Invited for dinner then being asked to help clear up

BarryBlue

forzaitalia wrote: »

Whenever I have a dinner party, I love it if people offer to tidy/wash up. Nothing worse than all the guests leaving and you are left will piles of stuff to tidy up and wash. We have a dishwasher but plates still need scraping and the dishwasher still needs filling. All our friends and family always help and we help them. My husband and I always offer to help the host/hostess - it's just the RIGHT THING TO DO!

You just come across as a spoilt selfish brat - sorry!

I absolutely disagree. When you go for a dinner party, you don't expect to have to work in the kitchen. Furthermore, you are the guests and it is extremely rude for the hosts to be clearing up rather than socialising with their guests. You don't invite people for dinner then abandon them to wash crocks either.

When we have a dinner party, the dishes are taken away and not given another thought until guests have left, normally untouched until the following morning when the dishwasher is run. We would never dream of neglecting guests or expecting them to wash dishes. Their turn will come when we visit them.

Not sure why you felt the need to be abusive to the OP either. Perhaps the two issues together show a general lack of manners.;)

[Deleted User]

I would never ask guests to help me. After a meal, I prefer to take them into the sitting room to relax and chat. I prefer to clear up later. Likewise, I do not expect to be asked to help when I'm invited to have dinner with friends.

Laurensalive

That is not the done thing at a dinner party. You never ask guests to help clear the mess up. Different if it is an old family member.

Fireflyaway

I wouldn't ask guests to help me clear up and if they offered, like you, I would say no thanks.

Is the lady old or disabled ? If she genuinely was going to struggle then that's the only reason why I can think she may have asked.

fierystormcloud

forzaitalia wrote: »

Whenever I have a dinner party, I love it if people offer to tidy/wash up. Nothing worse than all the guests leaving and you are left will piles of stuff to tidy up and wash. We have a dishwasher but plates still need scraping and the dishwasher still needs filling. All our friends and family always help and we help them. My husband and I always offer to help the host/hostess - it's just the RIGHT THING TO DO!

You just come across as a spoilt selfish brat - sorry!

mandragora wrote: »

How rude the host must have thought you were that you needed to be asked to help clear up.

Wow, really? I would never want to come to your house...either of you.

If I was asked by someone to their house for dinner, I'm sorry but I would be actually quite offended if I was asked to wash up! That said, I often do offer sometimes, (and it's always declined!) But I would not be happy if I was asked. Why should I? I am a guest!

I think it's a cheek to ask your guests to wash up. And it's nothing to do with being a spoilt selfish brat! That is dreadful etiquette to ask your guests to help wash up. LOL, I have never heard the likes of it, and I can honestly say I have never been asked to do it. It seems so vulgar, and frankly, it's a bit weird. THis woman clearly has no manners.

j.e.j. wrote: »

I wouldn't sit there watching other people doing the work, I would offer to help, but equally I wouldn't appreciate it if my friend who invited me for the meal b*ggered off in the car with his brother and the mum put me on the spot and asked me to help her wash up. Sounds as if she's addressing a child! Yes I would have been a bit offended.

Me too. The OP's 'friend' just leaving was disgraceful actually. I would never go again if I were the OP.

kurton

Sounds very familiar to me. My Husband and I were invited to friends over a New Year period, just staying the one night. We did in fact take flowers and a bottle of wine for our Hosts. We had dinner and went out to celebrate New Year. The next morning before we left our Host asked that we follow him to a small room off the kitchen where he proceeded to show us empty bottles and informed us that these were from the wine that we had drunk. I don't know what you say to someone like that and especially as I only had 2 glasses of wine and my Husband a few cans of beer. I think that there are some very odd people in the World and your Hosts as mine belong in that group. No it is not normal but on the other hand not worth saying anything over either. At least if you receive another invite as we did, you will be able to politely refuse. Put it down to experience.

loocyloo

kurton wrote: »

Sounds very familiar to me. My Husband and I were invited to friends over a New Year period, just staying the one night. We did in fact take flowers and a bottle of wine for our Hosts. We had dinner and went out to celebrate New Year. The next morning before we left our Host asked that we follow him to a small room off the kitchen where he proceeded to show us empty bottles and informed us that these were from the wine that we had drunk. I don't know what you say to someone like that and especially as I only had 2 glasses of wine and my Husband a few cans of beer. I think that there are some very odd people in the World and your Hosts as mine belong in that group. No it is not normal but on the other hand not worth saying anything over either. At least if you receive another invite as we did, you will be able to politely refuse. Put it down to experience.

I would have laughed and said 'is that all?' or 'how much?' !!!


If we go to dinner with friends, or have friends over for dinner, then we all muck in to clear/tidy after a meal. ( or at least - send the children to clear up :0) ) Don't really do 'dinner parties' as such !!!!

fierystormcloud

kurton wrote: »

Sounds very familiar to me. My Husband and I were invited to friends over a New Year period, just staying the one night. We did in fact take flowers and a bottle of wine for our Hosts. We had dinner and went out to celebrate New Year. The next morning before we left our Host asked that we follow him to a small room off the kitchen where he proceeded to show us empty bottles and informed us that these were from the wine that we had drunk. I don't know what you say to someone like that and especially as I only had 2 glasses of wine and my Husband a few cans of beer. I think that there are some very odd people in the World and your Hosts as mine belong in that group. No it is not normal but on the other hand not worth saying anything over either. At least if you receive another invite as we did, you will be able to politely refuse. Put it down to experience.

Wow! :rotfl: It wasn't the same person as the OP was it? :rotfl:

I would have been tempted to say 'do you want us to reimburse you for the drinks we had?'

How rude!

pickledonionspaceraider

And the prize for the lamest thread EVER, goes to....

AubreyMac

kurton wrote: »

Sounds very familiar to me. My Husband and I were invited to friends over a New Year period, just staying the one night. We did in fact take flowers and a bottle of wine for our Hosts. We had dinner and went out to celebrate New Year. The next morning before we left our Host asked that we follow him to a small room off the kitchen where he proceeded to show us empty bottles and informed us that these were from the wine that we had drunk. I don't know what you say to someone like that and especially as I only had 2 glasses of wine and my Husband a few cans of beer. I think that there are some very odd people in the World and your Hosts as mine belong in that group. No it is not normal but on the other hand not worth saying anything over either. At least if you receive another invite as we did, you will be able to politely refuse. Put it down to experience.

Jeez!!

When I was in school I was invited to a classmate's birthday party which was happening in her grandmothers house. I must have been around 8 or 9 at the time (same as the birthday girl). As there was many people, drinks were pre-ordered by the crate load. There were big trays of fizzy drinks in both cans and bottles that were packaged in plastic (like when newsagents/supermarkets receive new deliveries). There was so much to choose from that it was hard deciding on which drink to choose.

Well half way through the party all the kids went to the park while the adults cleared up. When we came back about an hour later, the grandmother called us all into her living room and on her table were loads of unfinished cans and bottles. She was very angry to find unfinished drinks around her home and said that if we wanted a drink we had to pick a can/bottle from the table and that no new ones were to be opened until the ones on the table were finished!!