Fall Out - should I just get over it?

spookalili

I'm looking for a bit of advice about my family.

My parents have always done their best to look after me. They haven't always been perfect but very few parents are.

A few weeks ago my mum lent me some money. I bought something with this and decided to return it because at the time I didn't need it and I couldn't justify the cost. She said it was up to me but she was more than happy to lend me the money as she knew I would pay it back (which is true, I pay back everything I lend).

She pocket dialled me and I could hear her speaking to my Dad. She was basically saying that she thought I wasn't going to keep to my word and if I didn't "that would be it". The reason she was saying this is because my dad has a huge issue with her lending me money, always has done despite the fact her entire income is shared by him as he has retired. I have lent them money before and it has never been a problem. Her words were really very nasty and absolutely unjustified...the only reason I want to return this item is because I don't like the idea of owing anybody money!

I called her back and told her that I no longer wanted the item, she could return it and get a full refund, I would pay back any other money I owe her and that is that. She was very upset and knew that what she had said was wrong. She asked if I was angry with her and I told her I was upset that she had such little trust for me. I am absolutely heartbroken that she would speak about me behind my back - I thought we could trust each other. She said she wanted to come over to speak to me and is heading over now.

I have had various issues with my mum recently. I won't go into detail as it isn't relevant. What I'm wanting to know is...

If I continue down this road, holding a grudge against my mum, am I going to seriously regret it in the future? Is it better just to learn how to deal with family rifts and differences, or should you stand by your guns and do whatever makes you happy?

missbiggles1

What's "pocket dialled"?

spookalili

missbiggles1 wrote: »

What's "pocket dialled"?

It's when you catch buttons on your phone, which result in an accidental call being made to somebody. Most of the time you (as the receiver) can hear the entire conversation but the person who accidentally made the call has no idea you're on the line.

amistupid

spookalili wrote: »

They haven't always been perfect but very few parents are.

Same applies to children.

spookalili

amistupid wrote: »

Same applies to children.

Very true! The point I was trying to make is that I don't expect perfection from any parents and as I don't have children myself yet, appreciate everything they have done for me as I can't possibly begin to imagine how hard parenting is.

Mojisola

spookalili wrote: »

She said it was up to me but she was more than happy to lend me the money as she knew I would pay it back (which is true, I pay back everything I lend).

She pocket dialled me and I could hear her speaking to my Dad. She was basically saying that she thought I wasn't going to keep to my word and if I didn't "that would be it". The reason she was saying this is because my dad has a huge issue with her lending me money, always has done despite the fact her entire income is shared by him as he has retired. I have lent them money before and it has never been a problem. Her words were really very nasty and absolutely unjustified

Is there a chance that you heard her saying what your Dad wanted to hear and it wasn't what she really thinks?

Reggie_Rebel

If you decide to hold a grudge against any member of your family then you will be very lonely very quickly.

The advantage of families is that (in most cases) the love is unconditional so you can get over this small humps in the road.

peachyprice

Mojisola wrote: »

Is there a chance that you heard her saying what your Dad wanted to hear and it wasn't what she really thinks?

Yes, this was my first thought too.

spookalili

Mojisola wrote: »

Is there a chance that you heard her saying what your Dad wanted to hear and it wasn't what she really thinks?

A very high chance - but it bothers me that she cares more about making him happy than defending me. I wouldn't mind if I had borrowed money from her several times and not paid her back, but I make a point to pay any money I borrow back as soon as possible.

Pollycat

spookalili wrote: »

If I continue down this road, holding a grudge against my mum, am I going to seriously regret it in the future? Is it better just to learn how to deal with family rifts and differences, or should you stand by your guns and do whatever makes you happy?

Only you can know if you'll regret it in the future.

But you should ask yourself if it will really make you happy to not have contact wih your parents.

I think if it were me, I'd leave her in no doubt how hurt you feel but accept her apology which is almost certainly coming your way.

I hope you manage to sort it out.

Gigervamp

I wouldn't hold a grudge.

You mention your mum lending you money often, and this time it was spent on something that you then decided you didn't want. Perhaps you should look at your budgeting. You shouldn't be borrowing money regularly, even if you do pay it back, and this item you bought doesn't sound like it was something you needed, so why did you borrow to buy it?