Fall Out - should I just get over it?

heartbreak_star

Glad to hear everything's sorted

HBS x

Jagraf

I would be mortified if I thought my parents overheard some of the conversations DH and I have about them lol! Also the other way around no doubt, my folks talk about us all the time to each other.

I do think both of my parents would put their kids before the other parent. I think that's an inbuilt habit and a protection - not saying its right.

Glad it's sorted x

duchy

Jagraf wrote: »

I do think both of my parents would put their kids before the other parent. I think that's an inbuilt habit and a protection - not saying its right.

Glad it's sorted x

I think when the kids are truly kids then yes...... Once the children are grown and moved out not so much although hopefully once that stage is reached there is little need for any parent to be forced to choose and it reflects poorly both on the adult child and the other parent if they are made to feel they have to.

borkid

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Twice in two months is quite a lot tbh. Well it is in my eyes anyhow.

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It really depends on circumstances. We've had this recently, first time relocation to a new job, payday was a different day from previous job so lent money for a few days. It was back in my account on payday. Then a couple of months later away visiting clients and had to pay for travel, hotels etc and claim back in next months salary so again a cashflow problem. All spare money is tied up waiting for flat to complete, paying rent and a mortgage, but hopefully all back to normal once it does.

Georgiegirl256

borkid wrote: »

It really depends on circumstances. We've had this recently, first time relocation to a new job, payday was a different day from previous job so lent money for a few days. It was back in my account on payday. Then a couple of months later away visiting clients and had to pay for travel, hotels etc and claim back in next months salary so again a cashflow problem. All spare money is tied up waiting for flat to complete, paying rent and a mortgage, but hopefully all back to normal once it does.

In those circumstances it's fine. The example you mention above, needing money to tide you over is fine. Having to borrow money for say a leaky roof or some other household emergency is fine. But not because you decide to treat yourself to a non essential item. But yeah, like you say, it does depend on circumstances.

Eta: However, at the OP's age, she really should try and start getting some savings behind her for an emergency fund then if a problem does crop up she'll be able to cover it herself.

justme111

Well , can you tell me why is it not fine to borrow money for treats from parents ? What is so inherently wrong with it ? Those are the closest people to one on the planet - or not? I borrow money from my father every now and again not because I have emergency but because my money is tied elsewhere and in any case - why is it wrong borrowing even if it is just because one want something sooner rather than later provided that it is repaid ? My father is pleased he can be of help , he feels useful and proud , it gives us opportunity to discuss finances and topic to talk about . I hope that people who think their way of living is the only right one and go about it quite aggressively question their stance.

System

Well , can you tell me why is it not fine to borrow money for treats from parents ?

Because you should be paying for your own treats and they should be paying for theirs, whilst they are treating you, they aint treating themselves.

I dont think anyone would begrudge helping an adult child out of a genuine hardship. I certainly wouldnt but for treats? Well thats taking the pee.

Gigervamp

And if the treat is an £800 Macbook?

Jagraf

duchy wrote: »

I think when the kids are truly kids then yes...... Once the children are grown and moved out not so much although hopefully once that stage is reached there is little need for any parent to be forced to choose and it reflects poorly both on the adult child and the other parent if they are made to feel they have to.

I don't think it reflects poorly on our family. I'm not sure who would be forced to choose, my parents make their own decisions. It's not about me expecting to come first as their child. It's just their nature.

Jagraf

justme111 wrote: »

Well , can you tell me why is it not fine to borrow money for treats from parents ? What is so inherently wrong with it ? Those are the closest people to one on the planet - or not? I borrow money from my father every now and again not because I have emergency but because my money is tied elsewhere and in any case - why is it wrong borrowing even if it is just because one want something sooner rather than later provided that it is repaid ? My father is pleased he can be of help , he feels useful and proud , it gives us opportunity to discuss finances and topic to talk about . I hope that people who think their way of living is the only right one and go about it quite aggressively question their stance.

Nothing at all. In fact, its quite patronising when others think parents aren't capable of making their own decisions about their own money.

My Dad hides £10 notes in my DD pockets etc when he visits. Or under her pillow, or in her make up bag. He does it to spoil her because he wants to, he also knows it can help us out sometimes. I o longer tell him not to, he doesn't listen, and nor should he. Who am I to tell him what to do with his money?