Invited for dinner then being asked to help clear up

Mojisola

AubreyMac wrote: »

I was invited by my friend to have dinner at his parents house as his brother will be back from abroad so they wanted dinner all together. I have been to his parents house a couple of times but this time when the meal was over, his mother asked me directly (in front of others) if I could help with the washing up.

Kynthia wrote: »

It was a family dinner and you were treated as family.

I think the same as Kynthia - you've become a regular visitor and are being treated as a member of the family.

Would you really have sat down while your friend's mother did all the clearing up?

FreddieFrugal

Mojisola wrote: »

Would you really have sat down while your friend's mother did all the clearing up?

"Fetch us up a brew while you're in there will ya!"

Anatidaephobia

I agree you were being treated as family therefore you might be surprised but shouldn't be offended. Maybe you'd prefer not to be asked to help with the dishes but focus on the positives; it sounds like it's because they had accepted you into their family. If anything, the odd thing is your friend inviting you for dinner then disappearing off afterwards and leaving you there.

fierystormcloud

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

I agree you were being treated as family therefore you might be surprised but shouldn't be offended. Maybe you'd prefer not to be asked to help with the dishes but focus on the positives; it sounds like it's because they had accepted you into their family. If anything, the odd thing is your friend inviting you for dinner then disappearing off afterwards and leaving you there.

This ^^^ Leaving you with his mom was a bit odd.

I would be having words with him about this.

As for your main question, no I would not have been even remotely offended. She cooked the meal and deserved some help. Why are you offended?

That said, I would never ask my guests to wash up.

marleyboy

We was taught to always OFFER to help clear up after a meal. Whether or not they accepted the help it was a matter of courtesy. Maybe having been a few times before and NOT offering, she made a point of asking you, in order for you to understand the courtesy.

Buzzybee90

I can't believe anyone would just sit there by themselves while someone else washed up. I think it's incredibly rude you didn't offer.

balletshoes

AubreyMac wrote: »

Whenever I invite someone round for anything, I do not expect them to help me clean or clear up, no matter how much of a huge pile of clearing up I have to do on my own. They are my guest(s). If they offer, I politely refuse.

But that is how I was brought up, my parents are of that culture and belief and taught me this.

I was invited by my friend to have dinner at his parents house as his brother will be back from abroad so they wanted dinner all together. I have been to his parents house a couple of times but this time when the meal was over, his mother asked me directly (in front of others) if I could help with the washing up. I was shocked (I also thought !!!!!!!). Too embarassed to say no, I said yes!

I have not said anything to my friend. I feel it was a bit crude to just ask me like that as it puts me on the spot but also I was surprised she asked me as though she thought nothing of it. Now, she did not ask me because I'm female, but because the two brothers were going to go and pick up some other relative from the train station and their step-dad was the one who cooked the meal.

I am wondering what are your opinions on this type of etiquette. Should I have been offended? would you have been?

I wouldn't have been offended, I wouldn't have thought "!!!!!!" and I would happily have gone and helped with the clearing up . To me it shows that she thinks of you as part of the team, part of the family if you like, no standing on ceremony.
Its no big deal to me.

tomtontom

fierystormcloud wrote: »

This ^^^ Leaving you with his mom was a bit odd.

I would be having words with him about this.

As for your main question, no I would not have been even remotely offended. She cooked the meal and deserved some help. Why are you offended?

That said, I would never ask my guests to wash up.

Having words, seriously?

I don't see a problem with being left with another adult for a short while. I enjoy spending time with my friends parents, some have become friends in their own right. And I certainly wouldn't object to being asked to help clearing up, but then I'd do it proactively.

heath480

Looks as if I am in the minority,but to be invited to dinner and then be asked to wash up!Very rude of the hostess.

tomtontom

heath480 wrote: »

Looks as if I am in the minority,but to be invited to dinner and then be asked to wash up!Very rude of the hostess.

So what would you do in the meantime, sit and stare into space, talk to the cat? We're talking about an informal family meal, not a formal dinner party.