Invited for dinner then being asked to help clear up

Georgiegirl256

heath480 wrote: »

Looks as if I am in the minority,but to be invited to dinner and then be asked to wash up!Very rude of the hostess.

Possibly, but do you not also think that it's rude not to offer too?

Mojisola

heath480 wrote: »

Looks as if I am in the minority,but to be invited to dinner and then be asked to wash up!Very rude of the hostess.

I don't think the OP was formally 'invited to dinner'; I think they had an informal invite to join the family for a meal.

If I had laid on a formal dinner party for a group of guests, I wouldn't expect them to help clear up. If one of my children had brought a friend round for a meal, I'd definitely expect everyone to muck in and clear up.

I wouldn't be very pleased at two sons clearing off and leaving their friend to wash up, though!

Gloomendoom

AubreyMac wrote: »

I am wondering what are your opinions on this type of etiquette.

What's the big deal? They just fed you.

Should I have been offended? would you have been?

No and no.

fierystormcloud

tomtontom wrote: »

Having words, seriously?

I don't see a problem with being left with another adult for a short while. I enjoy spending time with my friends parents, some have become friends in their own right. And I certainly wouldn't object to being asked to help clearing up, but then I'd do it proactively.

Yes, seriously. Is there anything about my post that suggested I wasn't being 'serious?'! If my friend, invited me to dinner with his family, then swanned off with his mate and left me with his mother, I would not be impressed.

I don't care how you try and flower it up; that was rude and inconsiderate of the OP's friend.

Nearly ALL of the posters on here have said they would have been annoyed at being left there while the friend swanned off with his mate. Funny how you feel the need to only respond (sarcastically) to my post.

All that said, as I said, I would not have been offended at being asked to wash up!

Mojisola

fierystormcloud wrote: »

If my friend, invited me to dinner with his family, then swanned off with his mate and left me with his mother, I would not be impressed.

I wouldn't be concerned about being left with the mother (or, as the mother, having the friend left with me) - I would be having words about sons getting out of the clearing up but leaving the friend to do it.

fierystormcloud

Mojisola wrote: »

I wouldn't be concerned about being left with the mother (or, as the mother, having the friend left with me) - I would be having words about sons getting out of the clearing up but leaving the friend to do it.

Yep that too! :T

All in all, I would have been very annoyed with him for swanning off! Cheeky swine! :mad:

AubreyMac

Although I have been to his parents house a couple of times before, it was short and for a reason (to pick up or drop something/someone off). I have never eaten there before.

On this occassion, my friend had some of his stuff in storage at his parents. I am helping him move as I have a car. The timing of his brother visiting from abroad made it a 'kill 2 birds' situation.

The bit I found crude was being asked directly at the dinner table (the minute that the last person had finished). Although I earlier said that I only said yes due to being too embarassed to say no. What I meant was that I wouldn't have said no anyway but that situation didn't leave me with much choice coz I was put on the spot. If I had said anything other than yes it probably would have caused awkwardness and resentment.

Of course I would normally offer to help clear up when it comes to dinner, but for this meal I didn't think far ahead about what I had planned to do while the two brothers were out. They went to pick up a relative at the station who uses crutches. I would have assumed the washing up to start only after everyone had left.

On the etiquette of helping after, I am happy to take plates/cutlery/glass into the kitchen, scrape bones/leftovers in a bin and wipe down the table/placemats and dry the washing. However, I do draw the line at being expected to cleaning the oven. This didn't happen by the way, but I'm just saying when I offer there is a limit.

Mrs_Soup

I would be slightly surprised to be asked outright to help but I'd like to think I would already have offered to help clear up if the alternative was sitting on my own because everyone else was going out. I wouldn't refuse offers of help if I was hosting either but I wouldn't ask unless it was members of my own family.

newgirly

I offended my mil many years ago by insisting that she did not help clear up as she was a guest, resulting in a quite shouty respose from her, she is Spanish and things were done differently there, now I let her help no problem.

Different rules for different situations, close family round - they help, friends they offer but I prefer to do it all

phill99

I don't believe someone has actually posted this.