We're 23 and my FIL has been living with us for a year

fed_up_and_stressed

Princess12 wrote: »

MIL sent the other half a very upsetting message yesterday, we're just going to leave her to cool down, hopefully to realise she's a bit out of order.

She believes that since we invited him to come stay and we got him the job that he can stay here for as long as they feel fit and that we don't have any care for the family at all.

FIL has handed his notice in so will be gone in two weeks. Slight silver lining.

You invited him to "stay" NOT "live with you" suggest MIL is reminded of that fact.

Mojisola

Princess12 wrote: »

MIL sent the other half a very upsetting message yesterday, we're just going to leave her to cool down, hopefully to realise she's a bit out of order.

She believes that since we invited him to come stay and we got him the job that he can stay here for as long as they feel fit and that we don't have any care for the family at all.

So finding him a job and letting him live for free in your home for a year has been completely discounted?

I hope she apologises to you both once things settle down.

onlyroz

Why does he have to quit the job? Has he tried to find a room to rent on spareroom or gumtree?

Princess12

onlyroz wrote: »

Why does he have to quit the job? Has he tried to find a room to rent on spareroom or gumtree?

He could, I even found him one, as adorable as could possibly be for where we live, even closer to work than we are, and explained what he'd have to do, but they can't afford it apparently. Apparent being on job seekers is more affordable for them.

Mojisola

Princess12 wrote: »

He could, I even found him one, as adorable as could possibly be for where we live, even closer to work than we are, and explained what he'd have to do, but they can't afford it apparently. Apparent being on job seekers is more affordable for them.

As he's given up his job voluntarily, he won't be able to claim JSA for a while.

LilElvis

Princess12 wrote: »

He could, I even found him one, as adorable as could possibly be for where we live, even closer to work than we are, and explained what he'd have to do, but they can't afford it apparently. Apparent being on job seekers is more affordable for them.

Will he even be entitled to jobseekers if he resigns from a job?

Princess12

I wouldn't have a clue, sounds realistic though, so there you go then no idea how they can live of nothing or very little but can't afford to rent a room. The room I found was £280 a month everything included. Bearing in mind he's taken up smoking again since he's been with us (I don't believe MIL knows) packets of straights as well. That'd be a fraction of the rent right there.

RuthnJasper

Princess12 wrote: »

I wouldn't have a clue, sounds realistic though, so there you go then no idea how they can live of nothing or very little but can't afford to rent a room. The room I found was £280 a month everything included. Bearing in mind he's taken up smoking again since he's been with us (I don't believe MIL knows) packets of straights as well. That'd be a fraction of the rent right there.

I've been reading this thread with interest, but haven't commented. I'm glad that FiL is on the move (hopefully) but agree with BigAunty that it very much seems the case that the older children are parenting the adults here.

All I really want to say is good luck to you OP; I hope that you and your OH will have a long and happy future together. I fear that you will have more than a little bit of nonsense to put up with from the in-laws in the years to come, but you seem to be going into it with your eyes open and I sincerely wish you all the best for the future. x

BigAunty

LilElvis wrote: »

Will he even be entitled to jobseekers if he resigns from a job?

Unless there is a good reason, the job centre sanctions people who quit their jobs for a period of time, though they can claim a hardship sum. Not sure whether wanting to move back to family will be classed as a sufficiently good reason or not, I'm not really familiar with the conditions that are acceptable to avoid being sanctioned.

I think it does show up his mentality as a bludger (!!!!!!!!!!) though - he'd rather be on the dole than pay any accommodation cost.

Also, the MILs mentality is similarly skewed - no gratitude for helping him find the job and the free accommodation for a year, instead, just an insult and a bizarre expectation that he could bludge off them in perpetuity.

maman

Just read your thread and it seems that (fingers crossed) he'll be out of your hair as soon as he's served his notice.


On reflection, you have been naïve, but that's understandable as I can't imagine you thought he would take advantage of you as he has. It seems you've gone out of your way to help him (and your partner's extended family) in all sorts of ways and had, literally, no thanks.


You need to stand firm for the next couple of weeks and make plans for how you'll deal with his family in the future. I'd suggest you try to stay civil, don't get involved in any arguments and have absolutely nothing to do with them in any financial dealings whatsoever. If they should bring up what's happened and try to blame you for their straightened circumstances then use the 'broken record' technique. Just keep repeating that living with you in a one bedroomed flat could never be a permanent arrangement and that you even found him accommodation but he chose instead to give up his job.


I speak from experience. MY DH is from a large family and one brother in particular is very bad with money. Over the years he's borrowed money from just about everyone and never pays anyone back. Now most of his siblings have nothing to do with him and those that do just pass the time of day but never get involved financially. Once bitten, twice shy. Good Luck.:)