes his own. Mainly because he works in a warehouse in the middle of nowhere, and I have a sainsbury's nearby. I get through more shampoo than he does - my hair is long. I need conditioner, too - simply cannot live without it! He's lucky I don't bother wearing makeup, because that stuff is EXPENSIVE. I also need to buy brand washing powder due to allergies - he can buy shop brand which is quite a bit cheaper. He doesn't bother with fabric softener because he is mad. He wouldn't bother cleaning the house and would rather like to change the bed sheets once every couple of months. I suppose if I lived with that we would save a fair bit on cleaning products. When he lived alone, he lived on pasta with a spoon of pesto stirred in. I think it is good to buy vegetables and protein sometimes ;-) He is also happy to buy cheap sheets, whereas I would quite like to sleep on something soft! Another classic example - women's clothes don't have pockets. I would LOVE to not to have to own a handbag, I really would. I'm really glad I work in an industry that does not require me to wear heels or very smart clothing, or I would spend even more. I did have a boss who once told me to buy more varieties of suits because it offended her that I only had 3 that I would cycle through (this was my first job out of uni on minimum wage!).

I am not like some mega-feminist or something, but honestly, when we sat down and worked it all out, it really enlightened him as to how expensive it can be to be a girl.

Anyway, once we buy a house we are going to both commit to adding a bit chunk of our incomes into a central pot and keep a certain amount for guilt-free personal spending, which will flex, depending on life changes - e.g. kids. But the central pot will then fund holidays, etc. And every now and then when I say, look, I'm poor and I need a haircut for this wedding - he'll let me off. It'll all work out - because we TALKED about it. And he made the effort to listen to why I 'need' to spend money on a lot of things he doesn't. And I listened just as hard to his lectures on why I should not spend so much money on junk from Amazon. I no longer do. Well, not as much.... :-)

jjj1980

HappyMJ wrote: »

Did your spendthrift ex ask to borrow money from you in the 4th week of the month. That really annoyed me. them: I'm skint can I borrow a tenner. me: what for. them: i need to see (insert name here) and i need some money for taxi. me: wait till you get paid. them: oh you're so controlling. me: I'm not arguing with you and I'm not a bank I'm going out...bye.

Oh yes, many a time!! Made worse by the fact that he somehow managed to work out my PIN number and whilst I was ill on bedrest, was sneaking my card out of the house and taking £250 a day out of the atm until he took me over my overdraft.

Tried to claim during the divorce that I controlled him financially by not allowing him access to money to enable him to see friends. Soon got that lie sorted when I proved from bank statements that his money went into an account in his own name!! There were loads of online gambling debits on his account, which he claimed must have been his brother without his authority then admitted they were his own when his solicitor asked where the paperwork was to prove he had taken steps to recover the money!!

pelirocco

Apologies if others have posted this , but you pool your money , pay the bills put money aside for savings then split the rest equally for personal spends

Red-Squirrel_2

class2ldn wrote: »

No not atall, I just want her to contribute fairly. I understand she earns a lot less but if she wants a nice house she needs to contribute to it.

Eek, this isn't the right attitude to be going into a joint house purchase with at all.

I think you'd be better off waiting until the relationship (or another one) has reached the stage where you aren't seeing so much 'Me' and 'I' but are happy for things to be 'We' and 'us'.