Invited for dinner then being asked to help clear up

General_Grant

Mrs_Soup wrote: »

I would be slightly surprised to be asked outright to help but I'd like to think I would already have offered to help clear up if the alternative was sitting on my own because everyone else was going out. I wouldn't refuse offers of help if I was hosting either but I wouldn't ask unless it was members of my own family.

What happened to the step-dad who had prepared the meal?

Was the clearing up a "thank you" to him? Would the OP otherwise have been having a conversation with him while the brothers were out and the mother was clearing things away?

KiKi

AubreyMac wrote: »

The bit I found crude was being asked directly at the dinner table (the minute that the last person had finished).

Why does it matter when you were asked? What's wrong with asking a question at the dinner table, rather than after standing up from the dinner table?

Although I earlier said that I only said yes due to being too embarassed to say no. What I meant was that I wouldn't have said no anyway but that situation didn't leave me with much choice coz I was put on the spot. If I had said anything other than yes it probably would have caused awkwardness and resentment.

Put on the spot?! It didn't require planning and thinking. Really, I think you're completely overreacting. This isn't a formal dinner party, it was a family dinner. Different families do things differently, and there really are far worse things than being asking at the dinner table to help with the washing up.

However, I do draw the line at being expected to cleaning the oven. This didn't happen by the way, but I'm just saying when I offer there is a limit.

But you weren't asked to clean the oven, you were asked to help wash up in the kitchen, with the only person left in the house. However, as you're saying that washing up seems to be beyond your limit, perhaps you shouldn't eat there again.

KiKi

gettingtheresometime

Can't remember who sang it but 'You'll always find me in the kitchen at parties!'

Formal or otherwise I always help carry out the plates and would rather wash than dry as the host(ess) knows where to put things.

Seriously OP you need to get over yourself.

FBaby

I don't mind if I am asked. I take it as an unspoken message that I am seen as part of the family, so to me it's a compliment. I also find that the best conversations take place when you do washing up together.

RuthnJasper

I'd have offered before it got to the stage where I needed to be asked. I'd have brought along some Marigolds if I was expecting to help and knew they didn't have any, hehe.

What is it with dinners at the moment? First the numpty who, having secured invitations to his party, had the front to request £7 from his guests, and now someone getting all antsy because they were asked to help clear up at a friends' after a meal!

Probably safer to stay home with a Pot Noodle...!

Petra_70

I really dislike going to dinner at peoples houses. and I really dislike having anyone at mine. I used to be different and very sociable when I was a bit younger and was a real social butterfly but I am very much a recluse now. I like to just stay in with my family only. And occasionally meet up with friends for a few beers if its someones birthday and meet up at Christmas but thats it. I like my privacy and hate having people in my house. Luckily DH feels the same.

I think the original poster is over reacting a bit though.

BarryBlue

We do visit friends for dinner parties and of course host them ourselves. Depending on who the friends are, there are usually 4 or 6 round the table. We would never expect any of our guests to be helping in the kitchen, nor would we expect to be asked at anyone else's place.

When we host a dinner, the used dishes and cutlery are removed into the utility room where our dishwasher lives. They are dealt with the following morning. We invite people because we want to spend time with them in a social situation, not doing chores. I think it is rude to abandon your guests for longer than necessary.

We did visit a couple we knew a couple of times for dinner some years ago. Not only were we summoned to the kitchen and handed tea towels, we hadn't even had the pudding course. Only when all the dishes used to that point were washed, dried and put away did pudding appear. Strangely, they had not offered to help when at our house, nor would we have expected them to. We don't go there any more!:o

duchy

I'd be suggesting your friend bought their Mum a dishwasher for Christmas ...........but no for an informal family meal I don't see the problem and if I was the friend and it was mentioned to me I'd think less of the OP for it

FBaby

Surely it comes down to whether the invitee is 'hosting' an official dinner night, ie, it is a special night for them, or they are having their dinner, and they are inviting you to join them in a 'the more the merrier'.

mandragora_2

How rude the host must have thought you were that you needed to be asked to help clear up.